OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

No, sadly I don't think that would be an option. I've thought of it, but not really practical as DS will come home from Uni and need somewhere to sleep! Thanks though!

FBaby

Your dog seems to be holding you up both in terms of accommodation and job opportunities. I would never ever suggest that you get rid of the dog, they become part of the family when you adopt them, but at the same time, you can't let your dog dictate your life. Of course it would be a bit of shock to have to get used to be on its own during the day, but no more of a shock then you having to adjust to live without your husband. They will adapt.

In terms of rental, it is standard to say that pets are not available, but there might be some flexibility around that. I had tenants who had two dogs even though I'd say no dogs on the advert. There hadn't been much offer (wrong time of the year) and I didn't want to take the risk to wait even longer, so agreed to meet the dogs. When I did, I was reassured that they were good dogs and indeed, they caused no problem. Not saying that you won't get turned down because of it, but it doesn't mean you should give up.

I think your priority is to agree with your husband that you don't sell the house and you can stay there until you find a job and you put everything into it. Preferably, try to go for FT because you'll be in a much better position with more income, especially to rent a better place. When you have a job and ideally been there for a couple of months or so, start to look for somewhere to rent and then agree to sell the house and consider divorce proceeding.

Right now, what you need to prioritise is to become independent.

zippy1997

I agree about the dog and he'll adapt. It's just hard.

Gotta admit I am scared sh*tless right now. Worrying about everything. My whole world has just been turned upside down and there's so much to think about. I'm worried I won't even get a job. No other reason apart from fear of being jobless and no money coming in.
I know I need to grow up. Just easier saying it and then doing it! But I have to.

Spendless

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This is why our welfare system is in so much trouble - perfectly able, financially stable citizens should stand on their own two feet and not expect subsidies from the state.

The OP is fit, able bodied and has signficant equity in shared property. Her youngest is 16 and doesn't need a stay at home parent so why suggest that she work part time only and play the system?

Oh for god sake. I was on my way to work when I made that post this morning (full-time, no benefits) and didn't get the chance to expand further. But to make it perfectly clear to you. At the minute the OP hasn't worked for 20 years, has been thrown into a situation that she wasn't expecting and needs some time to get her head around that. She's also worrying about the dog being left. She'd also be up against people with far more experience looking for f-time work. She is far more likely to find quickly a part-time rubbish hours job, probably for minimal wage, but this would allow her some space to look around for what course/qualifications she needed, perhaps even do it at the same time as working and maybe fit the hours around studying and working in to being able to let the dog out back home whilst she works her way forward out. So nothing to do with 'playing the system' I even point out that she would only qualify to do this until her youngest leaves college As busy as I was this morning I did mention some of this on the bit you conveniently chopped when quoting me, so for you and those that aren't convinced, I have re-put it below and bolded it.

Spendless wrote: »

As your youngest is 16 and still at college, at the minute (unless you live in a UC area) you would be able to work 16 hours per week and have your income topped up via the tax credit system.

Don't rely on it because when your younger one leaves further education this income will stop, but for now, it might be quicker to find something part-time (retail, fast food place, bar work) which helps you making an adjustment in your life, whilst you look into studying options to gain up to date qualifications and full-time work.

zippy1997

Thank you Spendless. That is exactly how I feel. It's a bit of a shock. I am not saying PT will be forever, but for now it feels like the right thing so I can make decisions later on without rushing them. I am hoping a FT job will come around that will work for me.

We've only ever claimed any benefits when my OH was made redundant many years ago and even then it was for a matter of months. We don't like going down that route and that time we had no choice.

zippy1997

OH has been getting in late the past few nights (work is very busy + traffic) so talking last night was a rarity. Tonight we didn't actually talk about anything regarding the split specifically. He was stressed, tired, eating dinner whilst telling me about how busy his day was. It wasn't the time.
Tonight he did however help me work on another job application.
It's a new thing for me. I went straight for my 1st job after school from the job centre, small informal interview and got it. The 2nd one 10 yrs ago I think I was the only applicant as it was only a yrs contract!
So I have very minimal experience with applications/CV's etc...
Tomorrow I will look through the few jobs I bookmarked on the jobsearch website and probably apply for all of them!

OH thinks I should apply for ones I'm not even sure about just for the (hopefully!) interview experience if I get that far.

prosaver

I wouldn't trust him...
it seem youve done all the hard work and hes getting off scot free.
think about where you will both be in 2 years time, him earning big money, nice house and you on low income in a smaller place.
sorry

justme111

Hey zippy
It may be interesting for you to read the thread by JackRs , warning - it is long. Situation described seems similar to yours, just a mirror image. Use search facility on this forum, it run for like a couple of years describing the development of separation and finacial settlement , one could make a book out of it !
Re division of assests 50/50 - I think it is far from the truth. Court would look at earning potential of both of them ,rightfully deduct hers is way lower than his and change the percentages massively in her favour. That apart from spousal maintenanceuntil she gets on her feet, in Jack'case it was a few years. I do not in any way suggest she goes guns blazing for all she "entitled to", no. Far better if there was no war and it does not get to the court as consequences of wars last for many years . I am just pointing out that op's position is not as bad as she seems to think, something to cheer her up hopefully xx
As I am concerned she is under massive stress now , then once she sees solicitors she realises she can play the situation and she will retaliate for him "making her" feel so scared now.
Well done for taking the route of looking for a job instead od sponging of your husband soon to be ex , op.

Tiddlywinks

prosaver wrote: »

I wouldn't trust him...
it seem youve done all the hard work and hes getting off scot free.
think about where you will both be in 2 years time, him earning big money, nice house and you on low income in a smaller place.
sorry

WHAT?

Have you been reading this thread or are you just automatically a man hater?

FBaby

Hi Zippy, just wanted to say that you shouldn't worry about you being scared because it is totally NORMAL that you should be. Any such new situation is inevitably scary. However, scary doesn't mean unreachable, and the more you face each stage, the less scary the whole process will become. What you need to do is focus on each step at a time.

You are doing exactly that by starting to look at jobs and applying to some. Try if you can to believe in yourself. There is a good chance that it will be a battle, you might have to apply to many jobs, you might have to learn from the interview process and you might feel that you will never get there, but hang on and believe in yourself. Remember that ultimately, what will get you a job is your personality and attitude and that will override your lack of professional experience. Just make sure to let it show rather than hide it behind a lack of confidence. You’ll get there and look back and might even be grateful for what happened because nothing makes you feel better than feeling pride of your accomplishments and building your self-esteem.