Wedding cake

LilElvis

Deleted - duplicate post

Lily-Rose_3

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

My closest friend got engaged recently - very happy times I offered to make their wedding cake, which was enthusiastically accepted by my friend, it was understood that I would offer previously as I'm a keen baker and they like my cakes a lot. However after checking with their partner, I'm told they'd like to ask partner's mum first - fair enough. But then it goes on to "if partner's mum doesn't want to make it, we'll buy one". My competence isn't in question - they've both eaten my cakes and know that I'm willing and able to make whatever they wish. I'm really baffled and upset by the preference for a bought cake - I have no idea why someone would prefer that. Any opinions gratefully received.

Thanks,
Rosemary

I have to (regrettably) agree, with the posters here. I think even though your friends (particularly the hubby,) may like your home-made cake (which I am sure is delish!) they probably don't want you to make a cake for the most important day of their lives. They probably want something different to what you can do, or maybe just want to go 'professional.' Some people are just like this.

One of my friends had a similar situation; she had a cousin who is a photographer (well she takes lot of pics, but doesn't make a career out of it,) and she wanted to be their wedding photographer, and they politely declined. She was really offended, but the simple fact was that they just wanted a 'professional.'

ALSO, we needed something doing in the house once, and a neighbour said her husband would do it, but we just wanted it doing by a professional too. But for the reason that if something went wrong, we would have more comeback IYSWIM.

Please don't take it personally. Just ask again and say 'are you SURE you don't want me to make your cake' Just to be sure, but then when (or if!) they say no.

Tigsteroonie

Maybe your closest friend wants you 'free' on the day, and not distracted worrying about what people think of your cake. She might have alternative plans for your role; or she might simply want you to be able to enjoy her big day.

DigForVictory

About the only advantage of a shop bought or professional cake is the hissy fit &/or expectation management potential. If someone wants to have a dose of moral (p)outrage over something, then your friend may be all too aware of this & be shielding you from the relative for whom Nothing Is Ever Good Enough.
(I've always wondered why such members of the family are invited to weddings when they So Enjoy complaining & why At Least One Assassination is not a standard wedding gift, but then my family are lovingly tolerant of most of my eccentric ideas, & tend to hustle me well away from said relative lest I become the object of their disapproval. As I answer back...)

poppystar

It may not be about the cake?… is your friend's partner perhaps jealous or uncomfortable with your close friendship and just wants to assert themself?

just a thought

Mupette

They have done you a favour, friendships are special, you just need one person not to like your cake and its downhill from there.

(bare in mind i have MS and so may not say what i mean, falty wires etc)

Great Aunt Maud doesn't like it, mother in law then gets upset, filters down to bride and groom........ Best out of it.

It might have been mother or mother in law has already started taking over the show and said no home made cake, (why i don't know) even though you have said you make amazing cakes and they like them.

People are funny creatures

coolcait

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

My closest friend got engaged recently - very happy times I offered to make their wedding cake, which was enthusiastically accepted by my friend, it was understood that I would offer previously as I'm a keen baker and they like my cakes a lot. However after checking with their partner, I'm told they'd like to ask partner's mum first - fair enough. But then it goes on to "if partner's mum doesn't want to make it, we'll buy one". My competence isn't in question - they've both eaten my cakes and know that I'm willing and able to make whatever they wish. I'm really baffled and upset by the preference for a bought cake - I have no idea why someone would prefer that. Any opinions gratefully received.

Thanks,
Rosemary

The bit in bold is your answer.

It has nothing to do with your cake-making skills, or anyone's preference for homemade versus bought.

It's entirely down to the dynamics and politics within your friend's partner's family.

If the cake isn't made by the partner's mum, then it will not be made by any other person who might be at the wedding.

You may have had a lucky escape! Against those attitudes and dynamics, the best cake in the world would be found wanting by some...

Ask your friend if there is some other way that you can help and support her with the wedding. I suspect that she may have need it.

