Am I wrong !

jackandcoke

Malthusian wrote: »

No he hasn't. It's a collectable coin. In other words a piece of shiny tat. If he tried to sell he'd get considerably less than he'd paid for it. That's the best case scenario. If it was likely to appreciate the London Mint Office or whoever flogged it would have kept it for themselves.

The answer to the OP's question is no, but a present is a present. It's not an obligation. I wouldn't think very highly of someone who gains more pleasure from spending money on a likely-worthless piece of shiny tat than on buying Christmas presents for their children. But it's not my money and not my choice of partner.

Do you know what coin he has?

Lily-Rose_3

Malthusian wrote: »

No he hasn't. It's a collectable coin. In other words a piece of shiny tat. If he tried to sell he'd get considerably less than he'd paid for it. That's the best case scenario. If it was likely to appreciate the London Mint Office or whoever flogged it would have kept it for themselves.

The answer to the OP's question is no, but a present is a present. It's not an obligation. I wouldn't think very highly of someone who gains more pleasure from spending money on a likely-worthless piece of shiny tat than on buying Christmas presents for their children. But it's not my money and not my choice of partner.

Exactly! If the coin ever is worth much more than he paid for it, it will be in 100-150 years time, not in a few months when they will probably need the money to pay a bill!

Squandering money like this when you have a family is ludicrous, inconsiderate, childish behaviour.

Lily-Rose_3

Guest101 wrote: »

I think you're kicking off with him for spending some money on an item that is likely to retain (or increase) in value, when he is bringing in a sole income and supporting 3 children who are not biologically his.


I presume in addition to CB and CTC, you also get CMS payments.


As for your comment on 'keeping the family' - sure that seems reasonable, so are you saying that the children are at risk of malnutrition or neglect as a result of lack of financial support? It doesn't appear that way from here.


Really what you're saying is, "I wanted to do the Christmas shopping this month, but my partner, who is the sole earner supporting a family of 6, three of whom are not a direct relation, has decided to indulge in a hobby of his."


Given he's offered £150 now, and more at the end of the month - presumably the equivalent again - £75 - £100 each is a decent amount for gifts.

Wow. Just wow...... :eek:

paddy's_mum

Looking at some of your comments on your other threads, it's very clear that your partner fiercely resents your efforts at 'controlling' him and the comment that the coin money is his to do with as he wishes simply re-states that this is his truth.

If you also factor in that he has an alcohol/mental health problem, I'm not sure that you will ever achieve peace and happiness with this man unless he has a profound change of attitude.

How likely is that to happen, do you think, and how long will you feel able to keep going along an increasingly rocky path?

TBagpuss

belinda729 wrote: »

I am not working at the mo so your saying I should contribute the same as my partner who is working. The only money I get is tax credit which is not a lot and child benefit which goes on the kids....

I really sont understand your point surely he is working to keep us all as a family...we are not all separate units...should be not contribute to the other children that are not his...he took these on when we got together...we came as a package..he can't pick and choose which kids to buy for.

I think this comes back to a bigger issue of how each of you see your relationship and financial arrangmetns. It sesm as bit as though you see yourselves as a partnership where you should be sharing the money coming in and both agreeing on how this is spent, whereas he se,s to see it more as his money and that after paying the bills, what is left is his to spend as he likes.

Neither is necessarily right or wrong, but if you have diferent expectations and attitudes then you are likely to continue to have dispues over finacial issues.

Simialrly with regardto the older children - you and he need to be clear between yoursleves about how you view them, whether you both agree that they are family and will all be treated the same, regardless of biology, or whether hey are treated differently. I have to say that i am presonally on the same page as you here, that if they are part of your family and your household then they are all cgildreb iof the family, but I don't thinkthat you can impose that view point on his, you and he have to work out between yourselves what you both see as reasonable.

it might be sensible to consider whether having a joint account which you both pay your incomes (including CHB and Tax Credits, and any child maintenace) into, and from which household bills etc are paid.

You could work out your family budget and what the surplus of income over essential outgoings is, and agree that you each get a share of that for personal spending.

So for instance, if the surplus after normal expenses each month is £100, you might agree that you each get £50 a monthh into your personal accoutns to spend as you like, or you might agree that it was reasonable for ypou to have £45, your partner to have £55, or vice versa.

you'd need to agree on whaich things were coming out of the joint account but I'd suggest that this include things such as clothes and shoes for the children, school meals etc as well as the household bills, grocery shopping etc. You could budget to have a set ampount each motnh go into joint savings so that that money could then be used for things such as holiays, christmas etc.

but the key thing is for the two of you to sit down and discuss how you manage your finanaces.

And if you decide that you are going to keep them wholly separate then you would ned to decide whether you were happy with that.

suki1964

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Exactly! If the coin ever is worth much more than he paid for it, it will be in 100-150 years time, not in a few months when they will probably need the money to pay a bill!

Squandering money like this when you have a family is ludicrous, inconsiderate, childish behaviour.

Oh I dunno. My husbands hobby is toy cars ( sigh). He often spends more then £450 on one. He might keep a car a month or two, then sell on for quite a hefty profit

I don't like his hobby, but hey, it's his money, he's earned it, he can spend it how he likes


Also I don't see the op was saying the food and bills weren't being paid, this was money she wanted over and above to buy Christmas presents

Guest101

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Wow. Just wow...... :eek:

Thanks for your constructive response

belinda729

We don't have a huge amount to spend at the end of thE month and tbhi i am surprised he has 450 to spend...my priority is the children and the house....he doesn't like me redecorating or keeping things looking nice he would rather spend money on himself....he has a vast amount of books coins and collectable stuff that t bought from before we were together and I have no issue with him buying things but when he is in so much debt and a need things for the house and christmas a coin is not a priority in my eyes

belinda729

He pays most of the household bills i pay for food and anything for the kids or housr...come the 5th of the mnth he usually has no money left

paddy's_mum

belinda729 wrote: »

when he is in so much debt

In that case, he has a really serious attitude problem and in your shoes, I would be taking steps to protect my own financial safety (like putting a bit of money in a safe place).