OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

pollypenny wrote: »

Apart from the money and the confidence, work will enable you to make friends and give you a social life, Zippy.

You're onward and upward, now!

I hope so! It's sunny today, makes me feel better than the dreary weather.

Going to speak to my BIL's brother about his experiences in this situation so hopefully he can give me some advice how he handled things.

Off to sign the store paperwork soon. If I can find somewhere to park! I was hoping the lady was going so say an early time as it's tricky at the best of times finding a space, but at this time of yr?! Better give myself plenty of time I think!

zippy1997

Person_one wrote: »

Is there any particular reason why you seem to have taken against this poster so much? If you find her so objectionable, why keep reading?

Dogs form attachments to humans, this is well known, they are affected if that human's behaviour towards them changes significantly.

I don't mind straight talking - to a point! Not sure how I can stop the dog 'feeling' any of my emotions though!

thorsoak

I am a firm believer in the fact that dogs do "pick up" on emotions ...mine always know when I'm feeling low - but there again, like children, they also know when I need to get on - and that's when they are at their most awkward!

zippy1997

Feeling low again. OH is going to see a place tomorrow and also wants to talk about things (financial etc..) on Saturday. He's in a better place than me. Totally detached whereas I'm still tearful. I can stomach only a small amount of talk then I have to take a break.
Really hope this passes tbh. I need to stop being so emotional about it.

jayII

zippy1997 wrote: »

Feeling low again. OH is going to see a place tomorrow and also wants to talk about things (financial etc..) on Saturday. He's in a better place than me. Totally detached whereas I'm still tearful. I can stomach only a small amount of talk then I have to take a break.
Really hope this passes tbh. I need to stop being so emotional about it.

Would it help to do something practical before you talk? Fill in an SOA (statement of affairs--incomings, outgoings and so on) or sign up for and fill in a trial of YNAB ('You Need A Budget'), for example.

It may not work for you, but when I'm overwhelmed, I find it helps to do do practical things that will help the situation. It both takes my mind off the situation I'm in and means that I'm better prepared for what is to come (in this case the finances conversation with your husband).

For what it's worth, I think you're doing really well in a very hard situation.

jamiehelsinki

It's probably worth you sitting down with him to see what he suggests.
It doesn't sound like he's out to screw you over, you don't have to accept anything there and then. See what he says and is offering then just tell him you need some time to think about it.

He will handle it better than you as he wants out of the relationship while although you know things are not right between the two of you would rather carry on as things are while avoiding change.

Although your scared at the moment you do have a fresh start, maybe think of things you would like to do in the future and work towards them. You might even meet someone else along the way.

zippy1997

jayII wrote: »

Would it help to do something practical before you talk? Fill in an SOA (statement of affairs--incomings, outgoings and so on) or sign up for and fill in a trial of YNAB ('You Need A Budget'), for example.

It may not work for you, but when I'm overwhelmed, I find it helps to do do practical things that will help the situation. It both takes my mind off the situation I'm in and means that I'm better prepared for what is to come (in this case the finances conversation with your husband).

For what it's worth, I think you're doing really well in a very hard situation.

I could try that. I guess I'd rather not do it on Xmas eve. It's a tough time anyway - still, as I still miss my Mum and it's another yr without her. It's coming up to the 5 yr anniversary and it's still makes me emotional.
Not an excuse, as I know it has to be done, just another reason I'm a little bit emotional right now.

I do like writing lists and working things out, that's what usually makes me happy and in control, so I'll try to research things tomorrow and be prepared.

zippy1997

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

It's probably worth you sitting down with him to see what he suggests.

Yes, it has to be done. Just starts me off crying after a while of talking about things.

It doesn't sound like he's out to screw you over, you don't have to accept anything there and then. See what he says and is offering then just tell him you need some time to think about it.

Oh no, he'll be more than reasonable in the circumstances. He just wants out and to make it as painless and quick as possible.

He will handle it better than you as he wants out of the relationship while although you know things are not right between the two of you would rather carry on as things are while avoiding change.

True. He's gone past the emotional point I think. Plus he keeps talking about compartmentalizing things. I can't do that. I don't tend to like change no, but it's inevitable here - the uncertainty is playing on my mind a lot.

Although your scared at the moment you do have a fresh start, maybe think of things you would like to do in the future and work towards them. You might even meet someone else along the way.

I just want to be happy and able to pay bills. I'm a shy kind of person so meeting someone will probably be impossible - and not sure i'd want that tbh. This has kind of soured me a bit. I know that's pathetic to say but it's draining and the thought of going through this again is not worth it. (I met OH at work so .....).
I'd like to travel, even in this country would be fine. OH is happy at home. But that could be because of me IDK.

whitewing

zippy, while it is good to face things and discuss things, it is also a stressful time of year in a lot of ways. You don't have to decide on everything. You will get through this.

zippy1997

I have no idea whether I have more confidence or I'm just faking it. I don't feel that good right now but am trying to keep an act up. That's not good either.