Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

annandale

You've just had twins with someone who you have just said isn't on your side. You basically sound like you are being bullied by his family and he just sits back and allows it. Major alarm bells would be ringing for me if this were my partner. I agree, he's the biggest issue here.

reehsetin

lulu_92 wrote: »

He will never stand up to her as long as she treats him like a God. According to her it was my fault that OH didn't get me a birthday present last month.

Then you have to ask yourself, are you ok with being number 2 for the rest of your life

My favourite saying is "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result" this is what you're doing right now - something has to stop or change, either your husband changes or YOU have to - leave or move and make it clear you will not be number 2 to anyone

LannieDuck

I think the real issue here may be between you and your OH. The problem with your in-laws is a symptom.

Does OH resent spending time with the children? Does he do much of the childcare?

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I did begin the conversation last night but he didn't say anything. It was more me talking at him to be honest. Like I said, he has no problem bringing stuff up when it bothers him but if it doesn't he can't be bothered.

I'll try again tonight.

He really isn't being fair to you at all.

The apple didn't fall very far from the tree, did it?

lulu_92 wrote: »

Why? I've said I'm going to try again tonight! I'm doing my best!

Do you think he really knows and understands just how unhappy this is making you feel?
Have you managed to get that far in your talks with him?
Maybe he thinks it's just a little gripe you have.

You need to make him realise that it is something massive, so massive that you have even contemplated taking the twins to stay at your Mum's?
Or were you serious about this?
You did put a :rotfl:at the end of your comment so maybe you're not coming across as deadly serious to your OH and that's why he's content not to back you up.

Good luck with the talk tonight.

POPPYOSCAR

Candyapple wrote: »

How many times have you had the same conversation with him? Why do you expect tonight to be any different?

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou

I agree with this.

I cannot understand why you just cannot say to your OH that you have made plans and you are all going out.

What kind of relationship do you have if he goes against you in preference to his parents?

lulu_92

We do the food shop on a Saturday morning as until this week I wasn't insured on the bigger car and it's nice to have another set of hands to help.

He doesn't resent it but I think in his eyes he thinks quality time is actually going to do something.

LannieDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

We do the food shop on a Saturday morning as until this week I wasn't insured on the bigger car and it's nice to have another set of hands to help.

He doesn't resent it but I think in his eyes he thinks quality time is actually going to do something.

Start using online shopping - I found it brill during mat leave.

He thinks of quality time with the kids as going out and doing things, but you think of it as quiet at-home time. So you need to discuss it and agree to split what you do during the 'quality time': Go out to the park and then spend time at home. Both are party of 'quality time', and neither can be interrupted by relatives.

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

I've tried being really firm and it doesn't work because OH doesn't have my back.

We end up having a massive fall out and nothing changes.

It's so bad that I have considered taking the girls and going to stay at my mum's for a while at least, but then there'll be a whole to do about her being able to see them more

lulu_92 wrote: »

He's not on my side in the first place.

I'm fighting a battle against three people.

lulu_92 wrote: »

He's just so indifferent about it.

It's the almost lack of his desire to have quality time.

He will never stand up to her as long as she treats him like a God.

According to her it was my fault that OH didn't get me a birthday present last month.

I don't really know where to start. Why on earth did you get together with a man whose mother treats him like a god?

Didn't you realise that he'll never step up to the mark because he's never had to - his mother has taught him that whatever he wants to do is great?

Does he realise how close you are to walking away (even in the short term)? Would it actually bother him if you did? After all, he'd still have Mummy telling him that he's in the right and everything is your fault.

lulu_92

Pollycat wrote: »

He really isn't being fair to you at all.

The apple didn't fall very far from the tree, did it?


Do you think he really knows and understands just how unhappy this is making you feel?
Have you managed to get that far in your talks with him?
Maybe he thinks it's just a little gripe you have.

You need to make him realise that it is something massive, so massive that you have even contemplated taking the twins to stay at your Mum's?
Or were you serious about this?
You did put a :rotfl:at the end of your comment so maybe you're not coming across as deadly serious to your OH and that's why he's content not to back you up.

Good luck with the talk tonight.

I was deadly serious. I packed a bag. The :rotfl: was in regards to the last part of that sentence.

I still am serious. So much that I've got a plan for if/when I need it

Candyapple

lulu_92 wrote: »

He's just so indifferent about it. I should have known really. He was going to renew his football season ticket and makes out he didn't because him team is rubbish, but in actual fact I told him that he can't have everything his way and if he wanted quality time with us, his family visits and visits to the pub with his mates every weekend as well as a day at the football he would have to fit it all into one day.

It's the almost lack of his desire to have quality time. He said "we got Saturday morning after the food shop and we didn't do anything" - he doesn't quite realise the point

He will never stand up to her as long as she treats him like a God. According to her it was my fault that OH didn't get me a birthday present last month.

It sounds like the problem you have with your in-laws is only the tip of the iceberg and you have real severe underlying issues with your husband.

The fact that he didn’t get you anything for your birthday says a lot really. And his mum telling you it’s your fault? Damn. How on earth did you swallow that BS without giving her a piece of your mind? Let alone the fact that she was even privy to that knowledge/conversation, overstepping boundaries again.

Where is your pride? Self-respect?

What is this behaviour going to be teaching your children – that it’s ok to talk and treat mummy like a POS because she is one/doesn’t deserve to be respected?

Georgie and Duck you’ll need to create another space. Sorry OP, I’m out. Good luck, you are most certainly going to need it.