OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

duchy

zippy1997 wrote: »

Any colleagues/friends I have through my previous jobs have all petered out. My old friend lives a bit far away to keep meeting up so that's fallen away. I don't actually have any one of that nature to talk to. My sis has been lending her ear and I know my Dad will - they'll both be over in a couple of hours to talk, which should be fun *sense the sarcasm!*

Making new friends in your own right at this point can be helpful as you can tell them as much or as little as you choose. Whether that is through work or through social activity groups (Meet up tends to have doing things , it's for making friends not for dating)

dktreesea

Just a thought about assets of the marriage. (And I do think its good advice to get a divorce lawyer involved given from that you've said the assets are in his name.) Make sure you include his occupational pension, if he has one, in the assets of the marriage.

duchy

Frankly though I think the dog is a bit of a red herring at this point. You don't live alone and your daughter can do the stuff you can't if you are working if she's at college. The dog is a concern that can be sorted later on, far more pressing is finding work , later on possibly finding somewhere to live that you can afford. Realistically if both kids are at uni then that will be a one or two bedroom place. If that means they have to camp on the sofa in vacation time then so be it. Most students don't come home for the whole of all vacations so it usually works out. Does your daughter have plans for university ?

Legal advice, Job, Home, Dog in that order.
If you can agree that you stay in the house until your daughter turns 18 then sell it and divide the asset (if there are other assets like he is paying into a pension then your share of the property c an be more than 50% to offset that asset, one reason why you need your own legal advice early on.) then you have at least two years before worrying about reforming the dog and in the meantime he will have got used to you not been home in the day so a different situation.

Again broadening your social network can often help finding somewhere new to live . I got the perfect flat for my son simply by bumping into an acquaintance who told me she was moving . I'd often joked her flat would be perfect for him......I doorstepped her landlord after he did her check out an hour later (I did know him by sight but not well) and an hour after that I had the keys. Luck? Maybe but I do think sometimes you can make your own luck.....or at least give it a shove in the right direction. (Also very MSE as no fees and as he knows my partner in a business context no waiting for references)

zippy1997

dktreesea wrote: »

Just a thought about assets of the marriage. (And I do think its good advice to get a divorce lawyer involved given from that you've said the assets are in his name.) Make sure you include his occupational pension, if he has one, in the assets of the marriage.

The mortgage is in joint names, he doesn't have a work pension just an old one that is still active but we don't put any money into.

zippy1997

duchy wrote: »

Frankly though I think the dog is a bit of a red herring at this point. You don't live alone and your daughter can do the stuff you can't if you are working if she's at college. The dog is a concern that can be sorted later on, far more pressing is finding work , later on possibly finding somewhere to live that you can afford. Realistically if both kids are at uni then that will be a one or two bedroom place. If that means they have to camp on the sofa in vacation time then so be it. Most students don't come home for the whole of all vacations so it usually works out. Does your daughter have plans for university ?

Legal advice, Job, Home, Dog in that order.
If you can agree that you stay in the house until your daughter turns 18 then sell it and divide the asset (if there are other assets like he is paying into a pension then your share of the property c an be more than 50% to offset that asset, one reason why you need your own legal advice early on.) then you have at least two years before worrying about reforming the dog and in the meantime he will have got used to you not been home in the day so a different situation.

Again broadening your social network can often help finding somewhere new to live . I got the perfect flat for my son simply by bumping into an acquaintance who told me she was moving . I'd often joked her flat would be perfect for him......I doorstepped her landlord after he did her check out an hour later (I did know him by sight but not well) and an hour after that I had the keys. Luck? Maybe but I do think sometimes you can make your own luck.....or at least give it a shove in the right direction. (Also very MSE as no fees and as he knows my partner in a business context no waiting for references)

Thanks for all the comments. Yes I agree the dog can adapt, trouble is daughter is at college pretty much all day as it's about an hour away by bus. It's during the middle of the day, if I work full time or can't swing PT around that, that could be a problem for him. As I said, a dog walker paid for by OH to start with could sort that.
I know my sis would also take time to come over if needed (not ideal as disabled and not just 5 mins up the road) but it's something I suppose.

OH has mentioned not wanting any equity in the house so we can find something, not sure when he means or if he knows the true value of the house. As the one he measured the equity on was far from what I think we could get. Plus he could change his mind. Yes I've been thinking a 1 or 2 bed. If a 1 bed, I'd even sleep on a sofa bed if DD was still at home so she could have the bedroom. (We'd make it work for DS, although as i said he'd probably stay with OH). DD not sure about Uni yet, as she hasn't decided on a career as such yet.

I seem to be OK at making friends, but keeping them is another thing! Mainly as I just lose contact. They're busy, I have nothing to talk about (as don't work) and that's that.

zippy1997

duchy wrote: »

I think the reality is he has checked out emotionally from all of you at the moment. It is a defence mechanism .

Did you ever find Jack's threadcalled something like "How much should I provide". It's very long thread but gives a perspective from the man's side .....it's a very similar situation with one child at uni and the other at home and the wife not having worked. It may give you some insight into your husband and children's thought processes as well as the legal side.

Yes I think that's possible re; checking out.

I did find Jack's thread, and remember reading it at some point(I used to scan MSE forums for any threads to read that looked interesting). He seems like a lovely guy, glad he's found happiness again. I hope I'm a little better than his wife though! I actually want to find a job ...

zippy1997

Ideally I'd like 2 PT jobs. One morning and one afternoon/evening. That also covers me if one ends, I won't be penniless!

prosaver

What about the dog?

duchy

I think you need to be realistic though.
Two part time jobs mean usually two minimum wage jobs , double the travelling, complications with tax and NI not to mention the added difficulty of finding two jobs with hours that exactly dovetail and no expectation of flexibility to cover other staff holidays or sickness.
I do know someone who does this but she works nights in her full time job (Royal Mail) and termtime as a school bus escort transporting kids with disabilities to and from school. A job in retail or as a carer tends to look for some flexibility (to suit the employer not the employee).

If you have a non Barky dog there are well known and respected companies that employ staff to work from home as customer service agents (not cold selling but taking incoming calls to the companies)which might suit you, but not if the dog is audiable when you are on the phone.

duchy

prosaver wrote: »

What about the dog?

The dog won't be working

I think the OP is thinking a morning job , time to go home to walk the dog then off out again for the other job in the afternoons