OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

leespot

You won't feel happy at the moment you'll feel cheated and hurt. You've obviously done a good job with the kids and that shows in the way that they've handled it - be proud!

zippy1997

I know. i should be happy the kids are taking it so well. Very well. And I am.
I'd worried about this for 2 weeks. Now it's like nothing is happening.
Yet I'm still in the same place.

zippy1997

leespot wrote: »

You won't feel happy at the moment you'll feel cheated and hurt. You've obviously done a good job with the kids and that shows in the way that they've handled it - be proud!

They are good kids yeah.
I just feel empty. It's a weird feeling.

kelpie35

I am sorry you feel so upset just now.

Take a deep breathe, go and have a relaxing bath if you can.

Now you can start making plans for a life, which hopefully, will now be stress free and you will be able to please yourself what you do.

I hope your husband has started to make plans for moving out, don't try to delay it as it will only delay further upset to you.

You need to put yourself 1st now.

Take care

zippy1997

kelpie35 wrote: »

I am sorry you feel so upset just now.

Take a deep breathe, go and have a relaxing bath if you can.

Now you can start making plans for a life, which hopefully, will now be stress free and you will be able to please yourself what you do.

I hope your husband has started to make plans for moving out, don't try to delay it as it will only delay further upset to you.

You need to put yourself 1st now.

Take care

I felt better before we told them! Strangely....
Now I don't know what to feel. I know we can move forward now - just a weird feeling.
He'll be looking in the next few weeks.

annandale

All the best to you.

I'm coming off these boards but I wish you and yours all the best for your future

Good luck

X

thorsoak

zippy1997 wrote: »

Kinda feel stupid though. I'm the emotional upset angry one. Sitting here on my own.

Teenagers are very astute and often see things before those involved do - and I wouldn't mind betting that your two have been texting/communicating whilst your son has been away. They will accept things, don't worry.

And you have every right to have these feelings - now start expressing them - especially to the OH! Show him how angry you are - tell him that you are seeing solicitor etc etc etc.

At the moment you are doing what I guess you have done all your married life - holding things in, keeping things "good" for the children, for the easier life. But it isn't the easier life - it has been so hard on you, trying to keep things "normal" - when no-one knows what normal is - apart from thinking it is what other families have and do.

Don't ask him what he wants to do - make a plan of your own - and tell him what you want to do, now your plans don't include him.

By the way - family dog will soon settle to the fact that he is left on his own for longer than he has been accustomed - especially if you can arrange for a dog walker to break up his day. And of course, OH is going to find that will be included in what HE has to pay for!

Now blow your nose, put on your Big Girl Knickers - and start preparing for your new life xxxx]

jackieblack

justme111 wrote: »

Off topic , sorry .
Forgive him for what ? I hope back then you made it clear to her that he have not in any way let her down and that his personal life ( whether he stays in a couple with you or not) is non of her business. I hope you not only encouraged him to keep in touch but made it clear to her she was very wrong in cutting him off due to him not wanting to live with you.
Poor bloke ended up facing complete breakdown of relationship with children if he taken what was his by law. I would like to see any of those women who fight tooth and nail for all they "entitled to" to suffer similar consequences.

Actually, there was a period of time when his behaviour was very poor (that's being polite, actually he completely ruined Christmas and when she passed her driving test the day before Christmas Eve and got engaged on Christmas morning he was either AWOL or behaving like a complete a**ehole). He actually let her down in multiple different ways on multiple occasions.
She was extremely angry with him for the way he behaved and for the way he went about things. He didn't deal with any part of the situation well, in fact he couldn't have dealt with it less well. Imagine the worst way of dealing with a difficult situation and that is probably better than how he did it.
I (and he) knew that she needed time and distance to work through her feelings and come to terms with the situation. And this is what happened.

With regard to the house and our financial agreement, although the starting point in law is 50/50, there is a lot that goes on in a marriage of 23 years that, while not being relevant legally, are enormously relevant to what constitutes 'fair', morally, to the couple/family.
The bottom line is, we came to an amicable agreement, that addressed both our needs and that we were/are both happy with. We both received legal advice on it and the judge who sealed the Consent Order, after being given the reasons behind it, was satisfied that it was fair, and within the legal guidelines of what constitutes fair.

And what the 'poor bloke' faced was entirely due to his own behaviour and his own decisions. The 'poor bloke' is the only one who has had any choice in all of this, the rest of us have just had to 'suck it up'. The 'poor bloke' broke promises and behaved completely selfishly. The 'poor bloke' 'reaped' what he had 'sowed'.
Unsurprisingly, when he stopped behaving like a total a*se, and started giving a damn about someone other than himself their relationship started to improve (go figure, huh? :huh:)

Anway, two years on we are all getting on well, so however we got to this point obviously worked out.

(Sorry OP, not trying to derail your thread but needed to respond)

jackieblack

zippy1997 wrote: »

Well, OK the only one upset there was me.
Apparently we have 2 intelligent children who were 'waiting for it' to happen.
I was obviously blind to it all.

It's entirely natural for you to feel upset, but moving forward will be so much easier now that they know and the fact they've taken it well will make it less stressful for you.
As others have said, they may have been aware that something wasn't right so it wasn't a 'bolt from the blue' or they may be putting on a brave face so as not to make things more difficult for you. Either way it is good that they have each other to talk to and for support.

New day today. Another day in the journey to your new life. Onwards and upwards!
Well done, you're doing brilliantly

zippy1997

thorsoak wrote: »

Teenagers are very astute and often see things before those involved do - and I wouldn't mind betting that your two have been texting/communicating whilst your son has been away. They will accept things, don't worry.

And you have every right to have these feelings - now start expressing them - especially to the OH! Show him how angry you are - tell him that you are seeing solicitor etc etc etc.

At the moment you are doing what I guess you have done all your married life - holding things in, keeping things "good" for the children, for the easier life. But it isn't the easier life - it has been so hard on you, trying to keep things "normal" - when no-one knows what normal is - apart from thinking it is what other families have and do.

Don't ask him what he wants to do - make a plan of your own - and tell him what you want to do, now your plans don't include him.

By the way - family dog will soon settle to the fact that he is left on his own for longer than he has been accustomed - especially if you can arrange for a dog walker to break up his day. And of course, OH is going to find that will be included in what HE has to pay for!

Now blow your nose, put on your Big Girl Knickers - and start preparing for your new life xxxx]

Yep, I need to start acting like an adult. I know what I need to do it's just doing it that's the scary part. Has to happen and will be happening. Just need to get to the acceptance stage like everyone else has.

OH did tell DD, who had one question - about the dog! - that the dog wouldn't be going anywhere. I can't think why he said that as he can't guarantee that in the future but there you go.