OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

Primrose

Zippy. Don't let yourself be forced into this on Saturday just because your husband wants to go and view a place. No partner in their right mind should force their other half to sit down on Christmas Eve to talk about the ins and outs of separation just because it suits their own schedule.

I'd be tempted to tell your husband in a amicable but assertive way that it's totally inappropriate timing and that it should wait until the new year. Remind him that whilst he's had all the time in the world to start planning for this you have just had a pistol put to your head over it, so much as you understand his desire to be gone, he owes you the courtesy of having some time to come to terms with all the implications.

Remind him that decisions made in a hurry are generally not good ones and you don't t want to be pushed into to a corner but to take things steadily so that issues you don't yet fully understand or have been unable to check out have time to be investigated.

zippy1997

I usually love music. Listening and singing along, as you do (in private obviously). Right now I can't. It just doesn't do anything for me. I find that weird. It usually makes me happy.

zippy1997

Primrose wrote: »

Zippy. Don't let yourself be forced into this on Saturday just because your husband wants to go and view a place. No partner in their right mind should force their other half to sit down on Christmas Eve to talk about the ins and outs of separation just because it suits their own schedule.

I'd be tempted to tell your husband in a amicable but assertive way that it's totally inappropriate timing and that it should wait until the new year. Remind him that whilst he's had all the time in the world to start planning for this you have just had a pistol put to your head over it, so much as you understand his desire to be gone, he owes you the courtesy of having some time to come to terms with all the implications.

Remind him that decisions made in a hurry are generally not good ones and you don't t want to be pushed into to a corner but to take things steadily so that issues you don't yet fully understand or have been unable to check out have time to be investigated.

I don't think he realises how long he'll be staying in someones spare room (renting I mean). If he's determined to leave that's fine. I will tell him I won't sell the house until DD is 18 - as mentioned by the solicitor, not just me being hard-arsed. The courts would vote that way as well if they got involved. I'll be contributing with the new job but won't be able to afford even half at the moment.
18months/2 yrs is a long time living in a bedroom. He could take more time if he wants. He won't, I know that, but I'll suggest it.

I am trying to take positives from him leaving. One of the biggest ones - strangely - is actually having a wardrobe I can fit MY clothes in. I don't have many and they're squished (literally) in one end of the wardrobe whereas he has the rest. I know he has work shirts/suit/trousers but he doesn't wear most of them, just the same ones over & over but refuses to chuck some out.
That's a random comment but it's bugged me for years.

zippy1997

Primrose wrote: »

Zippy. Don't let yourself be forced into this on Saturday just because your husband wants to go and view a place. No partner in their right mind should force their other half to sit down on Christmas Eve to talk about the ins and outs of separation just because it suits their own schedule.

I'd be tempted to tell your husband in a amicable but assertive way that it's totally inappropriate timing and that it should wait until the new year. Remind him that whilst he's had all the time in the world to start planning for this you have just had a pistol put to your head over it, so much as you understand his desire to be gone, he owes you the courtesy of having some time to come to terms with all the implications.

Remind him that decisions made in a hurry are generally not good ones and you don't t want to be pushed into to a corner but to take things steadily so that issues you don't yet fully understand or have been unable to check out have time to be investigated.

That's just it! He hasn't planned. He's just thinking of the leaving part. He has no clue who has to be informed, the costs etc... It's his desire to leave, it's over, the rest can be done after he's gone.

jamiehelsinki

Op I'm currently trying the online dating thing and it's supprising how many women i have met who are quite shy, it's no big deal.

karcher

I don't believe a word of this.

:think: :spam:

zippy1997

karcher wrote: »

I don't believe a word of this.

:think: :spam:

Well I wish I didn't either. Would make life normal again. Sadly I can't ignore it.

zippy1997

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

Op I'm currently trying the online dating thing and it's supprising how many women i have met who are quite shy, it's no big deal.

Oh my, online dating? Online is fine, getting to the dating part would be tricky.....

zippy1997

Positive note I guess. Signed the contract today and picked up a few bits of uniform for the job. And I have an orange apron. Oh my. Now gotta wait til New year to start.... that's when the butterflies will kick in again.

Person_one

zippy1997 wrote: »

Feeling low again. OH is going to see a place tomorrow and also wants to talk about things (financial etc..) on Saturday.

zippy1997 wrote: »

I could try that. I guess I'd rather not do it on Xmas eve. It's a tough time anyway - still, as I still miss my Mum and it's another yr without her. It's coming up to the 5 yr anniversary and it's still makes me emotional.

You know, you don't have to do everything as and when he wants to do it, if Christmas Eve feels too hard and the wrong day to talk about this to you then its perfectly reasonable for you to say 'no, not Saturday, I want to get through a difficult Christmas and then we can start organising this properly from the 27th' or whatever works for you.

Nothing is going to happen in the next few days anyway, is it? Everything will be wound down, he won't be going anywhere or doing anything about the situation.