Christmas present dilemma

Knightsuntold

Between the ages of 18 and 21, my stepson was seeing a great girl - we all liked her, not just him. She became very much part of the family, spent loads of time with us, and came on holiday with us. I even taught her to drive. They split up, because she got a dream job abroad - they were both very mature about it, accepting that they were too young to tie themselves into a long distance relationship, with realistic prospects of seeing each other maybe twice a year. There was no option of my stepson going with her. There were a lot of tears shed, and not just by them.

She has stayed in touch with me on social media and by e-mail. I would say that she sends a lengthy e-mail to me, full of news, about once every six weeks or so. She remembers every birthday, anniversary, and special occasion, and always sends a beautiful card. She's coming back to the UK for Christmas, and has already asked if we can all meet up.

I've bought her some jewellery as a Christmas present, and my best mate has pulled me up for it. She says that as she's no longer part of the family, she shouldn't be having any presents. I said that she's more of a friend than anything else now, and my mate has said that it should be something small, like chocolates, or a bottle if wine. She added that I'd be giving out the wrong message, but wouldn't elaborate on what the message might be.

Anyone got any thoughts on this? I didn't think twice, but it's left me feeling a bit weird, and I don't know why. I think the last few weeks have been so rough with one thing and another, my judgement is shot.

Andypandyboy

I wouldn't let the new GF find out!! Or maybe I would!

AylesburyDuck

Your judgement is just fine, sounds like your best mate maybe jealous to me. Absolutely no need to treat her any different to what you did.:)

Mojisola

Knightsuntold wrote: »

She has stayed in touch with me on social media and by e-mail. I would say that she sends a lengthy e-mail to me, full of news, about once every six weeks or so. She remembers every birthday, anniversary, and special occasion, and always sends a beautiful card. She's coming back to the UK for Christmas, and has already asked if we can all meet up.

I've bought her some jewellery as a Christmas present, and my best mate has pulled me up for it. She says that as she's no longer part of the family, she shouldn't be having any presents.

I said that she's more of a friend than anything else now, and my mate has said that it should be something small, like chocolates, or a bottle if wine.

Ignore your mate - why shouldn't you give the present you have chosen?

peachyprice

Knightsuntold wrote: »

my best mate has pulled me up for it. She says that as she's no longer part of the family, she shouldn't be having any presents.

Since when were only family members eligible for nice, thoughtful presents? Your Best friend is an idiot, or maybe she's just jealous because she's not getting jewellery too

AlwaysWorking

You sound like a genuinely lovely lady. Why shouldn't you buy a present for someone if you want to?!

duchy

So long as you are clear that you see her as a family friend and it's the sort of gift you'd give to other family friends of similar standing then it's fine. If however you still see her as a prospective future daughter in law and your family friends don't get expensive presents then your friend may be right that you are giving the wrong message.
There's also the point that if she rocks up with nothing or a box of Matchmakers she may be embarrassed to be given an expensive gift by an ex boyfriend's mother.

fiscalfreckles

I don't see any harm in this, as you say, the girl has become a good friend of yours. My only reservations would be if stepson has a problem with it, but I don't see it's anyone else's business.

Knightsuntold

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I wouldn't let the new GF find out!! Or maybe I would!

Tell me about it! That's a whole different issue, and I don't know what the hell to do... do you know of anywhere that hires out riot shields?

Knightsuntold

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Your judgement is just fine, sounds like your best mate maybe jealous to me. Absolutely no need to treat her any different to what you did.:)

Funnily enough my partner said that ages ago about something else, but I thought that it could be a bit of sour grapes from his side.

Knightsuntold

peachyprice wrote: »

Since when were only family members eligible for nice, thoughtful presents? Your Best friend is an idiot, or maybe she's just jealous because she's not getting jewellery too

Another one for jealous friend... you don't like to think it, but maybe. Sighs. Deeply.