Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

I was deadly serious. I packed a bag. The :rotfl: was in regards to the last part of that sentence.

I still am serious. So much that I've got a plan for if/when I need it

If you said to him "If your parents come next Sunday after we have asked them not to, it will the final straw for me and I am leaving you", what would he say?

lulu_92

LannieDuck wrote: »

Start using online shopping - I found it brill during mat leave.

He thinks of quality time with the kids as going out and doing things, but you think of it as quiet at-home time. So you need to discuss it and agree to split what you do during the 'quality time': Go out to the park and then spend time at home. Both are party of 'quality time', and neither can be interrupted by relatives.

I did but it got a bit pricey so I go to aldi now.

I think of it as time with the girls and each other, regardless of the activity. Funny thing is if I suggest we go for a walk with the pram he sometimes moans and asks if we can stay in :rotfl:

I think I was naive and thought it would change once I gave birth. I could handle them before I got pregnant as they were still all of the things they are now, but at least they kept their distance. We'd see them about once a month this time last year.

AylesburyDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

We do the food shop on a Saturday morning as until this week I wasn't insured on the bigger car and it's nice to have another set of hands to help.

He doesn't resent it but I think in his eyes he thinks quality time is actually going to do something.

As this isnt the main topic, i'll dip a toe
Have them deliver on a Friday, with the way supermarkets work the cost of delivery can nearly always be recouped via the shopping done(tesco), or in coupons received (asda).
I've got a grown up family of 4 kids plus OH (youngest 15) and i even now wouldnt actually go and do my own large shop, would rather do it from the comfort of my chair.:D

missbiggles1

Mojisola wrote: »

If you said to him "If your parents come next Sunday after we have asked them not to, it will the final straw for me and I am leaving you", what would he say?

I don't think that dishing out an ultimatum is a productive way forward nor an adult way to deal with marital problems.

catkins

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Because, and i'm sorry if this sounds harsh, too much try and not enough do.
Nobody can force you to take the required action to save your own sanity. It's your own sanity after all, to do with as you please.
If you dont want to be a victim, dont act like one.
Sorry, move up Georgie

Yes it does sound harsh because it is.

If it is not in your nature to be outspoken and stand up for yourself then it is very difficult to change.

It took quite a lot of abuse and interfering from my MIL until I stood up to her (not that it made any difference) and I was shaking each time I did and even physically sick a couple of times.

You would probably call me a "victim" as most of the time I would rather have an easy life than rock the boat. I have got a bit better as I have got older but I am still the person that people push in front of in queues and, most of the time, says nothing although fuming inside.

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

If you said to him "If your parents come next Sunday after we have asked them not to, it will the final straw for me and I am leaving you", what would he say?

I'm not too sure. I don't think he'd say anything either way until I pushed him for a response. He makes excuses for them anyway.

This weekend is out of the question as it's her birthday. I did say I might not go because I've not really had a rest since giving birth and I've not been well in that respect recently so was hoping to take advantage and just relax. OH said "but you have to go! It's my mum's birthday!"

Marvel1

I do find the best action I do is don't answer the front door.

Whe it knocks, I also quickly knock off my mobile - no missed call then to ring back

lulu_92 wrote: »

This weekend is out of the question as it's her birthday. I did say I might not go because I've not really had a rest since giving birth and I've not been well in that respect recently so was hoping to take advantage and just relax. OH said "but you have to go! It's my mum's birthday!"

He can just go himself with the babies.

His Mum not yours.

chesky

This thread is becoming incredibly repetitive. Lulu must realise by now that at some point her OH is going to have to choose between the two women in his life. And at the moment, his mother stands out as the clear winner.

Can you not stay in on Saturday and have family time together? Do your shopping either on line or on Sunday. Then you take the children out on Sunday, doesn't matter where, leaving your OH at home if needs be. If you do this three weekends running, they might just realise they're wasting their time.

And by the way, check out whether grandparents are allowed to open bank accounts for grandchildren. I do know that when I wanted to open ISAs for mine, my son and daughter had to sign the actual paperwork as the parents as I was not legally allowed to. It would be nice if she was breaking the law, but I'm not 100% sure.

candygirl

Candyapple wrote: »

How many times have you had the same conversation with him? Why do you expect tonight to be any different?

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou

Omg that's my fave all time quote :T
LULU not sure if this has been suggested yet, but how about telling the outlaws to text or ring before they come round.That way you can be "out" , at your own convenience.
If they don't play ball with this idea, you've every right to kick off.Hubs sounds as much use as a chocolate fire guard :mad:

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I was deadly serious. I packed a bag. The :rotfl: was in regards to the last part of that sentence.

I still am serious. So much that I've got a plan for if/when I need it

But does he really, really believe that you are serious?

Unless he does, packing a bag isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference to him.

If he does believe you are serious and still isn't willing to support you against his Mother, it doesn't say a lot about the depth of his feelings for you.

And if that is the case, you have very few options.

You either put up with your MIL ruling your household. Get used to it so it doesn't twist the knife every time you are put into 2nd place.

Or take the twins and leave him - but unless you are serious about breaking up with him, that would just be an empty act.