Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

AndyBSG

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Does your wife go out to work herself?

Yes, she does work full time and what makes it worse is that she'll happily moan all week about how tired she is and how she just wants a relaxing weekend but she'll then go and agree to do things.

Her main issue is that she seems incapable of saying 'No' to people.

itsanne

lulu_92 wrote: »

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

And you want to marry him? :think:

That needs sorted before you even contemplate doing so.

Candyapple

lulu_92 wrote: »

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

What is the common theme running through your relationship? He will talk until the cows come home, but not follow through with any actions.

Sorry to say it, he doesn't want to marry you, he is just feeding you with more lines so you drop the subject until the next time.

Is getting married a dealbreaker for you?

kelpie35

OP i really think you have to have a serious talk with your other half.

I would write down exactly how you are feeling.

Get a list of things that are upsetting you.

You then say that if things are going to continue the way they are, because they are making you feel so unhappy, you are going to take your babies and yourself to stay with your mum for a few weeks.

You then need to be strong and carry out the consequences.

This will give you both time to reassess what is important to both of you.

I wish you well in this difficult situation.

Andypandyboy

lulu_92 wrote: »

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

Maybe that is how MIL feels too?

lady1964

Almost everyone has already given very similar advice to what I would give so I'm not going to repeat.

Re the bank accounts: obviously I don't know what sort they want to open but my in-laws did that for my DD's, and they put 'pocket money' in each week/month. When each of my DD's turned 21, they were given a cheque for approx £2500. We kept seperate accounts too that we put birthday money into as well as other bits of cash & they got given that money on their 18th birthdays. Could you compromise and let them get on with a savings account for your girls, one they don't need the birth certs for? Actually I agree with the poster who suggested taking the birth certs somewhere else, say your parents house as it sounds like your MIL would 'encourage' your OH to give them to her, if she hasn't already got them, have you checked?

I also think you should write all this down for your OH, that or take actual action, after all actions speak louder than words, maybe it's time to get tough,

tea_lover

lady1964 wrote: »

Almost everyone has already given very similar advice to what I would give so I'm not going to repeat.

Re the bank accounts: obviously I don't know what sort they want to open but my in-laws did that for my DD's, and they put 'pocket money' in each week/month. When each of my DD's turned 21, they were given a cheque for approx £2500. We kept seperate accounts too that we put birthday money into as well as other bits of cash & they got given that money on their 18th birthdays. Could you compromise and let them get on with a savings account for your girls, one they don't need the birth certs for? Actually I agree with the poster who suggested taking the birth certs somewhere else, say your parents house as it sounds like your MIL would 'encourage' your OH to give them to her, if she hasn't already got them, have you checked?

I also think you should write all this down for your OH, that or take actual action, after all actions speak louder than words, maybe it's time to get tough,

That's quite a clear double standard there. He's not allowed to give the birth certificates to his mother, but the OP is being encouraged to give them to her mother without his knowledge?

fairy_lights

lulu_92 wrote: »

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

Seriously?? He wants to marry you, you're the mother of his children but your opinion doesn't count because it's not your house? That's horrendous. Does he let you make other decisions around the house about d!cor or furnishings or does he not think you're allowed an opinion on anything?

missbiggles1

lulu_92 wrote: »

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

Why do you need a ring or even to get engaged for that matter? If you both want to get married, just do it.

Mojisola

If the MIL really wants to open accounts that needs birth certificates, she can buy her own copies.