I think we've reached the end of the road. What now?

pushing40

Hubby and I had a blazing argument this morning and he pretty much told me that he didn't like me, didn't love me and he didn't like his life. We have three children aged under 7. I have never experienced divorce, nobody in my family has been divorced and none of my close friends have either. I really don't know what to do or who to speak to for advice.

Hubby works full time, I work part time but do everything for the kids: School run, meals, take to swimming lessons, wash and iron clothes, etc, etc.

We have a mortgage but a fair amount of equity. We also have savings and hubby has investments (totalling a lot of money).

What am I entitled to, and what should I do?

brianh

First of all take a time out. Everyone has quarrels and moments of saying things they regret. Hopefully you will have someone who will look after the children for a few hours while you and husband can have a quiet chat on what you both want going forward.
Sounds you both have a big investment in the marriage so don't be hasty in your decisions.

Ultimately of course if it looks like a non-amicable divorce (and I guess most divorces are of that type), then having a solicitor in your corner is probably a necessary evil.
I think the financial would be 50-50 split (including pensions) with ongoing maintenance but fortunately I have no experience of this situation and others will know more.

Best of luck.

Dill

pushing40 wrote: »

Hubby and I had a blazing argument this morning and he pretty much told me that he didn't like me, didn't love me and he didn't like his life. We have three children aged under 7. I have never experienced divorce, nobody in my family has been divorced and none of my close friends have either. I really don't know what to do or who to speak to for advice.

Hubby works full time, I work part time but do everything for the kids: School run, meals, take to swimming lessons, wash and iron clothes, etc, etc.

We have a mortgage but a fair amount of equity. We also have savings and hubby has investments (totalling a lot of money).

What am I entitled to, and what should I do?

Let things calm down, if the argument was only this morning.

pushing40

Thanks for your replies.

Unfortunately, this was like no argument we've ever had. It came from nothing but I've sensed it brewing for a few days. He has a high pressured job which I know he's not enjoying at the moment, so he is under a great deal of stress. However, he said some nasty things and shoved me. He didn't hit me, he never has, but I think he used every bit of self control he had not to.

I tried to talk to him this afternoon and apologise (though I truly believe he was at fault, not me, but I've always been of the opinion that sometimes you just have to make compromises and be the bigger person if you want a make a marriage to work. He said he didn't want a thing from me, that my apology meant nothing and that he'd rather be on his own. We have argued in the past, but this one felt different, somehow. More final.

Nomoonatall

Go to your nearest CAB, they'll advise you. Good luck. x

elsien

Would the two of you consider relationship counselling to see whether it really is the end of the line for you?
It seems very final to go from this to divorce if the issue has blown up comparatively quickly,
You might also want to start thinking about how you will manage the situation practically and financially if one or either of you decides you need more space away from each other in the shorter or longer term. Which from what you've said wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing right now if emotions are running high.

pushing40

I suggested counselling - he said it was pointless as nobody else in his life makes him feel like I do (apparently I nag too much). In my defence, with three children, a part-time job to hold down, and all the housekeeping I have to do, it's not surprising I nag when I get little help and he gets to lie in bed every weekend while I run around like a headless chicken. He has a very volatile temper and has isolated lots of people in his life (he no longer speaks to either of his parents or brothers, has fallen out with various friends over the years and moans constantly about colleagues at work).

warby68

You have young children, you can expect decent financial arrangements but its very early days.

Your gut may very well be right about end of the road but in the shock and heat of the moment it might be worth pausing to consider how much detail you want to post on a public forum.

Take care

Mupette

get proof of his investments ( they will disappear) he's either having a major strop or it's time to go your separate ways.

pushing40

Yes, Muppett, I think you're dead right there. The thing is, part of me thinks it's the former. However, part of me thinks that maybe I'd be a better person and, more importantly, a better mother if I was by myself.

meer53

I also think you'll be better on your own, from what you've said, you need a break, even if it's temporary to allow things to calm down and for you to decide what to do.

Make sure you have paperwork as someone has already mentioned, it sounds calculating, but with 3 young children, you need to be prepared for if the !!!! hits the fan and you do decide to split.

Divorce isn't the end of the world. For me, it was the start of a happy new life for me and my kids. To be free from a selfish partner is liberating.