OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

kelpie35

Where is he going to get the money for a deposit for the rent?

Has he agreed what financial support he is giving you per week/month?

I am sure your PT job will not be enough for you and your daughter to live off.

You need to know for your own piece of mind.

zippy1997

kelpie35 wrote: »

Where is he going to get the money for a deposit for the rent?

Has he agreed what financial support he is giving you per week/month?

I am sure your PT job will not be enough for you and your daughter to live off.

You need to know for your own piece of mind.

Not sure where the money for the deposit will come from. He's going to look into renting a room, and I suppose will find out how much he'll need (deposit) at that point. Then we'll have to adjust finances to fit. There are areas to cut down on. We do have some savings (<£1000) that we have kept for emergencies (car, household stuff) so he would probably need to use that.

He will be paying most of the bills etc. here and we'll work out more as time goes by. Once I know how much I am earning a month we can adjust things.
We're trying to take things one at a time, but yes we seem to have more questions than answers right now.

I know I've let it get to this situation (re; my own finances/job). Still feeling very uneasy about everything, no matter how positive I think I need to be. One minute I'm OK then I'm not.

kelpie35

I know I've let it get to this situation (re; my own finances/job). Still feeling very uneasy about everything, no matter how positive I think I need to be. One minute I'm OK then I'm not.

It is only natural to feel that way.

I am sure in a few months you will look back and will be astonished at how well you have coped.

Was it today you went to the CAB/solicitors?

Primrose

Zippy. However low your earnings may be, do try and set aside from day 1 some of your earnings into a pension scheme for yourself. This is something that tends to get overlooked when women return to work but it really is vitally important that you try to think how you are going to fund yourself in the longer term is you are no longer living with and supported by your husband. You may feel that you have other urgent calls on your money but if possible try not to sacrifice the long term for the short term.


It may be worth seeking the advice of a financial adviser and setting up a personal stakeholder pension of some kind. If you plan only to be in jobs short term initially you will not be able to bulid up any pension rights by contributing to a company scheme, but it's nevertheless important to be doing something to make up the deficit during this time for all the years you've not been working. A divorce lawyer may eventually help you get agreement to some entitlement to your husband' pension but do not bank on this being sufficient to keep you in old age.

zippy1997

kelpie35 wrote: »

I know I've let it get to this situation (re; my own finances/job). Still feeling very uneasy about everything, no matter how positive I think I need to be. One minute I'm OK then I'm not.

It is only natural to feel that way.

I am sure in a few months you will look back and will be astonished at how well you have coped.

Was it today you went to the CAB/solicitors?

I hope so. I just want someone to talk to, not specifically to give advice just to listen. I don't feel I can just let rip (so to speak) to OH, or my family as they're already hearing enough. Sis has her own health issues and her OH's health going on. Really hope the Drs can help (suggestions - counselling etc..) when I (try to) go back on Friday. My mood changes at the minute quite frequently. Want the world to stop so I can hop off!

Yes, went to the solicitors this morning for the free 1/2 hr. To be honest he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Keeping the house until DD is 18 is the usual practice. Mediation can be used if we get stuck on things. Debts are seen as joint. He couldn't give more advice as at the moment things are very civil and we're only quite new to separating. He did suggest going for a divorce when wrapping up the final legal/financial settlement. 2 birds 1 stone kind of thing.

Will try to get to CAB this week if I can. They only do certain days in the local one.

zippy1997

Primrose wrote: »

Zippy. However low your earnings may be, do try and set aside from day 1 some of your earnings into a pension scheme for yourself. This is something that tends to get overlooked when women return to work but it really is vitally important that you try to think how you are going to fund yourself in the longer term is you are no longer living with and supported by your husband. You may feel that you have other urgent calls on your money but if possible try not to sacrifice the long term for the short term.


