I think we've reached the end of the road. What now?

x_raphael_xx

As someone who has gone thru a divorce (she cheated on me) things always seem disastrous in the first few days, but eventually when the dust has settled you'll find things are a whole lot better.
If there are underlying problems that can't be 'fixed' it's best just to get out. I didn't realise how unhappy I was until it was all over. Even my family and friends say I'm so much happier.

Ask him for a straight answer. Ask him exactly what he wants, if he wants a divorce, tell him 'fine'.
Once it's out in the open, you'll find it a relief.

pushing40

Thank you all so much. On one of my darkest ever says, you've all helped ease the pain just a little bit. I keep telling myself that, if this really is the end, I WILL be ok. It's very hard to believe though. Since I was 18 years old, I've never not been in a relationship. To face life alone (albeit with children) is incredibly daunting. Terrifying, in fact.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Seeing as he shoved you, I think it's more than reasonable for you to decide that, whatever he wants, you want a divorce.

It's possible he's bruised you - go immediately to your GP if that's the case. And then onto a good solicitor.

pushing40

Just to add, one of the (ironic) things that i'm sure my hubby probably dislikes about me is how snappy I am with our children. I often think that I am taking my anger and resentment with him out on them. If I was alone, as I was all day today, I would be a much better mummy to my three adorable children.

ska_lover

pushing40 wrote: »

In my defence, with three children, a part-time job to hold down, and all the housekeeping I have to do, it's not surprising I nag when I get little help and he gets to lie in bed every weekend while I run around like a headless chicken).

You have previously said that he works in a high pressure job. It might be a precursor to him having a nervous breakdown. Stress DOES change a person, you feel burned out, ill, panic attacks, stomach constantly churning. No wonder he has snapped as you seem to resent him having any down time. I say that as I had a nervous breakdown due to work related stress, and really needed support through it.

If you are working part time, is it not worth trying to do the household tasks during the week to free up the stress that is placed on the weekends?

You cannot blame him for how snappy you are with your children - when he isn't even there. Tbf You sound stressed out to the max too and it is clear that you do need some time away from each other to understand the others perspective

pushing40

I think we're both incredibly tired and stressed. However, he has far more down time than I do. He watches and plays rugby. He has lie ins every weekend. I don't even get one single hour to myself a week. Honestly, if I left him alone for one day with the children he'd be shocked at how much I actually do.

elsien

Then why don't you?
Arrange something for half a day or a day that doesn't include him or the children and leave them to get on with it
You're both entitled to down time, you may need to be more assertive about yours.

ska_lover

pushing40 wrote: »

I think we're both incredibly tired and stressed. However, he has far more down time than I do. He watches and plays rugby. He has lie ins every weekend. I don't even get one single hour to myself a week. Honestly, if I left him alone for one day with the children he'd be shocked at how much I actually do.

It does sound stressful, bit of a bubbling pot of resentment

In an ideal world - if you had an entire afternoon to yourself, what would you do?

pushing40

Relax in a spa. Or go on a date with my hubby. But in reality, I'd probably just work my way through a list of chores.

brianh

If you put all the reply points together then perhaps you can embark on a dual path of giving the partnership every chance (you've mentioned your hubby's bad points but given the marriage length and results, he must have had good points in your eyes) while at the same time preparing for a time if a break-up comes inevitable(visit to CAB and generally getting information together).

Thinks that appear insurmountable when you are down, can provide opportunities for a better life.