Am I wrong !

paddy's_mum

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

why hook up with a man that you say has control and alcohol issues???

I get told on a weekly basis that I am 'wise'. Possibly but that wisdom is damn hard won!

Far, far too many people (usually women, as the statistics show) get taken for a ride by a sweet talking man who they believe is telling the truth.

I've had my share of it and I was, by nature, on the cynical side.

You have only to look through these forums, from D for Death to I for Inheritance to V for Violence to see examples of spouses/partners changing their tune once their feet are safely under the table, gender irrespective.

If, and it's an enormous if we who have been caught had been at all aware before it was too late just what we were letting ourselves in for, there would be only 10 divorces a year!

It's a story as old as time!

maman

I don't know anything about collecting coins. As I posted, my DH collects antiquarian maps and if one he has his eye on comes up for sale at a good price then he can't put it off until next month. Maybe that explains why he wanted to put off the Christmas shopping?

Tiddlywinks

paddy's_mum wrote: »

It's a story as old as time!

As is the story of single mums looking for a sucker to take on the role of breadwinner.

System

I'd be more concerned that he had told lies in the first place. Once caught out in a lie, i would question everything else he said.

pebbles88

Op,

It may help to stop looking at the importance about Christmas being how much you spend on your family.

No one will suffer in any shape or form if they don't get the 'latest'
Thing/gadget yada yada.

rhianna99

I totally understand what you are saying op, I think your partner's behaviour is disgusting. You are a family unit, you are looking after the baby, this enables your partner to go to work and earn the money. Presumably if you were single you would be entitled to benefits to support yourselves with whilst you were out of work.

You are supposed to be a team, he is working and so are you, looking after the home and caring for your children.

Money should be put in a pot and all bills and expenses paid and with whatever is left a decision needs to be made together as to how it's spent.

Don't let people tell you that your contribution to the household is less than his simply because he is the one working.

Why don't you go back to work and send him a bill for half the childcare, I bet it would be more than £450 a month.

However, it does not seem like a good relationship and if I were you I would be taking steps to secure mine and my children's future, and yes get onto the CSA, because your ex needs to be contributing the correct amount.

You are obviously a great mother, putting all your children first, so don't let anyone put you down.

FBaby

You are a family unit, you are looking after the baby, this enables your partner to go to work and earn the money. Presumably if you were single you would be entitled to benefits to support yourselves with whilst you were out of work.

or of course OP could be working too and baby could go to a childminder or alternatively could work around her OH's hours.

It always me how many women consider that once they have a baby, their two choices are to be 100% dependent on their OH or on the benefit system.

rhianna99

FBaby wrote: »

or of course OP could be working too and baby could go to a childminder or alternatively could work around her OH's hours.

It always me how many women consider that once they have a baby, their two choices are to be 100% dependent on their OH or on the benefit system.

Which is why I suggest she go back to work and they both split the childcare cost. It is lovely to be able to stay at home and be able to care for baby, there's nothing wrong with that, but I suppose both parents have to agree that its viable and the working partner has to realise they cannot see their wage as simply their own.

Takeaway_Addict

I would love to hear the OH's view on this!

FBaby

rhianna99 wrote: »

Which is why I suggest she go back to work and they both split the childcare cost. It is lovely to be able to stay at home and be able to care for baby, there's nothing wrong with that, but I suppose both parents have to agree that its viable and the working partner has to realise they cannot see their wage as simply their own.

We do agree then! OP says that her OH doesn't want her to work. I'm quite surprise that that would be the case when all his spending is clearly being scutinised and OP wants more freedom with the household income. I would have thought that the opposite would apply, that he would be desperate for her to go to work, but will never know what has really been discussed to that regard.