Engaged without proposing.

Sam_Fallow

Getting married soon = 3 out 3 people happy.

Getting married later = 1 out of 3 people happy.

or

Getting married later = no wedding = nobody happy = single.

ruthber

You could just play her this song:

Kocham Cię kochanie moje - Maanam, it should melt her heart

Good luck!
.

CRANKY40

If you really want to marry her...the ring proposal has bitten the dust so think outside the box and propose with something else. Write her a promise maybe, saying that you love her and want to marry her.....add some special things, give her a haribo ring....whatever but make it memorable and different. It's what you say to her that counts, not the ring she is already wearing. Tell her how you feel about spending the rest of your life with her.

Loz01

You shouldn't have to get married just because of her Dad - On the other hand I can see why he would want her to get married whilst he's still around to see it. She probably told him you'd proposed to make him happy, especially if the poor bloke is that unwell.

gettingtheresometime

In addition whilst you are thinking months she is thinking of weeks because not only does she want her dad there, she wants him well enough to enjoy the day.

Whilst I suspect females spend the time on planning the wedding day (and let's not forget that whilst a wedding day dies not make a marriage, many women grow up in the anticipation of planning their ideal wedding day) men perhaps think more about the proposal. And you've both not had that 'moment'.

gettingtheresometime

CRANKY40 wrote: »

If you really want to marry her...the ring proposal has bitten the dust so think outside the box and propose with something else. Write her a promise maybe, saying that you love her and want to marry her.....add some special things, give her a haribo ring....whatever but make it memorable and different. It's what you say to her that counts, not the ring she is already wearing. Tell her how you feel about spending the rest of your life with her.

Being a Grey's Anatomy fan I remember when McDreamy & Meredith wrote their promises on a post-it note and then got it framed

paddy's_mum

Bricked wrote: »

She stormed out and went home
We've argued a lot up until now where it has reached boiling point. She is sleeping in a different room and is just telling me to marry her for her dads sake and to then divorce her afterwards. I did swear at her and told her to stop being a childish little !!!!!. She has stopped talking to me since that happened.

I get, completely, how this has come about BUT is her conduct since you balked her that of an intelligent, caring person?

Normally, I scoff at thread ressponders who suggest gender bias but in this case, what would have been the responses if it was the man who was laying on the pressure to get married? Entrapment, bullying, potential domestic violence ie do what the hell I told you?

It seems to me that the weight of this is far too much towards woman and her dad and too little towards the OP. Dad should not have more importance than the OP, in my view, but that's what seems to be happening here.

OP - if you do marry and in the future have a real problem, are you going to be facing the cold shoulder/silent/bullying treatment again?

Person_one

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I get, completely, how this has come about BUT is her conduct since you balked her that of an intelligent, caring person?

Normally, I scoff at thread ressponders who suggest gender bias but in this case, what would have been the responses if it was the man who was laying on the pressure to get married? Entrapment, bullying, potential domestic violence ie do what the hell I told you?

It seems to me that the weight of this is far too much towards woman and her dad and too little towards the OP. Dad should not have more importance than the OP, in my view, but that's what seems to be happening here.

OP - if you do marry and in the future have a real problem, are you going to be facing the cold shoulder/silent/bullying treatment again?

Hold on a minute, did you miss where he "did swear at her and told her to stop being a childish little !!!!!"?

That sounds like a heated row to me not domestic violence! She sounds distraught and desperate, not bullying!

I actually think that if a woman posted saying that her boyfriend of 5 years who she loved and wanted to marry anyway wanted to have a wedding asap so his dying parent could be there but she was refusing because it meant she wouldn't get the dream day she wants, the replies would be far far less sympathetic than they have been to this OP!

-taff

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I BUT is her conduct since you balked her that of an intelligent, caring person?

Absolutely. Caring intelligent people don't get overwrought about their last parent dying, they're perfectly reasonable and understanding.....they don't try and make their last parent happy by marrying someone sooner than they were going to marry anyway, they totally step back and say, sorry dad, my live-in lovers proposal intentions are far more important.

duchy

So you've lived with her for five years , the two of you at some point agreed you would be marrying. So ou are engaged to marry , the fancy proposal is like the difference between a wedding ceremony and a wedding ......the first is what matters the rest is fluff and trying to impress people.

If you marry in weeks rather than months what will you lose from the day . You'll still be married but you won't have the fluff. There's also the possibility your girl won't have her Dad there.

I think you sound very shallow and selfish TBH. The end result will be the same, you'll be married (and after five years together a long engagement seems really silly , you either know or you don't by now)

Love isn't about big gestures it's about wanting your partner to be happy. Her Dad is dying and you are fussing about not having made a show off proposal and not having enough time to save for a show off wedding . Your priorities are just plain messed up ........or you don't really want to marry her and are making excuses.