Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

lulu_92

The crux of the bank account issue is this: she flat out demanded the documentation without giving us any information besides "bank account". I wasn't saying that I forbid it but anything OH and I said about it was met with "tough, this is what we are doing" which I think is extremely rude and disrespectful. Just because they are being generous in saving for the girls it doesn't give them the authority to disrespect the parents for their opinions.

I am exhausted and I don't get to rest. Some problems I had after giving birth have returned because I never took it easy, because I physically couldn't.

I don't feel that secure to be honest. Again I was naive to think OH would propose after the girls were born. Everyone was convinced he would on my birthday last month, but he didn't even get me a present so I should have known!

The only security I have is that if I do end up leaving I'm not up a Creek without a paddle.

AndyBSG

Have to say I can completely understand the OP's frustration.

My LO is 18 months old now and we have probably only had 2 or 3 weekend days during that year and half when it has just been the three of us at home on our own.

My wife seems to think that every weekend has to be filled with 'doing something' which ranges from going out somewhere, visiting family or friends or having them visit us.

Come Monday instead of feeling relaxed and recharged for work I invariably feel more tired than I did on Friday.

I've told her time and time again that sometimes I just want time at home for us and to do things like a bit of DIY or gardening or just to veg out and watch movies together but she seems to feel we have a duty to visit people(most of whom don't feel a duty to return the favour) or take our LO out to keep her entertained.

Really does frustrate me at times!

Andypandyboy

AndyBSG wrote: »

Have to say I can completely understand the OP's frustration.

My LO is 18 months old now and we have probably only had 2 or 3 weekend days during that year and half when it has just been the three of us at home on our own.

My wife seems to think that every weekend has to be filled with 'doing something' which ranges from going out somewhere, visiting family or friends or having them visit us.

Come Monday instead of feeling relaxed and recharged for work I invariably feel more tired than I did on Friday.

I've told her time and time again that sometimes I just want time at home for us and to do things like a bit of DIY or gardening or just to veg out and watch movies together but she seems to feel we have a duty to visit people(most of whom don't feel a duty to return the favour) or take our LO out to keep her entertained.

Really does frustrate me at times!

Does your wife go out to work herself?

mickey54

Lulu

If you feel you can't tell your MIL and partner face to face, write them a letter outlining your plans...and don't be railroaded into doing something you don't want to do.

I agree that the four of you require time on your own, and I don't think a couple hours at night when partner home from work cuts it.

I hope it works out for you.

Rosemary7391

Lulu, would you be better off writing down all these things in a letter and giving it to him? There are several advantages: you don't forgot to say something, you don't say something you regret, he has time to think about it and it might make him realise that there really is a problem - you're not just moaning, you're taking the time to write things down. Probably works best with giving him the letter then clearing off for the day/evening so he has time to read and think about it?

Edit: Above poster beat me to it!

itsanne

lulu_92 wrote: »

The crux of the bank account issue is this: she flat out demanded the documentation without giving us any information besides "bank account". I wasn't saying that I forbid it but anything OH and I said about it was met with "tough, this is what we are doing" which I think is extremely rude and disrespectful. Just because they are being generous in saving for the girls it doesn't give them the authority to disrespect the parents for their opinions.

I am exhausted and I don't get to rest. Some problems I had after giving birth have returned because I never took it easy, because I physically couldn't.

I don't feel that secure to be honest. Again I was naive to think OH would propose after the girls were born. Everyone was convinced he would on my birthday last month, but he didn't even get me a present so I should have known!

The only security I have is that if I do end up leaving I'm not up a Creek without a paddle.

You already know your OH's mother is rude and domineering.The bank accounts are just another example of that, so let them go. Brooding about them is not achieving anything other than adding to your frustrations. In the long run your children will benefit from them but in the meantime just forget about them.

You're exhausted. Plenty of people, including your 'inlaws', want to spend time with the babies - use them. Your OH's mother may currently hand them back when they need changed, but if you tell her you aren't well and take yourself off for a rest she might surprise you. Quality time for now might be resting while your OH looks after his children - amongst all the negative things you've also indicated that he is interested and capable. There will be plenty of opportunity to have a different kind of 'quality time' once you're better. Getting better should be your priority.

Proposing is one thing - he may not want to get married - but why didn't he get you a present? Did he forget it was your birthday or think that it was unimportant?

Feeling insecure is a separate thing. That is something you need to discuss with your partner. If he has his own issues around marrying, there are other ways of making you secure. At the very least you should both have wills. Other than marrying, what do you think would stop you feeling insecure? It would be worth thinking about that before discussing it with him. From some of what you've said, contemplating leaving, I wonder if he feels insecure too ....

It's good to know that you won't be "up a Creek without a paddle" if you end up leaving, but please don't make that kind of big decision while you haven't yet recovered. It might come to that, but equally it could be something you would come to regret.

chesky

I now think the Sunday visits are pretty much irrelevant compared to Lulu's overall situation with her partner. Each bit of information she gives about his attitude to her wish for a 'family life' shows how little they really agree about their relationship and how precarious her position could become.

lulu_92

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

Rosemary7391

lulu_92 wrote: »

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

Where does he think you live!? I'm really not sure how your boyfriend sees you but it doesn't seem to tally with the reality of the situation...

AylesburyDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

He wants to marry me, we have discussed it. Someone I know got engaged and he said the ring is what he would choose for me. All I get is talk and no action. He has the money for a ring anyway.

I feel insecure because he never takes my side and has on more than one occasion told me my opinion regarding visitors doesn't matter because it's not my house.. how can I feel secure when I feel like a glorified lodger?

And you'd marry such a person who could disregaurd you so badly?
If the answer to that is yes then theirs little we can do to help you really.