Am I wrong !

tea_lover

belinda729 wrote: »

He says I spend money on frivolous stuff...and it all adds up but anything I buy is for the house or the kids

Doesn't mean it's not frivolous (not that I'm saying it necessarily is, just that it could be). If you're talking about essentials then yes, you have a point. If you're buying brand new clothes for the children they don't need, decorating all the time etc. then I think he has a point.

helcat26

Actually I think you are wrong, because clearly you have not had a discussion about household finances and who is responsible for what.
It seems from your posts that you view him as responsible for the whole family , while he views himself as responsible for only some contribution to the family as a whole, his child, and himself.
Unless you have had the talk you cannot condemn this.


You need to sit down and say what you want, and see if it fits in with what he wants.
You say you get child benefit but surely you also get maintenance from the father of your other children?


Christmas has gone silly you should spend what can be afforded and engender that message into your children's expectations.

ognum

Without further information on how you met, why you got together in the first place and the attitude you both have to life, family and the future everything is speculation.

For my part I believe that unless you can sit down and talk through your issues your relationship will fail within a couple of years. So TALK!

belinda729

He is impossible to talk to it usually ends up with him calling me names and hurling abuse atme!
Surely when we got together he was taking responsibility for all the kids...
As for maintenance my ex works but doesn't tell hmrc and all he pays is £35 a mnth

ognum

belinda729 wrote: »

He is impossible to talk to it usually ends up with him calling me names and hurling abuse atme!
Surely when we got together he was taking responsibility for all the kids...
As for maintenance my ex works but doesn't tell hmrc and all he pays is £35 a mnth

So, why do you stay with someone who is abusive? Is it because you believe he is your finance provider.

There is no 'surely when we got together he was taking responsibility for all of the kids' unless you TALKED about it before you got into the relationship.

Frankly, even though he sounds from your description a not very pleasant person, if I was him I would be very annoyed that you believe he is there as a cash provider.

You need to have a conversation with him about this, this is not the right atmosphere to bring up four children. If I was you I would not be worried about Christams presents I would be more concerned about their mental health observing your relationship.

You really have got life upside down, forget the gifts get away from an abusive relationship where you can even converse with you so called partner. You are clearly not partners and won't be until you have talked long and hard.

suki1964

belinda729 wrote: »

He is impossible to talk to it usually ends up with him calling me names and hurling abuse atme!
Surely when we got together he was taking responsibility for all the kids...
As for maintenance my ex works but doesn't tell hmrc and all he pays is £35 a mnth

And you are with him why exactly ?

fairy_lights

belinda729 wrote: »

He is impossible to talk to it usually ends up with him calling me names and hurling abuse atme!
Surely when we got together he was taking responsibility for all the kids...
As for maintenance my ex works but doesn't tell hmrc and all he pays is £35 a mnth

Sorry to be blunt, but why are you together? You seem to have incompatible beliefs about how to manage your finances and the role he should play within the family, and if you can't even talk about it without things getting nasty I don't see how you're going to reach a compromise?

onomatopoeia99

belinda729 wrote: »

Surely when we got together he was taking responsibility for all the kids...

No. Dating someone with children does not mean you take responsibility for them., even if dating the parent they spend most of their time with.

If your ex got a new girlfriend, would you think she had responsibility for the three children you had with him?

Malthusian

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Doesn't that depend on what the coin actually is and where he bought it from?

Well there's two possibilities. He may be an experienced numismatist and have bought a coin for £450 that can in fact be reliably sold for more than that. (There is not a restricted supply of collectible coins and their yield is nil, so there is no reason to think that a coin will go up in value unless you know exactly what you are doing.) Or he may have bought a coin from one of those firms that advertises on daytime TV in which case the coin will be worth considerably less than £450 if anything.

Based on a) the law of averages and b) the wording of the OP's posts I am making an educated guess that it is the latter. I am open to being corrected.

If he is buying collectable coins as an investment strategy then it sounds like an exceptionally poor one as he should be repaying his debt first. If he is buying them for pure enjoyment then it's a free country, but what I said about the kind of person who derives more enjoyment from looking at shiny things vs giving pleasure to their children stands.

belinda729

No I wouldn't think she was responsible for them as they live with me 95%of the time