OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

Primrose wrote: »

Your family are not good communicators are they Zippy? Either they're all conniving to say nothing to try and keep the peace or, like your husband, are all wrapped up their own world. You must feel tempted to say "well as none of you are communicating your plans I will just cook for myself in future".

Trouble is OH has done this in the past, that's why I'm kind of peed off. When he's gone away for the odd night (isn't a regular thing) for work he's 'forgotten' to mention it to the kids and they come down wondering where he is for dinner. Maybe he thinks i'll tell them? I don't know.
He went to bed last week quite early but didn't even say goodnight to DD, she was singing away in her room not realising her dad was trying to sleep!

OH isn't back yet. The appointment was at 7, so no idea what time he'll get back.

Tiddlywinks

zippy1997 wrote: »

Trouble is OH has done this in the past, that's why I'm kind of peed off. When he's gone away for the odd night (isn't a regular thing) for work he's 'forgotten' to mention it to the kids and they come down wondering where he is for dinner. Maybe he thinks i'll tell them? I don't know.
He went to bed last week quite early but didn't even say goodnight to DD, she was singing away in her room not realising her dad was trying to sleep!

OH isn't back yet. The appointment was at 7, so no idea what time he'll get back.

But they're not kids any more so your OH not mentioning being away for dinner is hardly going to damage them in any way is it?

Just like him not saying he's off to bed - it's his problem if he is kept awake because no-one knows he's trying to sleep.

You're getting your knickers in a twist for stuff that doesn't really matter - you need to sit back and relax...leave the others to manage themselves.

Spendless

zippy1997 wrote: »

Trouble is OH has done this in the past, that's why I'm kind of peed off. When he's gone away for the odd night (isn't a regular thing) for work he's 'forgotten' to mention it to the kids and they come down wondering where he is for dinner. Maybe he thinks i'll tell them? I don't know.

To me, this says it's something that has clearly bothered you and is part of a bigger picture.

My husband works away every week for between 1-2 nights with no set pattern to it. He's done it since our 13yo was a baby. It really hadn't occurred to me to think about whether DH our kids he's going to be away the following night. Sometimes he does. More frequently they ask me. Yes, your husband probably thinks you will tell them, because he doesn't see it as such an issue that he hasn't, whereas you do.

skiptalker

listen set up a profile on plenty of fish and make sure he knows..you sound like your never going to move on from this, he does not care about you, dont care about him,no more meals and dont do his washing by the way i am a man.

Pollycat

skiptalker wrote: »

listen set up a profile on plenty of fish and make sure he knows..you sound like your never going to move on from this, he does not care about you, dont care about him,no more meals and dont do his washing by the way i am a man.

I think that bit of information is superfluous based on the rest of your post. :cool:

skiptalker

Pollycat wrote: »

I think that bit of information is superfluous based on the rest of your post. :cool:

not really the information could have been posted by a female just thought it would be nice to have a little male input on this..hey but if it makes you feel clever i can live with it

Pollycat

skiptalker wrote: »

not really the information could have been posted by a female just thought it would be nice to have a little male input on this..hey but if it makes you feel clever i can live with it

In this specific situation - i.e. where the man is determined that the relationship is over - I doubt many females would have suggested that the OP mess about on dating sites.
And with the intention of letting her partner know what she's doing?
Come on!
If you've read the thread, she's got more than enough on her plate than to play silly games.

As for 'never moving on' - again, if you've read the thread, you'll realise that in the first post the OP was worried that she didn't have a job and hadn't worked for almost 20 years.
Fast forward 3 weeks and she has got herself a job.
Of course, getting over a 20 year relationship that has produced 2 children is not going to be easy, but I think you're very wrong with your 'never'.

As for washing and cooking meals, if I were in that situation - especially as it's almost Christmas and the fact that he's looking at alternative accommodation - I'd like to keep things as amicable as possible.
Not only for the kids but for when the financial separation happens.

If the OP took your suggestion, I doubt that this would happen:

zippy1997 wrote: »

It's funny. I think OH and I could be great friends at the end of this if we can stay civil. I'd like that for the kids sake. And mine.

I think the OP will come out of this a much stronger person than her partner.

skiptalker

typical needless lengthy gender influenced reply...yawnnn

zippy1997

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

But they're not kids any more so your OH not mentioning being away for dinner is hardly going to damage them in any way is it?

Just like him not saying he's off to bed - it's his problem if he is kept awake because no-one knows he's trying to sleep.

You're getting your knickers in a twist for stuff that doesn't really matter - you need to sit back and relax...leave the others to manage themselves.

I guess that's where we'll agree to disagree. I think it's common courtesy if you live in a house with someone/people to let them know things like that.

zippy1997

Spendless wrote: »

To me, this says it's something that has clearly bothered you and is part of a bigger picture.

My husband works away every week for between 1-2 nights with no set pattern to it. He's done it since our 13yo was a baby. It really hadn't occurred to me to think about whether DH our kids he's going to be away the following night. Sometimes he does. More frequently they ask me. Yes, your husband probably thinks you will tell them, because he doesn't see it as such an issue that he hasn't, whereas you do.

OH does a night away maybe twice in a yr (although at the moment it's been a few more). I don't think they're bothered just surprised it wasn't mentioned. Bothers me more. I grew up with a Dad who worked for an airline and was away very regularly. I knew that but was still nice to know when he'd be home and things like that.