I think we've reached the end of the road. What now?

piglet74

pushing40 wrote: »

It has crossed my mind, piglet.

I'm sorry if that's the case,

I was thinking of my own personal circumstances in a previous life! And there was a few similarities between them,

It wont be easy, but it will be better, I can promise you that,

I think you need some space from him, I would definitely consider separating, you will be able to think better, clearer, sleep better etc.

SuzieSue

pushing40 wrote: »

My original post asking where do I go to get advice about a divorce has turned into judge and jury of who's right/who's wrong in our relationship. Laughable, really.

But surely you want to know whether it is possible to save your marriage and part of that is finding out who is right or wrong (albeit by people who can only hear your side of things).

Unfortunately, there is usually no right or wrong. Some men and women don't want to do housework. I am one of those people so I understand your husband not wanting to do anything. Fortunately, my husband doesn't mind if I don't hoover etc every weekend and so I don't. It is easier for us as we we don't have kids so we can keep the place tidy.

It is much more difficult for you. Could you stop working or get a cleaner?

pushing40

Tbagpuss - my comment "However I've realised that I shouldn't ever nag about it nor feel any resentment" was sarcasm and a conclusion drawn my several responses on here. I don't actually think I was unreasonable to ask him for more help when it was GENUINELY needed. I also don't think it's unreasonable to feel resentment when he goes off to the gym, or to watch a game of rugby and have a cheeky beer in the pub afterwards whilst I'm at home splitting up arguments between my kids, or changing nappies, whilst preparing dinner, tidying up toys, vacuuming, hanging washing, putting it away, etc.


Thank you for your comment - there is some really good advice in there - so thanks again

Guest101

You BOTH need down time


50/50 doesn't mean, he does what you tell him when you tell him. It's perfectly reasonable that if you're not working on Wednesdays, that is your catch up day.


Now he takes half a day at the weekend, well then you do the same.


Perhaps I'm mistaken but you seem to suggest that the minute he comes home he should be doing half, whereas you've had a few hours to wind down from work - which you don't mention as particularly stressful.

pushing40

My work isn't as stressful as his, I admit. But raising three children is stressful! Very! Sometimes by the time he walks through the door, I want to walk out! (I don't and wouldn't - I was merely making the point that for how stressful his job is, so is raising children which, for me, is a 145 hours a week job. (Yes they do still wake in the night)


I do use Wednesdays to "catch up" but with three children and a husband it's only Thursday before the chores have "caught back up" with me!

pushing40

Skalover, forgive me. It was an unnecessary and unfair comment. It was just a response to what was starting to feel like a lot of "no wonder he wants a divorce from you" comments.


I'm sorry

ska_lover

pushing40 wrote: »

Skalover, forgive me. It was an unnecessary and unfair comment. It was just a response to what was starting to feel like a lot of "no wonder he wants a divorce from you" comments.


I'm sorry

awww forget it, I've just deleted it now cos I see you had too. You are under stress, I see that

pushing40

SuzieSue wrote: »

But surely you want to know whether it is possible to save your marriage and part of that is finding out who is right or wrong (albeit by people who can only hear your side of things).

Unfortunately, there is usually no right or wrong. Some men and women don't want to do housework. I am one of those people so I understand your husband not wanting to do anything. Fortunately, my husband doesn't mind if I don't hoover etc every weekend and so I don't. It is easier for us as we we don't have kids so we can keep the place tidy.

It is much more difficult for you. Could you stop working or get a cleaner?

Yes, Suziesue, you're right too. It was an unfair comment to make. Just feeling a bit defensive at the moment, that's all. Sorry. And thank you.


You too, Ska Lover.

ska_lover

We would all be snappy being under so much stress so is understandable. some days I even wake up snappy lol

Guest101

I think it goes back to having down time for you both.


Given 3 kids under 7, I doubt there's much time as a couple to do things, which is often a big strain on a relationship.