OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

jackieblack

zippy1997 wrote: »

Well got the call to go and sort paperwork out at the store this week for the job. Was beginning to worry they'd forgotten about me!

It's a start and one I'm apprehensive about as I've been out of the workplace for so long but hoping it makes a difference to me. Looking to build on it.

This is a really positive step. Apart from the financial benefits, going back to work will help you to start rebuilding your own identity again, instead of being known as someone's wife or someone's mum, you'll be ''zippy', to new people who have never met your family.
It's a great step in the forward motion that will enable you to build your new life

zippy1997 wrote: »

Feeling a little down today. Took the dog for a walk (as is my job) and started thinking too much. We got the dog as a family and it seems I'll be the only one left to look after it. That, I admit, was my fear when getting a dog. Now it's a reality.
ETA: I do know it's not the dogs fault.

Don't be too hard on yourself. The dog will provide good company and will be a great listener when you need to vent!

zippy1997

whitewing wrote: »

At least when you come back from your job the dog will be delighted to see you.

The uncertainty will always feel worse than the reality (in my experience). Be kind to yourself.

True. Once the kids leave it will give me something to come home to I guess. It's just this wasn't the deal when we brought the dog home.
He misses my OH too. OH has gradually stopped giving him time.

zippy1997

Primrose wrote: »

Zippy. It's OK to admit to having low moments. Actually being able to confess to them publicly is a sign of strength that you are gradually becoming less vulnerable and growing more confident to share that vulnerability with others.


Emotionally you are slowly growing, whilst your husband who's locking up everything internally and seems to be incapable of opening up, is actually gradually shrinking more and more within himself. You may feel this is any great victory but give yourself a pat on the back for having the confidence to open up in this way. A few months ago that was something you didn't have. Little steps, but all going in the right direction.

Thanks. Feels like I'm moaning all the time tbh! But here is the only place I can vent. Otherwise I'd scream!

OH is probably talking to people (work colleagues, well 1 I know of) and work does give him an outlet and he loves this job. He'd rather be there most of the time, he admitted that in the phone convo we had at the start. It's his escape. So I think he'll be a different person when he leaves. He's had to read a lot of self help books for mentoring at work so I think that's also given him food for thought.

zippy1997

jackieblack wrote: »

This is a really positive step. Apart from the financial benefits, going back to work will help you to start rebuilding your own identity again, instead of being known as someone's wife or someone's mum, you'll be ''zippy', to new people who have never met your family.
It's a great step in the forward motion that will enable you to build your new life
I'm hoping so. Just need to get into a routine once OH leaves I think. it's all still too 'familiar' while he's still here. Have to learn to think for myself and problem solve more. Although there are things that are just too complicated for me!

Don't be too hard on yourself. The dog will provide good company and will be a great listener when you need to vent!

I do talk to him! Probably too much - he just looks at me like I'm loopy!

Tiddlywinks

zippy1997 wrote: »

He misses my OH too. OH has gradually stopped giving him time.

Stop projecting your feelings onto your dog.

Person_one

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Stop projecting your feelings onto your dog.

Is there any particular reason why you seem to have taken against this poster so much? If you find her so objectionable, why keep reading?

Dogs form attachments to humans, this is well known, they are affected if that human's behaviour towards them changes significantly.

Tiddlywinks

Person_one wrote: »

Is there any particular reason why you seem to have taken against this poster so much? If you find her so objectionable, why keep reading?

I have not 'taken against' the OP.

However, I believe that someone needs to just cut through all the emotional spin and just state the bleedin' obvious!

thorsoak

Keep the dog - ditch the OH and teenagers :-D A wise old friend of mine - who always had even more dogs than I have - said that when her children were teenagers and barely grunted when asked for opinions etc, at least the dogs showed enthusiasm at everything she said to them!

It seemed a very short time before I descended from the slope of a house full of teenagers/young adults/dogs/cats to a house occupied by just me and three dogs and two cats :-( But I always got a welcome home from them when I came in - and still do.

pollypenny

zippy1997 wrote: »

Thanks. Feels like I'm moaning all the time tbh! But here is the only place I can vent. Otherwise I'd scream!

OH is probably talking to people (work colleagues, well 1 I know of) and work does give him an outlet and he loves this job. He'd rather be there most of the time, he admitted that in the phone convo we had at the start. It's his escape. So I think he'll be a different person when he leaves. He's had to read a lot of self help books for mentoring at work so I think that's also given him food for thought.

Apart from the money and the confidence, work will enable you to make friends and give you a social life, Zippy.

You're onward and upward, now!

zippy1997

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Stop projecting your feelings onto your dog.

Well I'll try but he seems to pick up on the feelings in the house. And as OH is mostly ignoring him whereas before he used to play with him then I should tell OH to buck up and do his share maybe.