Going solo

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

I think that applies to loads of other parents too. You've repeatedly said that you wish you had more time to spend with your children, so you don't offer the best environment you wish to offer either, was it unacceptably selfish for you to have your children? Other parents don't have as much money as they'd like to be able to give their child holidays and other experiences, some know that they can only have one child even though they'd prefer for them to have siblings, some know there is a risk they may pass on a health condition etc etc.

Who are any of us to decide what is an acceptable level of selfishness when it comes to who should have children and who shouldn't?

I really don’t get this ‘it applies to other parents so it is ok’. There is a difference between deciding to have children knowing you are given them the best opportunities to grow up to be well-adjusted chances and looking back when they are older and wishing you’ve done some things differently. Your reference to my situation is not relevant because this is about me, not about how it impacted on my children. They have told me many times that they never felt deprived of attention and indeed, they are totally stable emotionally. It’s looking back that I wish I could have had more time to enjoy seeing them growing up.

I do agree that the decision is never black of white though, it’s balancing your broodiness against trying to give the best to your future children, and then balancing this against time. Frankly, if I got into my late 30s not being a mum, I might very well have been in OP’s situation considering doing it on my own, so I am certainly not berating OP for considering it. I just think that she still has plenty of time by wish she can try to give her child(ren) a father, or maybe finding that she can be happy by other means.

jackieblack

Why is everyone assuming that if OP chooses to have a child that she's going to be alone for the rest of her life? :huh:
It's perfectly possible that she could meet someone to share her life with in the future (and many people will say that it's when you stop looking that someone will come along) and that person could happily become 'dad' to her child.

Most blokes can father a child, but many children (and adults) have a Dad who loves them, and who they love, who is not biologically related to them

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

I really don’t get this ‘it applies to other parents so it is ok’.

Its more that it applies to all parents, so its ok. All parents have children because they want to have them, none can offer a perfect childhood with no compromises or sacrifices.

kirtsypoos

jackieblack wrote: »

Why is everyone assuming that if OP chooses to have a child that she's going to be alone for the rest of her life? :huh:
It's perfectly possible that she could meet someone to share her life with in the future (and many people will say that it's when you stop looking that someone will come along) and that person could happily become 'dad' to her child.

Most blokes can father a child, but many children (and adults) have a Dad who loves them, and who they love, who is not biologically related to them

This sums it all up for me.

My mum was married when she had me, to someone who is a complete deadbeat Dad. When she realised what a bad role model he was turning into, she left. Not long after she met the most incredible man who took me on as his own (even when bio father decided I was too much hassle) and has never treated me any differently to my sister (bio child).

OP could meet a selfless man like this who will take a child on without a second thought, being a good role model and helping to provide for the child.

OP, I say go for it. You never know what the future holds but if you meet someone and it's too late, there's no going back. T

fairy_lights

melanzana wrote: »

Have a child for the right reasons always. Not just for you.

What are the 'right reasons' for having a child though? Surely the only reason anyone ever has for having a kid is because they want one?

Soundgirlrocks

kirtsypoos wrote: »

OP, I say go for it. You never know what the future holds but if you meet someone and it's too late, there's no going back. T

Thank you this is where my head is at, for me I think its too big a thing to wait and miss a chance at motherhood so if the the right man hasn't come along at the the right time then I'm going to have do it alone. The right man (for me) isn't someone who would have a issue with that.

chelseablue

OP, I say go for it too

WIN79

Hi, most definitely go for it!

I am in a similar position, although in a relationship with a man who isn't quite ready for children. I am 38 next year and i have set myself a time frame of how long I am prepared to wait (BF is aware i wont be hanging around indefinitely waiting for him to be "ready") to have children. I'm waffling, but what i am trying to say, fertility is never guaranteed but will you always wonder what if? If your answer is yes, then I would most certainly consider a sperm donor. This will be something I would definitely embark on should my relationship not progress.

Have you looked any further into it? Websites etc?

Soundgirlrocks

WIN79 wrote: »

Have you looked any further into it? Websites etc?

I guess this is me starting to look into it. Ive had a brief google and a few articles and clinics have come up. I think in part I want to know I have a back up plan sorted so I'm not putting pressure on any new relationships before they even get off the ground

Lunar_Eclipse

I haven't had AI, but do have children. I have no issue with your idea and overall think life is short, so do whatever you can to be happy.

However, be as sure as you possibly can be. Go ahead if you really desperately want a child beyond anything else. Because it could be a million times harder than you can possibly imagine. There is no way I'd choose to be a single parent personally, and I say that as a happily married mother to two easy going lovely teenage girls who couldn't have had it much easier in the big scheme of things.

My cousin is a single parent by choice. Like most parents she adores her son and wouldn't be without him, but if she could turn back the clock, I'm not sure she'd make the same decision again. Life is just tough, even for the fortunate.