Would you marry again if you were widowed?

duchy

I have a friend who had some pretty unrealistic ideas about the man she wanted to marry. He had to be a graduate, have a high earning job, be a particular religion, not be divorced or widowed, not already have children and on and on. When she was in her early twenties this was not unreasonable, if a little high maintainance however she's now in her fifties and the list has really not changed (she'd consider a divorcee or widower as of very recently but only if he wasn't too invested in his adult children) ,for me the fact my partner cares for his adult children and grandchildren is one of the things I love about him as it shows he's a caring man .

Life experience or baggage seems to be two views of the same thing to me.

I feel sorry for my friend, she'd love to be married but it's never going to happen with her mindset , yet she's got so much to offer, she's pretty, bubbly, kind just has this completely unrealistic view of marriage and relationships.

catkins

duchy wrote: »

I have a friend who had some pretty unrealistic ideas about the man she wanted to marry. He had to be a graduate, have a high earning job, be a particular religion, not be divorced or widowed, not already have children and on and on. When she was in her early twenties this was not unreasonable, if a little high maintainance however she's now in her fifties and the list has really not changed (she'd consider a divorcee or widower as of very recently but only if he wasn't too invested in his adult children) ,for me the fact my partner cares for his adult children and grandchildren is one of the things I love about him as it shows he's a caring man .

Life experience or baggage seems to be two views of the same thing to me.

I feel sorry for my friend, she'd love to be married but it's never going to happen with her mindset , yet she's got so much to offer, she's pretty, bubbly, kind just has this completely unrealistic view of marriage and relationships.

I must admit I never wanted to marry anyone that had been divorced or widowed or had children. If I were likely to remarry (I am not) I don't think I would particularly want anyone with grandchildren

duchy

Yes but she spends a lot of time talking about how she'd like to be married. I do think if you've lived alone after a certain age sharing or compromising is often harder or something people aren't prepared to do though.

georgie262

My Grandad was the love of my nans life for a long time (he left her he didn't die but in the 60's this was a big deal) she married again and they had a good marriage for 30 years before he died in the late 90's. He was always second best to her. However my nan then went on to marry the real love of her life at 76! They adored each other and were perfect for each other, sadly, he too, died last year my nan will never get over it but they had a wonderful 12 years together.

itsanne

duchy wrote: »

Life experience or baggage seems to be two views of the same thing to me.

That's the point I was making. Thinking of something as life experience does not have the same negative connotations as viewing it as baggage. Life experiences can be positive, neutral or negative. As you yourself have pointed out, a previous happy marriage isn't something negative and doesn't preclude another relationship or marriage being equally, if differently, happy.

jackboy1

We've been together since we were both 18 and celebrated 30 years unwed this March. We had this conversation last week while on walking on the beach on holiday with our two dogs and I said that no-one could ever match up to him. He winds me up moaning, not seeing things that need clearing round the house, all the usual little annoyances but I could never find anyone good enough. Told him I'd rather have more dogs than another man.

ska_lover

It is an impossible question to answer honestly - as the thought of loosing a partner is unbearable. However reading Beverleys post really shed some light for me, and who knows what could happen. Glad to see Beverley has found happiness

Robisere

This morning on FB I had a great to-and-fro conversation with the wife of an old mate. She was travelling around some exotic places in the Med with her dd and posting pic's. In fun, I scolded her for leaving hubby behind and in fun she posted back, someone has to do the housework.

I was telling my wife this, to which she responded "And what would you do if I left to go gallivanting around the world? Would you do the housework?"

I thought for about a nanosecond: "I would do it of course. Not as well as you my love, but I'm not helpless you know!"

"Oh really, well perhaps you should get some practice in now, ready for when I get on the plane!"

Another naosecond of deep thought: "Nah - just let me know when you're going!"

End of.

yonn

No chance, once is enough

Peter333

catkins wrote: »

I must admit I never wanted to marry anyone that had been divorced or widowed or had children. If I were likely to remarry (I am not) I don't think I would particularly want anyone with grandchildren

That's fair enough, but I think you will be seriously restricting your choices. Most people (over 40,) have children or grandchildren...