Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

onomatopoeia99

I guess from your opening post that your parents must see their grandchildren considerably less often that your OH's parents, since you don't mention them at all as taking up your time. So I'd be inclined to suggest approximately equal time spent with both sets of grandparents per week, so no-one feels they are being sidelined.

Tammykitty

OP - people like to visit new babies, so as the girls get a bit older, the visits will drop off and you will have most of the weekends to yourself.


Did the in-laws always visit regularly or just since the children arrived?


What about your parents, how often do they visit?


I don't think its unreasonable for grandparents to want to see their grandchildren for 2 hours a week.


I also don't think its unreasonable for you to want to spend time as a family.


You're OH has to reach a compromise with them, it should be him talking to them and arranging something that suits them all.


Think about the future, would you be happy to only see your girls and their children for 2 hours a week, and for your son in law to be complaining about those 2 hours?

lulu_92

My mum picks me up on a Wednesday for slimming world so she pops round about half an hour before group starts so she can say hello. Everyone tries to see us once a week but there's more flexibility from everyone else as they will always ask us what us best for us and wheb we are free. With the in laws it has to be whatever they want without a thought for anyone else.

I do have a history of uncooperative in laws, but I can never "win". They always get their way, and I'm made out to be horrible one.

To be honest if my son in law only saw his wife and kids properly on Saturdays and Sundays I would not be constantly expecting that time be allocated to me on a weekly basis.

Threebabes

This would drive me mad.

I would go out and visit other relatives, go shopping, for a walk etc.

Could you ignore the door?

peachyprice

This is exactly what my inlaws did when my daughter was born, we told them we were going out in the end, even if we weren't and cut it down to about 1 weekend in 4. They weren't happy, but tough.

I didn't mind at all if they popped round at different times in the week but weekends were my down time when I didn't have to rush around getting a newborn out of the house to get 6yo twins to and from school, I really resented that we then had to spend some of that time rushing around entertaining them.

lady1964

Your DH has to stand with you on this one Lulu, you're a family together and have to be as one on situations like this. You can make excuses about going out but from the sounds of it, they'll invite themselves or adjust their visiting time to arrive at yours earlier or later. Besides, as we get into winter, it won't be as easy to pop out if it's freezing or pouring rain so this needs to be nipped in the bud now. Perhaps once a fortnight visits would be agreeable to you and your in-laws. I think you both have to grasp the nettle as it were and kindly explain that you just want quiet family time.

As much as I love my parents and my in-laws, I'm glad we have never lived close to them and were able to have visits/visit them on our terms.

lulu_92

Threebabes wrote: »

This would drive me mad.

I would go out and visit other relatives, go shopping, for a walk etc.

Could you ignore the door?

Our front door is in the living room so it would involve hiding upstairs.

The problem is that OH will never tell his parents no, so they do what they want (Although in his defence he has twice tried to stop them doing a couple of things that we were against, and they did it anyway)

lulu_92

peachyprice wrote: »

This is exactly what my inlaws did when my daughter was born, we told them we were going out in the end, even if we weren't and cut it down to about 1 weekend in 4. They weren't happy, but tough.

I didn't mind at all if they popped round at different times in the week but weekends were my down time when I didn't have to rush around getting a newborn out of the house to get 6yo twins to and from school, I really resented that we then had to spend some of that time rushing around entertaining them.

This is exactly how I feel. It drives me mad that I have to wait for them to leave the country for a week before I get a weekend with OH AND our kids!

Dill

You can't exactly not answer the door to your own family! Is there a reason why it has to be a Sunday that they visit? Are they working during the week? I would try and re-schedule it.

lulu_92

Dill wrote: »

You can't exactly not answer the door to your own family! Is there a reason why it has to be a Sunday that they visit? Are they working during the week? I would try and re-schedule it.

They do work, ish, but have more flexibility than the rest of our relatives. The way it always is with them, it has to be what, when and how they want it to be.