Would you marry again if you were widowed?

paddy's_mum

amersall wrote: »

if he moves her in our house and marries again, he should make a will and leave the house to our Daughter and Son, no one is "sharing" what I put into it or I will come back and haunt him that is my only fear really, irrational as it sounds .

You might be well advised to get some legal advice on this, rather than relying on someone else's goodwill.

Your husband may be a decent, honourable man but if he married again, the new wife might not be putting your children at the top of her list of priorities.

It is very easy to hold your property in a way that means if you popped your clogs next week, your children become the heirs by virtue of the law. Relying on your husband to make a will at some time in the future is not likely to give you much peace of mind whereas making your own will now may very well take away your anxiety.

I've seen too many cases where second spouses walk off with the lot because people put off making a will until it's too late. A quick read of the Death and Funerals section of this very forum will show you what unhappiness, anger and regret that omission can cause.

Alternatively, I have a Ouija board I can let you have for a couple of quid if that will help in the haunting ..... :rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

We have our property as tenants-in common, and have made wills so that whoever goes first, our son inherits their half of the bungalow. Then he gets the other half on the second death.

Even if the remaining partner has a brainstorm, and wants to leave all their worldly goods to a cat's home, they cannot take our son's half away.

arbroath_lass

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

How do others feel about this? Maybe others have been there? Can you love, as much, again? Do you love differently?

Or do you feel like me and would not want another in his place?

Discussion welcomed.

I wouldn't marry again, no, I just couldn't be bothered with the palaver! I wouldn't be against having another partner, just not marrying.


I think love is different with each person, you can love as much again but it's not replacing someone. I've never believed in "the one" - that seems the sure-fire route to extinction! There are lots of people we are compatible with.

pineapple

I suspect I'll get shot down for this but I've lived a long while and my admittedly subjective observation is that GENERALLY speaking, men tend to move on quicker than women. In fact I've known partners replaced with almost indecent haste.
I do believe that women in particular - especially after they have been single several years - are less likely to cohabit again. In my case this isn't anything to do with loyalty to past loves. In some respects I would quite like someone in my life - but live under the same roof? Nahh - I'm a lost cause - too used to doing things in my own time and my own way.

Peter333

iris wrote: »

My husband died 3 weeks ago and his funeral was Tuesday. We had been together 56 years and would have been married for 53 years next week. He was my soulmate and I loved him so much, there are not words to express how I am feeling at the moment. I am finding being without him very hard. He is everywhere in our bungalow.

I just couldn't imagine anyone else in my life, although before my husband's death he said that if the right person came along, that I should consider remarrying. He wanted me to be happy.

Awwwwww, bless your cotton socks Iris. Sounds like you had a wonderful life with your husband. R.I.P. :A

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I wouldn't marry again, no, I just couldn't be bothered with the palaver! I wouldn't be against having another partner, just not marrying.

I think love is different with each person, you can love as much again but it's not replacing someone. I've never believed in "the one" - that seems the sure-fire route to extinction! There are lots of people we are compatible with.

Palaver? Why? Palaver means 'prolonged and tedious fuss,' 'rigmarole,' 'bother...' Why doyou class marriage as being a 'palaver?' :huh:

Just curious.

Peter333

pineapple wrote: »

I suspect I'll get shot down for this but I've lived a long while and my admittedly subjective observation is that GENERALLY speaking, men tend to move on quicker than women. In fact I've known partners replaced with almost indecent haste.
I do believe that women in particular - especially after they have been single several years - are less likely to cohabit again. In my case this isn't anything to do with loyalty to past loves. In some respects I would quite like someone in my life - but live under the same roof? Nahh - I'm a lost cause - too used to doing things in my own time and my own way.

I won't shoot you down. I have seen this too. Especially in younger men (under 50.) Not so much older. Their marriage/long term relationship ends, and they have another woman before the couch is cold from the last one.

Maybe men find it harder to be alone because they are so used to the woman in their life doing everything for them. Whereas women did (almost) everything before anyway, so not a lot changes.

Some women have another man quickly yes, but men are more likely to replace their woman quickly, than women are to replace their man.

Lunar_Eclipse

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I know if (heaven forbid) my husband died, I would never, ever, marry again. His boots would be too big to fill. Anyone else would be second best and I don't want second best. NO-one else could ever take my husband's place.

With respect, you can't possibly know this.

I feel the same about my husband: we met young, have been together forever, he is the love of my life/soulmate and I'm fairly certain I would never marry again because I've done it once and once is enough.

BUT the future is uncertain so who's to know how I'll feel about anyone, years from now. I might think I'll never love again either and no-one would ever come close, but I'm not naive enough to never say never, though I certainly cant see myself making any effort. And just the thought of dating/kissing someone else/first time sex makes me incredibly anxious! But so many people do it ... (a bit like having a second child?!)

beverley1471

I was widowed at the age of 34, me and my late husband were together from when we were young and I was devistated when he died as we always did everything together, he was my best friend and everything to me. The only thing he would ever say when they told us he was terminally ill was to make sure I was happy.

Now four years later I have just moved in with my fiance of one year. I don't love him any less, he will never replace my late husband or even try to fill his shoes (insulting comment). It is an entirely new relationship with a new person. I believe I am lucky enough to have found two soul mates in my life. I will always love my late husband but love my new fiance as well. My new fiance is not worried at all about me being widowed I have a photo of my wedding day in the spare bedroom and a box of favourite keepsakes. I dont hoard any of his things, belongings mean nothing, my memories are the most important thing to me.

I no when first widowed the thought of a new relationship is just awful, but as time goes on and you get used to living with the pain, it never gets any less, thats a lie. I started to want to meet someone as I was so happy when married. I was lucky enough to meet someone new. Some decide never to meet anyone else. Neither choice is right or wrong.

seven-day-weekend

Glad you have found love again Beverley

arbroath_lass

Peter333 wrote: »

Awwwwww, bless your cotton socks Iris. Sounds like you had a wonderful life with your husband. R.I.P. :A



Palaver? Why? Palaver means 'prolonged and tedious fuss,' 'rigmarole,' 'bother...' Why doyou class marriage as being a 'palaver?' :huh:

Just curious.

Not marriage just getting married. I'd class even the simplest wedding as a palaver. It's just not for me. I've been happily married for 26 years.