It may be worth seeking the advice of a financial adviser and setting up a personal stakeholder pension of some kind. If you plan only to be in jobs short term initially you will not be able to bulid up any pension rights by contributing to a company scheme, but it's nevertheless important to be doing something to make up the deficit during this time for all the years you've not been working. A divorce lawyer may eventually help you get agreement to some entitlement to your husband' pension but do not bank on this being sufficient to keep you in old age.

That's good advice thank you. I do have an old pension still ticking over from my 1st employment yrs ago - we put a small amount (£1!) in each month to keep it ticking over - but it's not a lot (<£5k and <£3k) but will try to look into other ways of putting money aside. I know I'm never going to have a big pension pot at the end of this and would need to live frugally. That's the way it is now and if I can put more away anything will be a bonus.

dktreesea

zippy1997 wrote: »

True. I have suggested in the past yr or 2 that now the kids are older and doing their own thing we can go do ours. His reply a lot is things cost money and we don't have it.
But yes, that's a good question.

Well, you do both have assets that can be converted to money, enough to clear the mortgage, debts and put £75k or so into both of your pockets. Maybe that's enough for you to each buy a couple of one bedroom flats somewhere within, say, a 50 mile radius of where you now live?



There's no need for you to forgo living in the house for two years (i.e. until your youngest reaches 18). So no rush on your part. But if your OH really believes he is going to be happier renting a room, either as a lodger or in an HMO, after living in and having the run of a house for years, imho he is dreaming.


What about the expense? There's plenty of rooms to let, on sites like www.spareroom.co.uk, but you wouldn't get a lot of change from £90 a week and you still have to feed yourself. I realise your OH is probably sick of his hour commute to work each way, and could save £50 to £60 a week on petrol if he lived near to his work, but I don't see, given the shortage of money, how he is going to be better off financially doing that.


Is it really fair for him to deprive his family of maybe £60 a week after taking into account things like eating at his other place of residence, plus the difference between the room rental and petrol/diesel?

justme111

dktreesea wrote: »

Is it really fair for him to deprive his family of maybe £60 a week after taking into account things like eating at his other place of residence, plus the difference between the room rental and petrol/diesel?

Of course it is not fair , he ought to provide now till he drops dead and God forbid spend any money on himself even if it is for a bed sit :rotfl:

zippy1997

dktreesea wrote: »

Well, you do both have assets that can be converted to money, enough to clear the mortgage, debts and put £75k or so into both of your pockets. Maybe that's enough for you to each buy a couple of one bedroom flats somewhere within, say, a 50 mile radius of where you now live?



There's no need for you to forgo living in the house for two years (i.e. until your youngest reaches 18). So no rush on your part. But if your OH really believes he is going to be happier renting a room, either as a lodger or in an HMO, after living in and having the run of a house for years, imho he is dreaming.


What about the expense? There's plenty of rooms to let, on sites like www.spareroom.co.uk, but you wouldn't get a lot of change from £90 a week and you still have to feed yourself. I realise your OH is probably sick of his hour commute to work each way, and could save £50 to £60 a week on petrol if he lived near to his work, but I don't see, given the shortage of money, how he is going to be better off financially doing that.


Is it really fair for him to deprive his family of maybe £60 a week after taking into account things like eating at his other place of residence, plus the difference between the room rental and petrol/diesel?

Well for him it's about space. He wants to leave and that's it. We can be a bit more frugal and when I'm working (albeit PT at the moment) that could free up some more cash for him.

The commute, I feel, has played a part in this (not a huge one, but a part). Sometimes it can take up to 2 hrs just to get home. That's why he bought another bike, so it would be a little quicker to get through the jams (and better on petrol). We did say we'd move closer when DD finished college. Oh well.

zippy1997

justme111 wrote: »

Of course it is not fair , he ought to provide now till he drops dead and God forbid spend any money on himself even if it is for a bed sit :rotfl:

LOL! We can make it work I feel. Surprisingly, given our debts, we're not big spenders so it will work. You can always cut back on something!