Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

fierystormcloud

Kaye1 wrote: »

Which 'in-law' is the driving force? Perhaps you could have a quiet word with the other one?

I am guessing the mother in law? :cool:

Almost always is in situations like this. I have never known a middle aged man insist him and his wife go visiting relatives or friends every weekend. Most men want to stay in and watch the footie or golf or go fishing or whatever... Or just sit and chill in front of the telly!

Lulu, you're fighting a losing battle unless you get your husband on your side. If he doesn't mind them coming, then you have no chance! Personally, I would be wanting to move 200 miles away if I had in laws like this. Mine hardly visit as they have a life of their own, other (adult) children, and grandkids. Plus they don't live very close... We see them about once a month...

Your MIL sounds like a flippin' nightmare. What gives her the right to think she can impose herself on you for hours on end EVERY WEEKEND? I'm not gonna lie, I am not keen on visitors for the most part, unless it's close family (like one of my sisters, or nieces or nephews, or a parent.)

That said, people don't visit that often, and we don't visit them... We do meet up for family "do's" at the pub every few weeks though. Sometimes a dozen of us at a time. Who wants people stuck round your house all afternoon? Noooooo I want to relax and chill, not spend all afternoon entertaining folk!

Your MIL and FIL HAVE to be told Lulu, and your husband needs to tell them.

lulu_92

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I agree you do need to be firmer. I imagine it is their son they want to see too though so if he is only home at the weekend then that is why they choose that time. Could he not take the babies over to see them on a Friday night thus pre empting a visit? Or on a Sunday evening?

Re Pampers, they are a good make it is unusual for them not to suit babies, or leak unless they are not being changed often enough. I would complain to the manufacturer.

Well he gets back about 2 hours before the girls go to bed, and they've visited in the week before so I'm not sure why it has changed, and I'm also unsure why they're now being so firm on this time and day, regardless of what we say.

Pampers have always been rubbish for us, Aldi are far superior for our girls. I have heard the opposite from other people so I imagine it's different for everyone, otherwise everyone would buy pampers.

catkins

Is your OH happy with them visiting every weekend? To me it is strange to intrude into your family time every single weekend. You having young babies does not make it better.

You really need your OH to say something to them although if he is not bothered by them keep visiting that is probably not going to happen. Does he realise how you feel about it?

My mother and father in law were very interfering and would keep just turning up uninvited and unannounced. We moved further away from them and a few times they turned up when we were out and we then got an abusive phone call from her screaming down the phone. OH kept telling them that we often went out at weekends as we both worked quite long hours all week but they totally ignored it.

At one time they lived in London and we lived in Norfolk and they would still just turn up announced! The absolute worst though was when we lived in France and they would turn up and stay for 2 weeks. Unfortunately it took massive arguments and a complete falling out to stop it

Mojisola

reehsetin wrote: »

Was there a consequence? They may not get boundaries until there's clear consequences for their actions

lulu_92 wrote: »

What kind of consequences could there be?

They buy you something unsuitable like the nappies so you thank them for the thought but say that you will pass them on to someone who uses that brand. At the moment, their choices are controlling you.

They say they are coming on Sunday afternoon, you say that isn't good for you (and go out), they arrive and there's no-one there.

Have you tried giving them choices that do suit you - eg, "We're going to have Sunday as a family day - would you like to come round on Wednesday evening or Monday evening (or whatever suits you)?" You aren't telling them when they can come - it's still their decision which still makes them feel in control.

pmlindyloo's idea is also worth a try - when they do come on a Sunday afternoon, get them to do something useful. If they take the children out for a walk, you can get on with something which will give you free time when they have gone home.

If they really don't get the message, you might have to try other things - are there any family members or friends that they don't get on with who could call over when they are there, could you go out to do the shopping while your OH and his parents are with the children, etc.

Keep the two Sundays a month free for them so that they can't say you are trying to stop them spending time with the grandchildren.

Georgiegirl256

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm totally up for evening visits, as is OH. In fact these suit us so much better as it also puts a time limit on the visit as for some reason people tend to leave once the babies are in bed! :rotfl:

Well tell them this then. Put your foot down and tell them. It always amazes me that people can't just be honest with folk. There's ways and means of wording it so you don't come across as the baddie.

luxor4t

lulu_92 wrote: »

.......Its even the little things. Recently they bought us a few packs of pampers as they were on offer. We thanked them and I said although we appreciate them they won't fit for a while and pampers don't agree with our girls, so we tend to get another brand. The response I got was "it's our money and we'll do what we want with it" and we now have about 800 nappies that won't fit for a month at least, and leak so profusely we end up chucking clothes away!..........

Now you know which nappies to put the babies in when they visit.....!

lulu_92

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Well tell them this then. Put your foot down and tell them. It always amazes me that people can't just be honest with folk. There's ways and means of wording it so you don't come across as the baddie.

I've tried, believe me. But they told me that they can't possibly do any other time at all in the week, even though I know this isn't true. Things get left with them basically saying "well this is what I want and that's that." Regardless of anything we say.

OH does want the time with us three, but like I said he can never say no to his mum and dad. I've literally just said we need a weekend off and he has nothing to say about it :mad:

lulu_92

luxor4t wrote: »

Now you know which nappies to put the babies in when they visit.....!

:rotfl: joke would be on me, every time the girls need changing whilst MIL is holding one of them, they get handed back to me. She isn't the most helpful of folks (not to say I expect her to do this, but you'd think to be kind she'd offer to do one as all we do is change nappies what with having two!)

barbiedoll

It seems that MIL is taking her role as family matriarch very seriously. She is used to getting her own way and expects everyone to dance to her tune. OP now has to fight for her position as matriarch of her her own family, how does that saying go about only room for one Queen Bee in the hive?

Lulu...as your OH doesn't want to rock the boat (a history of strong women in the family will do that to men haha!) you're gonna have to take the reins and sort this out yourself, with his full support of course.

You'll need to be diplomatic obviously, but be firm and don't buckle under her pressure. You could say that you have BOTH decided that, at the moment, you wish to have alternate weekends as family time and you will not be entertaining any other guests. You will obviously be happy to make exceptions for holidays, birthdays and so on.

Don't feel like you have to make excuses, or that you have to go out for the day if you don't want to. You should call her, or even better, get OH to call her, on the Saturday afternoon or evening before your Sunday off, just to remind her that you don't expect to see her the next day.....if she does turn up, tell her at the door that you have other plans and that you can't see her today. If she "forces" her way in, don't offer any tea, cake or anything. Just stand there and wait for her to offer her excuse as to why she has turned up after being told not to. And keep the babies away from her!

This is very hard to do, I know, but you HAVE to stick to your guns. It's not unreasonable to expect a weekend to yourselves. I think that it is very rude for family members to think that they are welcome whenever they feel like it. Of course they want to be involved with your babies but they should respect your boundaries. And you have to set them...firmly if necessary.

You do need to start getting a handle on this, or it will only get worse as the babies get bigger. You'll have no end of battles otherwise, this is just the start. And who cares if you're the "baddie"? Let her know who is in charge of your kids.....it's not her!
I've heard endless horror stories from my friends with overbearing MIL's, from enrolling them into religious classes without permission, to dressing them in hideous clothes and (from a thread on here, I think?) cutting their hair :eek:

Put your foot down now!

tw1nklestar

My daughter has triplets plus 3 biggers and I do not go round without an invitation - I get plenty when they need an evening off or want to go shopping in peace and quiet - I would be tempted to put a note on door saying please do not knock as girls are sleeping and mr Lulu are having some cuddle time and a nap too! If urgent pop a note through the door and we will call you as soon as we wake