Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

catkins

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I'm obviously the odd one out here as I think you ARE being a tad unreasonable. Your children's grandparents want to visit for two and a half hours a week...there are plenty of people who would love for grandparents to be able to visit, or to have ones who take such an interest in their children. I don't have a relationship at all with my brother because he got married to someone who made his family feel so unwelcome that we stopped visiting. When my niece was born I was given a 'appointment' to visit which was in the middle of the night for me as I worked nightshift at the time. I've not even seen my nephew.

I guess what I am trying to say is don't push your in-laws away. No matter how much they may annoy you, they are still your husband's family and your children's grandparents.

It may only be for two and a half hours but EVERY week!! Of course the OP wants time with just her OH and babies.

Me and OH don't have children but we would not want someone visiting every single weekend even if we get on really well with them.

It might be different if they did not work but the weekend is the only time they get to spend together.

The grandparents are doing a good job of pushing themselves away without any help from the OP

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think you should have to either.

But it seems to me that it's either that or 1) you stand up to your MIL and tell her what is going to be acceptable about them visiting or 2) your OH tells his mother that she is out of order and that Sunday visits every week are not going to continue and makes it clear that he is speaking on behalf of both of you.

I think that your OH is part of the problem, tbh.

I agree that the OH is part of the problem. It is easy for everyone to say you have to tell your mother in law etc but some people don't like confrontation or arguments.

My MIL would have made our lives a misery if OH had not stood up to her. I did try and stand up for myself but I am not good at it. I hate arguments. She would scream and hurl abuse and I just could not stand up to that

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Demanded from who exactly? You and your OH? Why did you give her them? Why didn't you out your foot down then and there if you didn't want these accounts opened?

See, this is what I don't understand. You are making things harder than they need to be by not standing up for you and your family. You keep on posting threads about your inlaws, and nothing ever gets done and nothing ever changes. If your OH won't do anything then you'll have to.

As I said above, not everyone is good at standing up for themselves. OH grew up with arguments and screaming and shouting (between his parents and between him and his mum) from very young.

I didn't grow up with anything like that and both my parents are fairly shy and probably too easy going and I take after them.

I was lucky that OH did do something about MIL but if he hadn't I am not sure what would have happened

lulu_92

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Shift over on the i'm out bench Georgie, i think you'll need to make room for more of us.

Why? I've said I'm going to try again tonight! I'm doing my best!

paddy's_mum

Don't take it to heart.

LannieDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

I have! I actually get ignored. They then go to OH who then relents. He's not on my side in the first place. I'm fighting a battle against three people. I'll never win.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like with your OH, although I agree with a PP that I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who ignored me so completely.

I have two suggestions:

i. If your OH can't support you, he needs to agree to stay quiet. He absolutely must not undermine you.

ii. Or tell the in-laws that a specific weekend will be 'quiet'. If OH undermines you and says they can come anyway, you take the babies and visit your parents for the weekend (your OH can come too of course).

Your in-laws need to learn that they won't see the babies on the weekends that you want a break, whether they turn up or not. Be accommodating and friendly on other weekends so they don't feel excluded. But slowly start to make it clear that a 'quiet' weekend means they won't see the babies. If this happens a couple of times, they might stop turning up.

catkins

lulu_92 wrote: »

Honestly I don't know what else to do. I have been as firm as I possibly can, I have told OH he needs to stand up for me. I have pretty much done everything short of punching them all and it's led me nowhere. I am at my limit now.

I'm not the most confrontational of folks so what I have attempted so far was a big deal for me.

I really feel for you. I too have problems with confrontation or even just sticking up for myself.

You really need your OH to stand up for you.

Is he totally ok with them coming every weekend? If not, why will he not say something? If he is then you obviously have a problem and it's hard to know what exactly you can do or say as his mum obviously takes no notice whatsoever

AylesburyDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

Why? I've said I'm going to try again tonight! I'm doing my best!

Because, and i'm sorry if this sounds harsh, too much try and not enough do.
Nobody can force you to take the required action to save your own sanity. It's your own sanity after all, to do with as you please.
If you dont want to be a victim, dont act like one.
Sorry, move up Georgie

Candyapple

lulu_92 wrote: »

Why? I've said I'm going to try again tonight! I'm doing my best!

How many times have you had the same conversation with him? Why do you expect tonight to be any different?

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou

lulu_92

catkins wrote: »

I really feel for you. I too have problems with confrontation or even just sticking up for myself.

You really need your OH to stand up for you.

Is he totally ok with them coming every weekend? If not, why will he not say something? If he is then you obviously have a problem and it's hard to know what exactly you can do or say as his mum obviously takes no notice whatsoever

He's just so indifferent about it. I should have known really. He was going to renew his football season ticket and makes out he didn't because him team is rubbish, but in actual fact I told him that he can't have everything his way and if he wanted quality time with us, his family visits and visits to the pub with his mates every weekend as well as a day at the football he would have to fit it all into one day.

It's the almost lack of his desire to have quality time. He said "we got Saturday morning after the food shop and we didn't do anything" - he doesn't quite realise the point

He will never stand up to her as long as she treats him like a God. According to her it was my fault that OH didn't get me a birthday present last month.

lulu_92

If I could actually achieve the things I'm trying to do I wouldn't have written on here..

I can do it all to my heart's content, but when I've got a brick wall three people thick it doesn't quite work

tea_lover

One thing that really stands out to me here is..... why on earth are you doing a food shop on a Saturday morning??

I realise this is far from the main problem (I do get that ), but at least make the most of the family time you do have together.