Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

Kim_kim

lulu_92 wrote: »

Excellent idea! I have a few friends having babies as well so I might regift. But the point I was making was even when we told them that these nappies are rubbish for us we essentially got told it was tough because they were buying them. Fine by me if they want to waste their money!

I think you need to pick your battles.

If someone gives you a gift smile sweetly & thank them.

Telling them it's rubbish is just drawing battle lines.

onomatopoeia99

paddy's_mum wrote: »

If they ignore you and you throw a monumental strop and shout "no and if you do, I'm leaving..." Would it shock them into listening and perhaps, finally, obeying?

That's a very dangerous game to play. Ultimatums and threats are generally a terrible idea in relationships, at least relationships that you want to have a future.

Also, I like your use of "obeying", as if everyone needs to obey the stroppy person :rotfl:. I know millions of two year olds think that everyone should, but most of them grow out of it in the end.

candygirl

My DD's inlaws used to turn up, dead on tea time every Sunday, despite constantly being given the hint.They came again, and my DD shouted " fgs if you don't tell them to go, I will!" as her hubby was anwering the door, and the heard her! :eek:
They went, and have been huffy since about having to make an appointment to come round :rotfl:

fierystormcloud

candygirl wrote: »

My DD's inlaws used to turn up, dead on tea time every Sunday, despite constantly being given the hint.They came again, and my DD shouted " fgs if you don't tell them to go, I will!" as her hubby was anwering the door, and the heard her! :eek:
They went, and have been huffy since about having to make an appointment to come round :rotfl:

It stopped them coming round uninvited though?

Thing is, there IS no easy way to say it. No matter how you say it, whether it's nicely or sharply; people will be offended.

My cousin (I'll call her Mel,) had the same issue to be honest; but it was her husband ('Paul's) brother and his wife and 2 (very boisterous, irritating) sons. Every single Sunday, for 3-4 hours. They used to dread the car pulling up. They did start to go out, but the bro and SIL and kids just started coming later in the day! (And STILL stayed 3-4 hours!)

When Paul rang his brother to ask if they could possibly just visit maybe every 3 weeks or so instead, and maybe give them a chance to visit HIM and his family now and again, the brother said 'why? what's wrong with us visiting our own immediate family?' And Paul said 'because we'd like a few Sundays when we can just chill all day, or pop off out if we want.' 'Well you can do that during the 165 hours of the week we're not there can't you?' the brother said.

Well, Paul did put his foot down, and said, 'no we want most Sundays to ourselves; just us and our daughter.' Well, the brother had a proper strop on, and mumbled and moaned about 'not even being able to see his own brother and niece without clearing it with HER first,' and then only being 'allowed' once a month!

Upshot? They never ever visited again. Mel and Paul started to visit them once a month or so, (and sometimes they didn't answer the door!) But no, they never visited again, because they were sooooo wounded at being asked to not come every single Sunday for 3-4 hours. Mel and Paul didn't lose sleep over it. Even 4-5 years later, the brother and SIL still gripe about it, and they still haven't visited again. Pathetic.

They only see each other now when there is a family get together, as Mel and Paul stopped visiting them after about a year, because they were not made to feel welcome; even though they warned them in advance that they were coming, and only visited every 4-6 weeks.

onlyroz

Surely the answer is simple. Just go out. So this Sunday head for the beach or the park or whatever. Take a picnic and plenty of baby supplies. Leave at 9am and don't return until dinner time.

enthusiasticsaver

you may have to be blatantly obvious and just tell them it is inconvenient. To a certain extent I think a compromise should be reached as they are your OHs parents and the twins grandparents. I have a baby granddaughter myself and like to see her every week. I childmind her once a week now when my daughter works part time but they always bring her over at the weekend so we see all three of them or we arrange mutually for us to go over. It is on their terms though which is fine as they are busier than us. Take your girls over to see them so the visit is on your terms. Babies change so much I can understand why people want to visit. You may need their help some day so best to keep on good terms with them unless they are totally unreasonable. Also if you don't want the nappies just donate them and make sure they know which brand you use. If they still insist on buying stuff you don't use then that is their issue.

pollypenny

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

you may have to be blatantly obvious and just tell them it is inconvenient. To a certain extent I think a compromise should be reached as they are your OHs parents and the twins grandparents. I have a baby granddaughter myself and like to see her every week. I childmind her once a week now when my daughter works part time but they always bring her over at the weekend so we see all three of them or we arrange mutually for us to go over. It is on their terms though which is fine as they are busier than us. Take your girls over to see them so the visit is on your terms. Babies change so much I can understand why people want to visit. You may need their help some day so best to keep on good terms with them unless they are totally unreasonable. Also if you don't want the nappies just donate them and make sure they know which brand you use. If they still insist on buying stuff you don't use then that is their issue.

This is true.

Your in-laws must love your babies, as you'd want. In the future you may well need them, so it's worth keeping on good terms.

Re the nappies, I'm sure they thought they were being helpful. If someone bought Aldi nappies most people would think they were being cheapskates!

Just go out yourselves on some days, but tell the parents. They'll get the message.

paddy's_mum

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

That's a very dangerous game to play. Ultimatums and threats are generally a terrible idea in relationships

I completely agree with you. That's exactly why M-i-L should not be doing it to the OP, riding rough-shod over her wishes with all the grace, delicacy and tip-toeing of a Sherman tank!

There isn't going to be an easy way to resolve this conflict all the time that M-i-L presents as the enemy. In Lulu's shoes, I'm afraid I would be coming right out with it since anything less than straight speaking is useless with someone with a hide like a Teflon coated rhino!

PS The word obey is appropriate in this context for Lulu is morally entitled to have her perfectly valid views/opinions respected and acted upon.

AylesburyDuck

lulu_92 wrote: »

Honestly I don't think he'd bring it up of his own accord. There's this big hoopla about a bank account that MIL wants to set up in the girls' names, and I have some reservations about it for many reasons (and it's not because it's her, I would feel the same if it was anyone else) and it was only when I made one particular point that OH brought it up of his own accord, and still got told it was tough and they were doing it anyway. I'm not sure what's going on with this now.

Ah, so she truely is holding you to ransom, litterally then, i'd be saying to your other half that setting up a bank account for the girls is an absolutely lovely thing to do (lots of loving Grandparents do it), so long as its not used as access to graze off the table of all you can eat Sunday access.
Thats not love (which cant be bought), thats extortion.
I really think your other half is going to have to man up, preferably before he ruins his family life with resentment, its after all you and the girls he lives with, not his parents.

hazyjo

Why don't you leave them to it - get some alone time? Instead of packing the whole family up to go out, you two go out!


If they're that desperate to see them, purposely misinterpret why they're there and say you think it's marvellous and that you'll allow them them proper bonding time. Nappies are in the second draw down - bye. They'll soon get fed up of babysitting.


(Not read all replies so may have been suggested earlier!)


Jx