Wedding cake

Rosemary7391

Hi everyone,

My closest friend got engaged recently - very happy times I offered to make their wedding cake, which was enthusiastically accepted by my friend, it was understood that I would offer previously as I'm a keen baker and they like my cakes a lot. However after checking with their partner, I'm told they'd like to ask partner's mum first - fair enough. But then it goes on to "if partner's mum doesn't want to make it, we'll buy one". My competence isn't in question - they've both eaten my cakes and know that I'm willing and able to make whatever they wish. I'm really baffled and upset by the preference for a bought cake - I have no idea why someone would prefer that. Any opinions gratefully received.

Thanks,
Rosemary

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lika_86

Maybe they are worried about putting you to the effort. Alternatively maybe they love your cakes but they aren't quite what they have in mind for their wedding. Maybe they're concerned that they won't be able to be as honest with you about what they want and don't want as they would be able to with someone they're paying.

Either ask them or let it go (weddings do make people a little crazy).

Rosemary7391

lika_86 wrote: »

Maybe they are worried about putting you to the effort. Alternatively maybe they love your cakes but they aren't quite what they have in mind for their wedding. Maybe they're concerned that they won't be able to be as honest with you about what they want and don't want as they would be able to with someone they're paying.

Either ask them or let it go (weddings do make people a little crazy).

Thanks for your reply. I did ask my friend, but they don't know why their partner is so against my making the cake. We're very close, so I don't think anything else you've mentioned would apply - past experience would show that I'm happy to bake anything, that I enjoy baking, don't find it an effort, and I really care about them so wouldn't mind even if it was an effort. I was really looking forward to making it

PasturesNew

Just putting this out there, don't shoot the messenger....

If somebody offers me a free slice of cake I'll say it's gorgeous .... if they give me a whole cake for my birthday because I said their cake's gorgeous then I'll smile ... and ... well, god knows what I'm going to do with that.

Maybe ..... she doesn't really "LIKE" your cake for such a formal occasion, where she wants it "just perfect".

Unless you're selling lots of your cakes, with lots of rave reviews, then you can't really be the judge of whether you actually make good/nice cake, or whether people are just grateful when you/anybody gives them a free slice ...

Nobody's going to spit it out are they.

And/or, maybe it might be "a bit of nice cake" in an informal setting, formal settings require a bit more "certainty" and finish.

Have you ever had independent strangers "judge" you?

Lioness_Twinkletoes

There is a world of difference between being a competent home baker and being able to produce a stunning wedding cake. They want a professional cake not a home made effort.

Rosemary7391

PasturesNew wrote: »

Just putting this out there, don't shoot the messenger....

If somebody offers me a free slice of cake I'll say it's gorgeous .... if they give me a whole cake for my birthday because I said their cake's gorgeous then I'll smile ... and ... well, god knows what I'm going to do with that.

Maybe ..... she doesn't really "LIKE" your cake for such a formal occasion, where she wants it "just perfect".

Unless you're selling lots of your cakes, with lots of rave reviews, then you can't really be the judge of whether you actually make good/nice cake, or whether people are just grateful when you/anybody gives them a free slice ...

Nobody's going to spit it out are they.

And/or, maybe it might be "a bit of nice cake" in an informal setting, formal settings require a bit more "certainty" and finish.

Have you ever had independent strangers "judge" you?

Of course I haven't had independent strangers judge me - who does that!?? He even asked if my fondant roses were real. As I said - my competence isn't the problem here. My friend would have been honest with me if that were the case, and he knows I was prepared to put a lot of time into making it just perfect.

lika_86

It's as much your friend's partner's wedding as hers, if he has fixed ideas about what he wants from the cake then unfortunately, as much as you'd like to make it for them, you have to accept it's their day and their decision about what they want. It was a lovely offer to make and I hope it won't influence your friendship negatively.

SuzieSue

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. I did ask my friend, but they don't know why their partner is so against my making the cake. We're very close, so I don't think anything else you've mentioned would apply - past experience would show that I'm happy to bake anything, that I enjoy baking, don't find it an effort, and I really care about them so wouldn't mind even if it was an effort. I was really looking forward to making it

Well, if your friend's partner won't tell her why he doesn't want you to bake the cake then there is nothing you can do. Don't let it upset you - it is your friend's partner who is the problem here, not you. Some people are just strange.

Kaye1

Perhaps he doesn't want a 'homemade' cake because it looks like it is penny pinching?

Don't get me wrong, I would choose homemade cake over shop bought all day long but some people may be concerned about what it looks like to other people.

You sound really lovely to offer up your help so freely- try not to let it worry you.

meer53

Let them buy a cake if thats what they want to do, i wouldn't want to do it if it were me, maybe they're not wanting you to feel awkward if anyone passes a negative comment about the cake ?

LilElvis

Maybe he doesn't want fondant roses, perhaps something more contemporary, and can't see you being able to achieve it?

My neighbour is a trained florist and I smile nicely and complement her artistry when she brings round a big Christmas floral display as a gift. I then have to find a place to put it where i dont really have to see it. She's always busy doing huge weddings and parties, but her taste isn't mine.

He might actually be trying his best not to compromise your friendship. If he doesn't give his partner a reason as to why he doesn't want you to bake the cake then she won't be put in the invidious position of feeling obliged to tell you and possibly upset you.