OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

Person_one

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

The OP could take an interest - read a few gaming magazines, join a few forums etc. How hard would that be? At least she could then have conversations about their hobbies.

Instead she has just decided to stay away from the subject and so has to accept that the distance that creates is of her own making.

Is it not a two way street? Why is it ok for them to spend all their time gaming and ignoring their wife/mother but wrong for her to ignore them when they're gaming because it doesn't interest her?

Tiddlywinks

Person_one wrote: »

Is it not a two way street? Why is it ok for them to spend all their time gaming and ignoring their wife/mother but wrong for her to ignore them when they're gaming because it doesn't interest her?

Because *she* is the one that was venting about being ignored.

I would have given the same advice if her husband or kids had asked about being ignored by mum... I'd have recommended they seek to get to know her interests.

The OP has to start recognising that life is not a spectator sport - she needs to be an active participant.

justme111

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Again - I feel like I've been transported back to the 1950s.

You know , back in 50s people were walking with their feet, not their hands. Nothing wrong with it. There are certain things that are more often done by women and some that are more often done by women. Next people will try to argue women should be as good in carrying furniture around and men in breastfeeding.

Tiddlywinks

justme111 wrote: »

There are certain things that are more often done by women and some that are more often done by women. Next people will try to argue women should be as good in carrying furniture around and men in breastfeeding.

Well, men won't produce breast milk but are perfectly capable of feeding a baby expressed or formula.

Women are perfectly capable of moving furniture - just need to use the right equipment.

I know this may come as a shock to some but they even let women in the police, armed services (front line), as doctors, bricklayers, HGV drivers etc. We even have a world class women's rugby team and medal winning boxers.

Or... are you just winding us all up.

justme111

Yeah yeah . What percentage of boxers are female? That is what I was getting at , I said "usually". I am not sure why would one so adamantly try to prove that the world is unisex. This topic started as a result of you asking why would not op do herself those little jobs. It did come across as unnecessarily critical to me so I pointed out there is usually "labour division"in families.

zippy1997

indiepanda wrote: »

Doesn't sound like anyone nagging him about it has worked to get him to get alternative interests up till now.
Very true.

And once he has moved out, provided he doesn't spend so much time gaming he neglects his duties as a father, it really is up to him - perhaps he genuinely is happiest spending all his spare time gaming. I am not sure you should be worrying about him beyond that - he's a grown man, focus on making your life the best it can be.

Oh yes, once he's moved out it's not my business. As my life will be my business.

zippy1997

kelpie35 wrote: »

Just an added thought............

As you go walking with the dog can you not meet like minded people who might like to go for a cuppa.

In my area there is a group who meet up socially as they have things in common.
I do say hello/good morning to others who walk dogs but I'm kind of shy and don't really strike up conversations past the weather or talking about the dogs!

Also I would like to say that it comes across that neither your OH or children show you much respect.
I wouldn't say that as such.

I am positive that when things settle down and it is only you and your daughter living together you will feel much less pressure and will become a much happier person within yourself.

Stay strong, take care

I'm hoping we both (all) become happier people apart.

missbiggles1

justme111 wrote: »

You know , back in 50s people were walking with their feet, not their hands. Nothing wrong with it. There are certain things that are more often done by women and some that are more often done by women. Next people will try to argue women should be as good in carrying furniture around and men in breastfeeding.

Leaving aside the stereotyping, you're ignoring the fact that the OP doesn't work and her husband has a full time job and yet she still expects him to do "little jobs" around the house in his free time.

zippy1997

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Surely you're excluding yourself? Many of us have to get involved in things that bore us for the sake of family solidarity, whether it's standing on a cold touchline or listening to music we hate.

If you choose not to, it's obviously up to you but don't take the view that they're excluding you when you're choosing not to be involved.

I didn't say it was their fault I was excluded, just that I was. I will never choose to game, I don't like it. Simple as. I'm not going to pretend either. If they didn't do it as much we could do other stuff, but it's their life.

missbiggles1

Person_one wrote: »

Is it not a two way street? Why is it ok for them to spend all their time gaming and ignoring their wife/mother but wrong for her to ignore them when they're gaming because it doesn't interest her?

Has the OP mentioned any interests and hobbies of her own?