OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

indiepanda

zippy1997 wrote: »

Actually I wouldn't mind if they had other interests as well as the gaming but they don't.

Well, the good news is the kids won't be living with you for ever, and if you choose to date someone in the future you can ask if they are into gaming before you get involved.

I have to admit there is no way I would get into a relationship with someone whose only hobby is gaming, I can't think of anything more dull than wanting to stay indoors all the time.

zippy1997

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Let it go...

Your OH is moving out and your DS will be back to uni soon.

As a couple, you and OH appear to have had issues with communicating for years so it's no wonder your kids are following the trend by choosing to do their own thing and go online rather than talk to their family around the dinner table.

Even your response to the noise of them all 'gaming' at the table is to ignore it there but vent here.... why not just ask them to take the noise to their rooms or suggest you all go for a walk or play a board game as a family?

They're not mind readers and are not doing this stuff to annoy you.

Either tell them how you feel or suck it up... you have a choice.

Just to say that I vent here as writing it down helps.And venting to them doesn't make any difference. You can choose to ignore me. I have vented my frustrations to OH but he just says it's his hobby and that's that. There's a list on the fridge - that he asked me to write I might add - of stuff around the house, little jobs, nothing taxing, to do. He ignores it. I'll probably work my way though it next yr. And yes I know I could do that anyway, but isn't it his house as well?

zippy1997

indiepanda wrote: »

Well, the good news is the kids won't be living with you for ever, and if you choose to date someone in the future you can ask if they are into gaming before you get involved.

True and yes. I don't have a problem with gaming in moderation, just not all the time.

I have to admit there is no way I would get into a relationship with someone whose only hobby is gaming, I can't think of anything more dull than wanting to stay indoors all the time.

It is pretty boring. I'm hoping that when he moves out he'll start living again with gaming as a side hobby. If not then he won't have any one to 'nag' him about it and can just get on with it.

indiepanda

zippy1997 wrote: »

It is pretty boring. I'm hoping that when he moves out he'll start living again with gaming as a side hobby. If not then he won't have any one to 'nag' him about it and can just get on with it.

Doesn't sound like anyone nagging him about it has worked to get him to get alternative interests up till now.

And once he has moved out, provided he doesn't spend so much time gaming he neglects his duties as a father, it really is up to him - perhaps he genuinely is happiest spending all his spare time gaming. I am not sure you should be worrying about him beyond that - he's a grown man, focus on making your life the best it can be.

kelpie35

Just an added thought............

As you go walking with the dog can you not meet like minded people who might like to go for a cuppa.

In my area there is a group who meet up socially as they have things in common.

Also I would like to say that it comes across that neither your OH or children show you much respect.

I am positive that when things settle down and it is only you and your daughter living together you will feel much less pressure and will become a much happier person within yourself.

Stay strong, take care

missbiggles1

zippy1997 wrote: »

Just wanted to say, I know I post about the gaming a lot, but they play it a LOT. Literally it's the only hobby OH has. *I say hobby it's more a lifestyle. And it does annoy me. Has done for yrs as it's got worse. DD isn't so bad as she does do other things, but even then it's YT videos. DS is just like his dad, gaming 24/7 if he could.

They don't have any other hobbies. So yes I am on the outside a lot and that does bother me. I don't like gaming and never will. It's like their little club and I am excluded. OH's mum had to take a short evening course (electronics) so she could actually participate in conversations between OH and his Dad!

So yes I have a bee in my bonnet about this.

Surely you're excluding yourself? Many of us have to get involved in things that bore us for the sake of family solidarity, whether it's standing on a cold touchline or listening to music we hate.

If you choose not to, it's obviously up to you but don't take the view that they're excluding you when you're choosing not to be involved.

missbiggles1

zippy1997 wrote: »

Just to say that I vent here as writing it down helps.And venting to them doesn't make any difference. You can choose to ignore me. I have vented my frustrations to OH but he just says it's his hobby and that's that. There's a list on the fridge - that he asked me to write I might add - of stuff around the house, little jobs, nothing taxing, to do. He ignores it. I'll probably work my way though it next yr. And yes I know I could do that anyway, but isn't it his house as well?

But he's at work full time and and you don't have a job - why aren't you the one doing the "little jobs"?

justme111

May be because those are ones that usually are done by men ( some simply diy for example?
Not very fair comparation of standing on a touch line as well I think , playing games at the level others do is impossible while standing does not require any skill

Tiddlywinks

justme111 wrote: »

May be because those are ones that usually are done by men ( some simply diy for example?

Again - I feel like I've been transported back to the 1950s.

justme111 wrote: »

Not very fair comparation of standing on a touch line as well I think , playing games at the level others do is impossible while standing does not require any skill

The OP could take an interest - read a few gaming magazines, join a few forums etc. How hard would that be? At least she could then have conversations about their hobbies.

Instead she has just decided to stay away from the subject and so has to accept that the distance that creates is of her own making.

missbiggles1

justme111 wrote: »

May be because those are ones that usually are done by men ( some simply diy for example?
Not very fair comparation of standing on a touch line as well I think , playing games at the level others do is impossible while standing does not require any skill

Are you having a laugh?