Would you marry again if you were widowed?

margaretclare

Primrose wrote: »

There are still some men around, especially older ones, who are hopeless at living on their own. Don't know how to use a washing machine, sew on a button or even cook themselves the most basic of meals. I don't think it's always a case of being lonely. Many of them desperately need a housekeeper.

That is a damned insult. Although I did meet a guy just like that some years ago. I can recall his conversation almost word for word. We met in a pub. He hadn't invited me for lunch because 'I have my meal later'. He said he'd been married for 35 years and in that time he'd never so much as made a cup of tea. His wife had died 5 years ago and he'd had to learn to cook. He looked at me hopefully. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even sit down. He didn't offer to buy me a drink and I was out of there so fast you wouldn't believe.

Yes, I married again, was widowed in 1992, got together with DH in 1997 - he was running for his life from a disastrous marriage - we married in 2002 and we couldn't be happier. Life sometimes hands us a second chance.

barbarawright

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I have a feeling that the age of the widow(er) would be important in the decision and that there are more people in their 60s posting on here.

Indeed. Would people really expect someone bereaved in their 20s to remain single for the next 60 years?

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

I do think nursing a spouse through a long illness can be very lonely and isolating. It seems widows and widowers in that situation seem to marry quicker than those who lose a spouse unexpectedly. I suppose that's not really surprising.

Whilst I appreciate what you're saying, that isn't necessarily the case.

We were in that situation for the last 8 years s of our marriage and spending virtually every minute of our lives together brought us a special closeness that it would be impossible to replace - in many ways the best years of our marriage.

For me, it would make me less likely to remarry rather than more.

Robisere

A good question OP, but you are aware that Coronation Street is not actually real life, are you not?
I have not read all of this, but I would not even consider marrying again. It has nothing to do with my age (71) and I am quite able to cook, clean, wash and look after a home. I have done all of that many years ago when caring for my parents after my first relationship blew up. I was also in the Army for 12 years.

No, it's all about my lovely wife and our solid life together. She saved my life: I was single again, living with and caring for my parents, going out with a mate who was in the same position every night and drinking too much. I had another relationship with someone who drove me mad and obviously wanted a meal ticket for herself and two boys. Then I met my missus and I fell for her. Gradually we drew together and I began taking care of myself again. After almost 30 years together, I have a family, as she had a ds and dd who have called me dad for many years. I also have 4 lovely grandkids and I occasionally marvel at the good life that I have had since I met her. My wife is the most loving, caring person and my soulmate, my best friend, and I know there could be no one else like her for me. Losing her would tear me apart.

Two days ago we lost a very close mate and neighbour and his wife is completely distraught, as we live in a small Sheltered Housing complex of bungalows this happens far too often. Today we spoke with her for a long session and tried to comfort her, but there is not much you can do for someone who has been with an OH for over 50 years. That is what we are talking about here after all: losing the one person in your life who is in effect, the other half of you.

That's real life and no one ever wrote a script like it.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

Gosh good thing my OH is far more domesticated than me then or I might have found your post really upsetting.

Its a bit harsh, but my grandmother has always said that if she dies first we will have to get my grandfather married off again pretty quickly, otherwise he'll live off cheese toasties and bananas, wear the same clothes for a fortnight and call one of his younger relatives every time he wants to use a machine more complicated than the Breville!

He is in his eighties, I think most younger men could probably manage a bit better.

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

He is in his eighties, I think most younger men could probably manage a bit better.

People learn if and when they have to if the alternative is starving and living in filth. My father-in-law had to learn to cook and clean when my mother-in-law became incapable of doing so.

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

People learn if and when they have to if the alternative is starving and living in filth. My father-in-law had to learn to cook and clean when my mother-in-law became incapable of doing so.

He'd just keep turning up at his family's doorsteps, I reckon. Even when they were younger and he was still working he was hopeless if left alone for a few hours like a dog with separation anxiety. I love him but he's had way too much pampering! He could learn, he's perfectly capable, but he almost certainly won't!

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

Its a bit harsh, but my grandmother has always said that if she dies first we will have to get my grandfather married off again pretty quickly, otherwise he'll live off cheese toasties and bananas, wear the same clothes for a fortnight and call one of his younger relatives every time he wants to use a machine more complicated than the Breville!

He is in his eighties, I think most younger men could probably manage a bit better.

I guess if there's no family prepared to take care of him she has a point. That's really sad. There was a time when in those circumstances it'd be automatic the remaining grandparent went to live with family.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

I guess if there's no family prepared to take care of him she has a point. That's really sad.

:rotfl:

Duchy, this is a man who still drives, volunteers, sits on charity boards and plays competitive sport!

I can't count the number of times I've offered to show him how to use a mobile phone and computer, his response is that he shouldn't have to.

It was a good attempt at a guilt trip, but unsuccessful I'm afraid.

duchy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Whilst I appreciate what you're saying, that isn't necessarily the case.

We were in that situation for the last 8 years s of our marriage and spending virtually every minute of our lives together brought us a special closeness that it would be impossible to replace - in many ways the best years of our marriage.

For me, it would make me less likely to remarry rather than more.

No it isn't always the case but in cases like Alzheimer's where the person has "gone" years before it'd be a very difference experience to yours. There's so many variables.