OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

missbiggles1

zippy1997 wrote: »

Being totally honest I am partially angry at spending 20 yrs going through several (and I mean several) redundancies and poor pay with him, not to mention others he's left because he didn't like the jobs, and debts all that time, yet now he has a decent long standing job with promotion prospects that could last until retirement and he's off. We even talked about moving closer once DD had finished her studies.

After the divorce he will be able to live very comfortably with that new car we always wanted and never had, holidays abroad and brand new pc's every yr to play his games on. Yes I am jealous. Things we planned together won't happen together.

So yes that is selfish I know that, but for me I thought we were building a life together and that's squashed. And i know sh*t happens, I do, I really do. Guess I was a little naive there.
And I try to say to my daughter not to rush her decision about her career as it has to be the right one, although she can change careers down the line, not set in stone. I never had a clue what I wanted to do/be and now here I am.
Now I have to build my own life. And watch him relish in his.
Damn.
Sorry had to vent.

But then you chose to be a SAHP for 20 years rather than to work, train and build your own career, so you're at least partly responsible for the situation you're in now.

leespot

You have no idea what's gone on? It's not as rose tinted as you make it out to be.

kelpie35

How much debt does he have? If it is all in his name he will have to deal with that.

If the majority of the debt has been used by him then it is up to him how he repays it.

It is not something I would worry about at the moment.

Has he made any arrangements to put the house up for sale?

At least you now have the opportunity to start afresh and I have every confidence in you that you will mange just fine and also be a happier person, you might not see this at the moment, but please believe me, it will happen.

Take care

zippy1997

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

You must have known there were issues in your marriage though, I can't imagine he would want out if it was mostly happy. I doubt it's about money for him.

Part of me felt guilt about leaving my marriage but I couldn't go on living with her, I went through a mix of emotions when I left but knew it was for the best.

Oh yes I knew we had issues, just didn't realise it had come to a head like this. If he'd come to me earlier maybe we could have tried to work through them. Anything we've done before has just been a band aid solution.

zippy1997

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But then you chose to be a SAHP for 20 years rather than to work, train and build your own career, so you're at least partly responsible for the situation you're in now.

Yes I am. I acknowledge that part. But it's not as black/white as all that.

zippy1997

kelpie35 wrote: »

How much debt does he have? If it is all in his name he will have to deal with that.

If the majority of the debt has been used by him then it is up to him how he repays it.

It is not something I would worry about at the moment.

Has he made any arrangements to put the house up for sale?

At least you now have the opportunity to start afresh and I have every confidence in you that you will mange just fine and also be a happier person, you might not see this at the moment, but please believe me, it will happen.

Take care

Most of the debt is in his name purely because he was the one who could get more credit. The 2 cards in my name, one is clear as we balance transferred onto my other one for a fixed rate for life.

He won't put the house up for sale for a while. He knows we can't rush this.

I do have an opportunity to start afresh and will try to make the best of it. Build my confidence with the new job is the start. Then go from there. The care home interview I got offered a job with has said to go back to them when I am in a position to take up a role there. So I shall do that in time. A support worker position is also a possibility. So I have options to think about when ready.

thorsoak

Zippy - it might be worth checking https://www.gov.uk/national-insurance-credits to see if you can claim NI credits retrospectively for the time you've claimed child benefit. I know its available up to the child reaching 16 years of age, but am not sure whether you have to state a claim or whether it is automatic.

zippy1997

thorsoak wrote: »

Zippy - it might be worth checking https://www.gov.uk/national-insurance-credits to see if you can claim NI credits retrospectively for the time you've claimed child benefit. I know its available up to the child reaching 16 years of age, but am not sure whether you have to state a claim or whether it is automatic.

Thanks, yep I will have to check, I think I've checked before but can't remember the outcome! I think if you're claiming child benefit it's automatically updated. But checking doesn't hurt.

zippy1997

My tummy seems to do back flips a lot lately.

And feeling very lonely. Even though there are 3 other people in the house! Trouble is, I'm downstairs and they're all upstairs in their respective rooms.

zippy1997

zippy1997 wrote: »

My tummy seems to do back flips a lot lately.

And feeling very lonely. Even though there are 3 other people in the house! Trouble is, I'm downstairs and they're all upstairs in their respective rooms.

Actually they're all playing the same game so talking to each other.