Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

lulu_92

LannieDuck wrote: »

No, you haven't. Let them know in advance, be polite but firm. And if they turn up, then don't let them in.

I have! I actually get ignored. They then go to OH who then relents. He's not on my side in the first place. I'm fighting a battle against three people. I'll never win.

paddy's_mum

I wish I knew where you lived so that I could turn up next Sunday and answer the door with a defiant "no, you're not coming in ..." on your behalf.

lulu_92

hazyjo wrote: »

Just say you're out the following weekend and can you make it the next one. Don't answer the phone. I don't think they'd come round knowing you're not there would they? If they did, just say it was cancelled last minute.


You need to be firm. If your husband doesn't back you, then you need to have this out with him.


Sooner or later, you will have a major row over it - best have a civilised conversation before that one tiny thing pushes you over the edge.


You're right - you shouldn't have to leave your house to avoid them - so what is the alternative if you won't tell them not to come round every week?


Yep, Candyapple, I see your point and did think about it, but most couples dream of spending time together so maybe the OP could use it to her advantage if she's not likely to take any other advice or stand up to her OH/MIL.


Jx

I've tried the civilised conversation, telling them that every week is too much and we'd like family time as well and I got a big sob story and she almost cried, like as if I told her she could never see them again. OH said nothing.

OH and I have couple time enough, we use the time when the kids are asleep to our advantage. We don't go out together much (once so far) but we appreciate it more. We don't use grandparents for babysitters much if at all, by choice.

I am obviously very happy they love the children and want to see them but it won't kill anyone to miss a week!

AylesburyDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

Honestly I don't know what else to do. I have been as firm as I possibly can, I have told OH he needs to stand up for me. I have pretty much done everything short of punching them all and it's led me nowhere. I am at my limit now.

I'm not the most confrontational of folks so what I have attempted so far was a big deal for me.

Have the converstion again, insist that changes are made and that his actions speak louder than words.
Tell him you'll give him space to do this and then take yourself and the children off to your mothers for the day on Sunday maybe?
My old mum, bless her heart, used to say "you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink"
Have a drink, the waters lovely!

hazyjo

Okay, they won't listen and your OH won't back you. If he does ever back you, you can guarantee the conversation with his mum will go along the lines of 'I know it's unfair, but I'm getting it in the ear from Missus lulu 92 and she's threatened to leave me and take the kids'. He will resent you. They will resent you. There will be a massive irreparable rift.


You can't change your husband's mind. Either accept the situation, or you fall out with them all and put your foot down. Neither is appealing which I'm guessing is why you're trying to find a third.


Can you move miles away?


Jx

lulu_92

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Have the converstion again, insist that changes are made and that his actions speak louder than words.
Tell him you'll give him space to do this and then take yourself and the children off to your mothers for the day on Sunday maybe?
My old mum, bless her heart, used to say "you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink"
Have a drink, the waters lovely!

I did begin the conversation last night but he didn't say anything. It was more me talking at him to be honest. Like I said, he has no problem bringing stuff up when it bothers him but if it doesn't he can't be bothered.

I'll try again tonight.

AylesburyDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

I have! I actually get ignored. They then go to OH who then relents. He's not on my side in the first place. I'm fighting a battle against three people. I'll never win.

Says it all im afraid, i couldnt be staying with anyone who at least gave some consideration to my feelings, it appears he doesnt AT ALL. :eek:

lulu_92

hazyjo wrote: »

Okay, they won't listen and your OH won't back you. If he does ever back you, you can guarantee the conversation with his mum will go along the lines of 'I know it's unfair, but I'm getting it in the ear from Missus lulu 92 and she's threatened to leave me and take the kids'. He will resent you. They will resent you. There will be a massive irreparable rift.


You can't change your husband's mind. Either accept the situation, or you fall out with them all and put your foot down. Neither is appealing which I'm guessing is why you're trying to find a third.


Can you move miles away?


Jx

We're not in a position to move just yet as I'm on maternity leave and OH is on a temporary contract as he lost his job when I was pregnant. I go back next year so we can get saving again and start paying more off our mortgage. I did suggest moving near my work but he hates the area :rotfl:

AylesburyDuck

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

In the words of the dragons...."I'm out!" Because it's all just coming across as excuses, and I don't think anything that anyone will say on here will make a blind bit of difference.

Shift over on the i'm out bench Georgie, i think you'll need to make room for more of us.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I've tried being really firm and it doesn't work because OH doesn't have my back.

lulu_92 wrote: »

Honestly I don't know what else to do. I have been as firm as I possibly can, I have told OH he needs to stand up for me. I have pretty much done everything short of punching them all and it's led me nowhere. I am at my limit now.

lulu_92 wrote: »

I have! I actually get ignored. They then go to OH who then relents. He's not on my side in the first place. I'm fighting a battle against three people. I'll never win.

lulu_92 wrote: »

I've tried the civilised conversation, telling them that every week is too much and we'd like family time as well and I got a big sob story and she almost cried. OH said nothing.

Pollycat wrote: »

I think that your OH is part of the problem, tbh.

Actually, reading through your latest posts, I'd change that to say your OH is the main problem.
He is taking the easy way out by allowing his Mum to do whatever she wants whenever she wants.
If it were me, I'd be addressing the way he treats me rather than how his Mother does.

I wish you luck, unfortunately it sounds like you're going to have a pretty miserable time until/unless your OH starts to put you first and push back against his Mother.