Would you marry again if you were widowed?

Kynthia

I adore my husband as he's wonderful and I'm very lucky to have him. I would be devestated if something happened to him and would feel like my children had been robbed of the best father they could have. While it is hard to imagine while he's still here and we're happy, I would hope to find love again and I would hope the same for him. We're hopefully only half way through our lives which means there are still plenty of opportunities and experiences out there and who knows what might happen. Plus I'd like our children to have another parent to love them, even if it's a step parent, as long as they are right for our children too but that might not be an issue if they were grown by then.

I can imagine it would be difficult for a new partner as if a couple were happy and in love then the love for that person isn't gone, but they aren't here any more. So it's different from being a second partner after a divorce in some ways.

seven-day-weekend

amersall wrote: »

I have been married for 34 years and would not get married again, I could not get used to someone else and their "ways" as another poster said.

I told my Hubby, if I die before he does and he meets someone, that is fine I would want him to be happy, but... if he moves her in our house and marries again, he should make a will and leave the house to our Daughter and Son, no one is "sharing" what I put into it or I will come back and haunt him that is my only fear really, irrational as it sounds .

Totally agree.

AubreyMac

My first serious bf who I was with for 7 years and engaged to be married died in tragic circumstances when I was in my late 20s.

One of his last coherent words to me was that I must move on. Even before his passing, this was something we discussed.

Although he was fine with me moving on, it’s only now – 6 years on that I feel ready to think about dating again. It was never going to be fair to anyone to have dated until I worked on myself and make peace with my own demons around his death and the circumstances (which also brought up issues around my childhood too).

Because I spent the last 6 years concentrating on myself I am now feeling happier and as though I am actually living life. I have achieved so much in the past couple of years so now feel ready and more confident in sharing my life with someone (though I’m not keen on getting married).

When me and late bf discussed our deaths, I told him then that I would be hurt at the thought of him moving on and just forgetting about me, though given our young ages I expect he would move on as it’s unrealistic to expect a young person to stay celibate forever.

Though 6 years has passed, I anticipate there will still be some feelings of guilt and poignancy when I do go on my first date with someone. I do regret this happening at a time in my life where I was blooming into a woman, as I feel that most of my fertile years has been taken up. Ah well, whatever is meant to be will be.

TBagpuss

I think in some ways, a widow or widower remarrying is a huge compliment to their late spouse. It implies that marriage was a happy, positive state for them.

I also don't think that one can really say for certain what you would or wouldn't do until it actually happens. Of course it's unlikely that anyone will have the *same* relationship with a second spouse as with a first, but that doesn't mean to say that it isn't possible to have two different but happy relatinships.

I wouldn't expect to have the same type of relationship with someone at (say) 65 as at 25, and perhaps would not have the same intense/ romantic relationship, but I don't think that that would necessarily mean one should not remarry.

fewcloudy

Tammykitty wrote: »

If anything happened to me, I would want my husband to remarry - he deserves to be happy, and deserves to have a future.

Just to say that it is possible to be happy and have a future without being married...


fc

bossymoo

Alwayspurple wrote: »

Never say never. I was widowed when I was 34

Exactly, never say never.

I was widowed age 36 with two children under the age of 3. Nobody can replace their father - he's in my heart and mind every day - but with potentially 50 years to go in this mortal coil, I may some day want to be with another very special someone.

And if marriage feels right, then so be it. Considerations will need to be made as far as children and finances go, but if the relationship is worth it, those things can be easily sorted.

I know a lot of young widow(er)s through various support groups and some have remarried. Sometimes other widowed people, and sometimes not.

I have capacity in my heart to love again. When expecting my second child, I had doubts that I could love another as much, and yet I did. My love wasn't shared between my two children, it simply grew. Human nature thankfully doesn't follow the rules of physics!

Pixie5740

I know two widowers who remarried very soon after their wives died. One is a neighbour whose wife died on Hogmanay. An ex-gf of his showed up at the funeral, engaged by the end of January and the wedding was in August. The other is an old colleague whose wife died from cancer. Not long after the funeral he was dating some recent divorcee in the office and within a year they were married. Both men were relatively young (45 to 55) so perhaps that has something to do with it but they did seem to move on very quickly. Each to their own though.

I'm not sure what I'd do if Mr Pixie died. Never say never I guess but I don't think I'd be able to move on as quickly as either my old colleague or my neighbour.

BarryBlue

amersall wrote: »

I have been married for 34 years and would not get married again, I could not get used to someone else and their "ways" as another poster said.

I told my Hubby, if I die before he does and he meets someone, that is fine I would want him to be happy, but... if he moves her in our house and marries again, he should make a will and leave the house to our Daughter and Son, no one is "sharing" what I put into it or I will come back and haunt him that is my only fear really, irrational as it sounds .

This is actually a very common situation and something over which you can have no control. Say your husband did remarry after your death, that would invalidate his will anyway. If he died before making a new one, his new wife would inherit everything and your son and daughter wouldn't be entitled to a penny. Any family of hers would inherit on the new wife's subsequent death. It is called Sideways Disinheritance.

If he made a new will after remarrying, he can leave whatever he has to whoever he likes. Again, anything you had decreed would have no influence on it at all. A threat of haunting him is unlikely to make any difference....lol! You have no say at all once you are dead. The only way would be to put your wealth in a trust for your offspring.

bugslet

Pixie5740 wrote: »

I know two widowers who remarried very soon after their wives died. One is a neighbour whose wife died on Hogmanay. An ex-gf of his showed up at the funeral, engaged by the end of January and the wedding was in August. The other is an old colleague whose wife died from cancer. Not long after the funeral he was dating some recent divorcee in the office and within a year they were married. Both men were relatively young (45 to 55) so perhaps that has something to do with it but they did seem to move on very quickly. Each to their own though.

A friend of mine used to run a dating agency in pre-Internet times and interviewed the prospective clients. Had a chap come by and she asked him about his history and he said his wife had died and she asked when she had died. Two weeks ago came the reply. My friend suggested that maybe it was a little too quick, to which the chap asked when she thought might be a more appropriate time. She suggested 6 months. Lo and behold, 6 months to the day he turned up.

He did go on to marry again and pretty quickly!

SailorSam

fairy_lights wrote: »

I've told my OH that if he were to die I would never be able to love again, so I would have to marry for money instead.

When i met my wife it was love at second sight.
The first time i saw her, i didn't realise she had money in the bank.