Rosemary7391

Thanks for the replies everyone. In the interests of not repeating things I'm trying to select comments to reply to that all have different things to say, but all your thoughts are much appreciated

I'm amused by the number of people inventing extra women involved - I'm female, but both friend and friend's partner are male

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Maybe your closest friend wants you 'free' on the day, and not distracted worrying about what people think of your cake. She might have alternative plans for your role; or she might simply want you to be able to enjoy her big day.

I've not been told of any plans involving me for the day - he's suggested I might do a reading but nothing concrete. Also, I have now got to worry about keeping a straight face when our mutual friends ask if I made the cake - and they will, because that's what I do, at the slightest excuse or none I bring cake to an event or meeting. Not just homely tasty cakes, but pretty cakes and crazy project cakes. I've never yet turned down a suggestion - I love the challenge!

I've looked on google images for "Wedding cake" and I can honestly say I don't think anything there is beyond me, especially with the amount of time to practise I would have. I'd've made an entire cake for them to inspect as well if they wanted it. Someone said about penny pinching - they've not had their invites professionally done and I don't think the partner's mum is a professional baker either. So I'm not sure it's about that although they do have plenty of money.

poppystar wrote: »

It may not be about the cake?… is your friend's partner perhaps jealous or uncomfortable with your close friendship and just wants to assert themself?

just a thought

I really hope not

coolcait wrote: »

The bit in bold is your answer.

It has nothing to do with your cake-making skills, or anyone's preference for homemade versus bought.

It's entirely down to the dynamics and politics within your friend's partner's family.

If the cake isn't made by the partner's mum, then it will not be made by any other person who might be at the wedding.

You may have had a lucky escape! Against those attitudes and dynamics, the best cake in the world would be found wanting by some...

Ask your friend if there is some other way that you can help and support her with the wedding. I suspect that she may have need it.

I can't believe that anyone is that unreasonable! And it still doesn't make sense to not explain that to me if it were true. I'm not likely to be upset by randomers not liking the cake and my friend knows I'm well versed in ignoring relatives anyway. Those sorts of people probably wouldn't be satisfied with any cake/some other aspect of the wedding either.

I've also offered to help with anything else wedding or house move related and been turned down flat I don't even know how far through the planning they are at this stage.

FBaby

I think you need to accept that when it comes to cooking/baking, it is a question of taste. You might consider that you make wonderful cakes, that doesn't mean everyone agrees.

I had something similar happening to me. For one of my big birthday secret party, one my closed friend offered my OH to make my cake. He agreed and she was over the moon. Her cake tasted ok-ish, but I hated it. Firstly, she misspelled the wording trying to write it in a foreign language, and then I didn't like the flavours and there was too much icing for my liking (I am not a fan of icing at all). The cake was not my style, over the top with decorations etc...

Of course, I said nothing but thanked her because she put so much efforts into it, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so she was convinced I'd loved it. Thankfully, there was no mention of her doing my wedding cake so it there was no awkwardness, but if she had, I would have had to say no thank you for this occasion.

Don't get offended, it is only a matter of taste, nothing else. Your friend probably likes your cakes, his partner doesn't.

Person_one

Ok, I'm really not trying to be harsh here, sorry in advance if it comes across that way.

Your reply above kind of shows that you are not very open to criticism or to the possibility of being wrong. You can't believe that anybody could possibly make a wedding cake better than you can, or that there could be any legitimate reason why your friends might want to pay for a cake rather than have you make one.

Is there any chance that attitude is partly to blame for them preferring not to involve you in the plans? After all, two good friends are getting married, and that they are both male in some ways makes it an even happier and more special occasion as this wouldn't have even been possible a few years ago, but your response has been to get put out about the cake and because they haven't responded to you trying to get more involved. Maybe they want to avoid any chance of you getting similarly put out and upset about something in the lead up to the wedding and on the day itself?