Would you marry again if you were widowed?

itsanne

I took the :eek: to be the kids' reactions rather than pineapple's.

itsanne

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I know if (heaven forbid) my husband died, I would never, ever, marry again. His boots would be too big to fill. Anyone else would be second best and I don't want second best. NO-one else could ever take my husband's place.

How do others feel about this? Maybe others have been there? Can you love, as much, again? Do you love differently?

Or do you feel like me and would not want another in his place?

Marrying again and another relationship are two different questions.

Even if nothing else did, the legal aspects of marrrying again would deter me. In Scotland, a will does not ensure that everything can be left to children as a spouse is entitled to a third of 'moveable property', and like many others I would want what I left to go to my children. However, I may have felt differently if I had been widowed at a younger age, when there would have been the likelihood of at least part of my estate being the result of the second marriage.

As far as another relationship is concerned, I don't think it's really possible to know for sure without being in the situation. Having been happily married since I was twenty, over forty years ago :eek:, I can't imagine even considering a relationship with anyone other than OH. However, turning the question around, if I were to die first I would hope that OH would be able to make a new relationship with someone else. I think it would be good for him (though he's not so convinced).

I don't believe that there is only one person out there for each of us. If OH and I had never met, even though it's hard to imagine it, although the relationships would have been different it's likely that we would have both been happy with other people. Nor do I think that love is finite. Just as having an additional child doesn't mean the previous one is loved less, if OH were able to love someone else after I died it wouldn't mean he loves me less now.

From that perspective, although I can't imagine contemplating another relationship if OH dies first, I don't think my gut feeling that it wouldn't be possible is necessarily the best way of answering the question.

barbarawright

pineapple wrote: »

The most extreme case I came across of 'speedy replacement' was a man I met on a dating site. His wife was teminally ill with cancer and he was sorting out the replacement in advance.:(
But also a friend of mine was in hospital having a pacemaker fitted when her husband rung me up and propositioned me! :mad:. (We single women eh? How can we not be always 'up for it?' :rotfl:).
She died not long after and the very next Christmas (around 6 months later) - I noticed the card was signed by him and a new woman with no mention of the kids - who had been living at home. I later found out that he had moved her in a few months after the death of his wife and the kids had left in disgust.

If the kids were old enough to leave home, surely they were old enough to realise their father might be lonely and looking for companionship. Not that he necessarily had forgotten their mother.

Primrose

There are still some men around, especially older ones, who are hopeless at living on their own. Don't know how to use a washing machine, sew on a button or even cook themselves the most basic of meals. I don't think it's always a case of being lonely. Many of them desperately need a housekeeper. At least i know my OH would be able to look after himself well if anything happened to me.

missbiggles1

barbarawright wrote: »

My stepmother has been married four times. Once for 30-odd years and three times to men who had also been widowed for companionship. Each marriage seems to have been pretty happy but with different expectations. You have to remember that your new partner will also come into the relationship with history and may not regard you as the great love of his/her life but that doesn't mean it won't be happy. Some people just aren't made to live alone

Then I definitely wouldn't bother!

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Then I definitely wouldn't bother!

That's WHY I wouldn't bother. I'm living with the love of my life. Don't want anything less.

It's our 45th wedding anniversary today. We are at our static caravan holiday home in North Wales. We have been to Borth-y-Gest for morning coffee, Barmouth for lunch and are having dinner in the hotel on the site.

barbarawright

Interesting that pretty well everyone on this thread has said they wouldn't remarry. Yet widows and widowers *do* remarry every day. I wonder what they would have said when their first partner was still alive

missbiggles1

barbarawright wrote: »

Interesting that pretty well everyone on this thread has said they wouldn't remarry. Yet widows and widowers *do* remarry every day. I wonder what they would have said when their first partner was still alive

I have a feeling that the age of the widow(er) would be important in the decision and that there are more people in their 60s posting on here.

duchy

I do think nursing a spouse through a long illness can be very lonely and isolating. It seems widows and widowers in that situation seem to marry quicker than those who lose a spouse unexpectedly. I suppose that's not really surprising.

duchy

Primrose wrote: »

There are still some men around, especially older ones, who are hopeless at living on their own. Don't know how to use a washing machine, sew on a button or even cook themselves the most basic of meals. I don't think it's always a case of being lonely. Many of them desperately need a housekeeper. At least i know my OH would be able to look after himself well if anything happened to me.

Gosh good thing my OH is far more domesticated than me then or I might have found your post really upsetting.