OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

ecgirl07

zippy1997 wrote: »

I could try that. I guess I'd rather not do it on Xmas eve. It's a tough time anyway - still, as I still miss my Mum and it's another yr without her. It's coming up to the 5 yr anniversary and it's still makes me emotional.
Not an excuse, as I know it has to be done, just another reason I'm a little bit emotional right now.

I do like writing lists and working things out, that's what usually makes me happy and in control, so I'll try to research things tomorrow and be prepared.

An other way to look on it is "quicker sorted quicker mended", get the chat out the way Christmas Eve and come 1st of January you know where you stand. New Year,New life, New you! Start the positive mind set that 2017 will be a great year where you take on the challenges positively and make the best of every situation.

Spendless

I wouldn't want to have a chat on Xmas Eve either. I'd feel emotionally 'raw' after such a conversation and that would have a knock on effect of how I felt on Christmas Day and possibly affect my Christmas days for many years to come. As already pointed out, anything he decides to do on Dec 24th, probably can't be acted on till after the holiday break anyway and is highly unlikely he can do anything about on Dec 25th. Put the conversation off until after Christmas Day.

thorsoak

Just tell him - you've waited all this time to "discuss" this with me - now my choice is that we leave it until next week.

Don't let him make all the running - start taking charge. Things are different now - accept and embrace the change - you CAN do it! xxx

thorsoak

And I'll lay odds to the fact that his "lesbian" friend has offered him a room ........

Tiddlywinks

thorsoak wrote: »

And I'll lay odds to the fact that his "lesbian" friend has offered him a room ........

So what? Does it matter?

The relationship has broken down. Pointing fingers at this stage will only increase animosity and keep the OP wallowing.

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I personally would have the chat on Christmas Eve - if you put it off then the 'unknown' and 'unsaid' stuff could be worse than what is actually discussed during the conversation.

At least having discussed it, things will be clearer and you can then get on with Christmas with the family.

justme111

Zippy , have you noticed that on one hand you saying husband avoided talking , on another that you can last only short time into the talk and start crying.
Thorsoak , lesbian or not, just friend or not - it does not matter as the most important bit of information is that he does not want to live with op. Starting rationalising it with the idea that he has an affair and that is the reason is not helpful.
Re Christmas - it is " ruined" anyway, talk or not talk as there is a massive stress either way
On another hand it depends on op's perception , talk may make it better or not talk - her and his choice

zippy1997

justme111 wrote: »

Zippy , have you noticed that on one hand you saying husband avoided talking , on another that you can last only short time into the talk and start crying.

Yep, good point. I think maybe he wants to talk now because he's finally going to see place tonight - a bit further from work than he'd hoped for though. So petrol costs could be more than first thought, although his friend (yes the lesbian) has said it's on her way to work so could car share (petrol cost share).

Thorsoak , lesbian or not, just friend or not - it does not matter as the most important bit of information is that he does not want to live with op. Starting rationalising it with the idea that he has an affair and that is the reason is not helpful.

She's def a lesbian, so I really don't think it's an issue. Once separated he can see who he wants. Won't be my business any more.

Re Christmas - it is " ruined" anyway, talk or not talk as there is a massive stress either way
On another hand it depends on op's perception , talk may make it better or not talk - her and his choice

True. It's already tainted and I really am not in a 'Xmassy' mood. Haven't even wrapped the presents I've bought yet. Have to do that later/tonight.

I think I'll see exactly what he wants to talk about, after his visit tonight, and go from there. I'd rather do it in stages, like he keeps saying he's doing ('compartmentalizing' is his favourite word right now....). So we feel like we're getting somewhere but not all at once. Like others have said, nothing can be sorted until after Boxing day anyway now. He's away for 2 days next week but we'll have a few days to talk more without rushing it.
We'll try to sort out who we have to inform and how the money is going to work (what accounts to use etc..).

zippy1997

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

So what? Does it matter?

The relationship has broken down. Pointing fingers at this stage will only increase animosity and keep the OP wallowing.

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I personally would have the chat on Christmas Eve - if you put it off then the 'unknown' and 'unsaid' stuff could be worse than what is actually discussed during the conversation.

At least having discussed it, things will be clearer and you can then get on with Christmas with the family.

I don't think he wants to discuss anything deep. Just the figures. If he likes this room tonight he may well accept it. It's the only one he's seen (booked to see) so far so not sure if he wants to accept the 1st one he sees or keep looking.

zippy1997

Kinda peed off right now. I asked DD if she knew OH wasn't home for dinner as he was looking at a room tonight and she did, so I didn't think to mention it to DS. Neither did OH apparently. They share a room at the moment, you'd think he could have mentioned it!

Primrose

Your family are not good communicators are they Zippy? Either they're all conniving to say nothing to try and keep the peace or, like your husband, are all wrapped up their own world. You must feel tempted to say "well as none of you are communicating your plans I will just cook for myself in future".