Would you marry again if you were widowed?

pineapple

The most extreme case I came across of 'speedy replacement' was a man I met on a dating site. His wife was teminally ill with cancer and he was sorting out the replacement in advance.:(
But also a friend of mine was in hospital having a pacemaker fitted when her husband rung me up and propositioned me! :mad:. (We single women eh? How can we not be always 'up for it?' :rotfl:).
She died not long after and the very next Christmas (around 6 months later) - I noticed the card was signed by him and a new woman with no mention of the kids - who had been living at home. I later found out that he had moved her in a few months after the death of his wife and the kids had left in disgust.

onlyroz

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We have our property as tenants-in common, and have made wills so that whoever goes first, our son inherits their half of the bungalow. Then he gets the other half on the second death.

Even if the remaining partner has a brainstorm, and wants to leave all their worldly goods to a cat's home, they cannot take our son's half away.

How does this work if the surviving partner needs to go into a nursing home and the house has to be sold?

seven-day-weekend

onlyroz wrote: »

How does this work if the surviving partner needs to go into a nursing home and the house has to be sold?

Well they have half a house to sell don't they? I don't think it's possible to sell half a house and I don't see how they can do anything to make the other owner sell their half. We could self-fund for a while.

In the unlikely event of us both having to go into care while we both own the house, we could self-fund for a while and hopefully if the house was rented out the rent plus money from our own resources would be enough to avoid the sale.

We didn't have it as tenants-in-common to avoid fees, particularly, just to try and ensure that our son does inherit it.

Tenants in Common

If you co-own a property as tenants in common, each co-owner owns a specific share of the property. This is typically a 50% share each, however it is possible to hold unequal shares.

As you each own a separate share in the property you are all entitled to leave your individual share to your chosen beneficiaries in your Will. If you do not have a Will when you die, your share will pass to your nearest living blood relatives according to the Rules of Intestacy (law).

A tenancy in common agreement is ideal for people who wish to own property jointly with their partner but wish to leave their share of the property to someone else when they die. It is also appropriate for people who have children from a previous marriage as they can guarantee that their children will benefit from their estate when they die, provided they have written a Will.

People worried about the cost of care home fees can also benefit from this type of ownership as by owning property as tenants in common, should you require full time care in the future, you will only be means tested on your share of the property,
https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/conveyancing-services/joint-tenancy-tenancy-in-common/

michelle09

I'm not sure you could know until you are in that situation. It's not surprising that people who are happily married can't imagine being with someone else if they lost their partner - I believe that if a marriage is successful you shouldn't really be thinking about marrying someone new!

For us - I don't know. One of things I love about my OH is that we are both very independent people. We love each other and life is better for us being together, but we don't need each other. So I suspect if something happened to one of us then the other could live quite happily (and we already have two lodgers so company isn't an issue!)

On the other hand, we are both still in our twenties, and that is very young to rule out the idea of a new relationship if one of us were to pass unexpectedly. If I died tomorrow then I would hope that if my OH found someone that made them happy they would embark on a new relationship. Would I? I don't know. I suspect I wouldn't go out looking but embrace it if something came along!

My Dad's stepfather was widowed twice - he lost my grandmother in his early fifties to cancer, remarried a few years later and lost her before he was sixty. He stopped dating after that, I suspect burying two wives was too much.

catkins

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

With respect, you can't possibly know this.

I feel the same about my husband: we met young, have been together forever, he is the love of my life/soulmate and I'm fairly certain I would never marry again because I've done it once and once is enough.

BUT the future is uncertain so who's to know how I'll feel about anyone, years from now. I might think I'll never love again either and no-one would ever come close, but I'm not naive enough to never say never, though I certainly cant see myself making any effort. And just the thought of dating/kissing someone else/first time sex makes me incredibly anxious! But so many people do it ... (a bit like having a second child?!)

I think it is possible to know you would not marry again especially if you are an older person.

I know I wouldn't because of the way I feel about marriage - that it is for eternity. If our marriage was not happy we would not have divorced - separated yes but not divorced as both of us believe divorce is wrong.

I wouldn't rule out some sort of friendship but not much more than that. Sex is not possible for me anyway so I wouldn't have to worry about that and I doubt many, if any, men would be interested in a marriage with no sex

Top_Girl

I'd hope nobody would rule it out.

By definition, marriage is until death do us part and depending on when that happens, the rest of your life can be an awfully long time.

Top Bloke and I are living either over or under the brush at the moment, I can never remember which, but should we marry and one of us kick the bucket, I wouldn't want him to be alone forever (just a reasonable amount of mourning time ) and I don't think he would want me to either.

duchy

My partner were friends long before his partner of many years died. I was also very close to her.

Had he had his way we would have got together with "indecent haste" but I made it clear I had too much respect for her for that.

He loved her deeply but what we have is different, I don't believe he loves me any less but the dynamics of our relationship are not similar at all. I'm a very different character to her , if he had wanted to replace her with someone similar I'd be the last person he'd have chosen !

We are very happy and both our families are happy for us. Neither of us have or gotten her and we visit her grave together sometimes and will often talk about her and our happy memories of her.

I don't think you can know what will happen but I don't believe our future marriage will in any way change what they had together or in any way disrespects it. I make him happy and I think she'd like that rather than he was lonely and bitter.

barbarawright

My stepmother has been married four times. Once for 30-odd years and three times to men who had also been widowed for companionship. Each marriage seems to have been pretty happy but with different expectations. You have to remember that your new partner will also come into the relationship with history and may not regard you as the great love of his/her life but that doesn't mean it won't be happy. Some people just aren't made to live alone

pineapple

I was working in sheltered housing when a tenant in her 70s started dating someone. He was a widower whom she had known for years. She was insistent that there were no plans to marry or live together. However, his kids did find them in bed together :eek:
She told me 'At our age, you can't afford to hang around'. :beer:

duchy

Would you be shocked at two thirty year olds having sex without marriage ? If no why so :eek: at seventy year olds ? Old people like sex too.