Would you marry again if you were widowed?

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

:rotfl:

Duchy, this is a man who still drives, volunteers, sits on charity boards and plays competitive sport!

I can't count the number of times I've offered to show him how to use a mobile phone and computer, his response is that he shouldn't have to.

It was a good attempt at a guilt trip, but unsuccessful I'm afraid.

It isn't about guilt ......it's about social change. Nothing to do with good health , families just were more extended and inclusive. Families don't tend to all live in the same town all their lives anymore ....and the elderly are more likely to be considered a nuisance. If you feel guilty that's up to you but maybe you're just "modern".

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

No it isn't always the case but in cases like Alzheimer's where the person has "gone" years before it'd be a very difference experience to yours. There's so many variables.

Goodness yes - where the person had gone but the caring remains could be totally different.

SailorSam

Primrose wrote: »

There are still some men around, especially older ones, who are hopeless at living on their own. Don't know how to use a washing machine, sew on a button or even cook themselves the most basic of meals. I don't think it's always a case of being lonely. Many of them desperately need a housekeeper. .

I've got a mate, he was still living at home with his Mum when she suddenly died. He was in his 20s and had never done a thing in the house, i'm not sure that he knew how to make a cup of tea. Within a couple of months he'd met and moved in with a woman over 10yrs older, not a bit his usual type. We all said at the time he was looking for a replacement Mum to look after him and it wouldn't last. But surprise surprise 40yrs later they're still together, and he still hasn't a clue how to look after himself, and she's not well and she's in hospital so we're all talking again about, if anything happens to her, he's going to need a new Mum.

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

He'd just keep turning up at his family's doorsteps, I reckon. Even when they were younger and he was still working he was hopeless if left alone for a few hours like a dog with separation anxiety. I love him but he's had way too much pampering! He could learn, he's perfectly capable, but he almost certainly won't!

Time for some tough love then. People need to stop enabling such behaviour, even if he is 80.

onlyroz

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Goodness yes - where the person had gone but the caring remains could be totally different.

I've been watching Greys Anatomy on NowTv (up to season 9). In that series there is a character whose wife develops early-onset Alzheimers and no longer recognises her husband. She starts a relationship with another man while in the care home, and her husband reluctantly stops visiting her because the visits upset her. He does start a new relationship before his wife dies, and I really can't see that he did anything wrong.

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

Time for some tough love then. People need to stop enabling such behaviour, even if he is 80.

Only his wife enables it, and its not really up to us to tell her what to do. She's pretty formidable if you're not married to her!

sooty&sweep

I don't know.

I love my husband & I don't want to contemplate anything happening to him but if it did & I met someone else .....

From the other side I suffered a significant illness a few years ago & if I'd passed on then I wouldn't want him to feel he couldn't carry on with his life even if that included being with someone else.
I don't think that takes away from our love for each other & I think you can love more than one person.

Jen xxx

pollyanna24

I found a lot of the answers depressing.:(

I thought I had found my soulmate, but then he left me 5 years ago with a 2year old and a 2month old after being together 11 years.

I've been too busy bringing them up single handed to really thing about dating, but the "dabbles" I have had haven't been very successful.

What a lot of people have said just makes me think it is less and less likely for me to find something as I get older (I'm 35 now), but on the one hand, whilst I would like to find someone, on the other, I am finally coming out the other side and enjoying my "me time."

I wouldn't like to think I'm replacing someone if I did meet a widower, but then I suppose the older you get, there is more likely to be some sort of "baggage" to a relationship.

ciderwithrosie_2

Well, I might feel like dating after a while, but I definitely wouldn't get married again (once is enough).

itsanne

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I found a lot of the answers depressing.:(

I thought I had found my soulmate, but then he left me 5 years ago with a 2year old and a 2month old after being together 11 years.

I've been too busy bringing them up single handed to really thing about dating, but the "dabbles" I have had haven't been very successful.

What a lot of people have said just makes me think it is less and less likely for me to find something as I get older (I'm 35 now), but on the one hand, whilst I would like to find someone, on the other, I am finally coming out the other side and enjoying my "me time."

I wouldn't like to think I'm replacing someone if I did meet a widower, but then I suppose the older you get, there is more likely to be some sort of "baggage" to a relationship.

The answers needn't be depressing. People posting they wouldn't remarry are doing so because they feel what they have / have had is so special that nothing else could match it. That's a very positive comment on marriage. Actually experiencing the death of our partner is something most of us haven't had to do and it's not surprising that most people still in a happy marriage can't envisage the horror of their spouse dying and then being able to move on.

Regardless of the consensus in this thread, many people do marry or have significant relationships again. I've known several who have done so after being widowed at a relatively early age. None of them would remotely describe their later partner as a replacement - nor would they imply that their first marriage had become any less important to them because of the second. Being a second wife after the first one had died wouldn't make you a replacement either - it would be a completely new relationship. Perhaps life experiences rather than all the connotations of 'baggage' is the way to think of it if you fall for a widower!