Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

lulu_92

Thunderbird4 wrote: »

I'm confused. Your Inlaws are only round for 2 and a half hours a week. Admittedly it is a bit annoying but you've got all day Saturday for your quality time.

It sounds more that you don't like your Inlaws as opposed to anything else.

Well I haven't have I? I do have other family members who want to see us at weekends, too. Our two days off together end up being all about everyone else seeing our children. It's just that the in laws are the only ones who have demanded this time every week and won't even let us have one weekend where we don't see them.

I shouldn't be surprised, though. When I had given birth I wanted no visitors in the hospital, then ended up having to let them visit, so I said that my mum and my sister would also be allowed to come up, but I only wanted half an hour from each (I had a long labour and gave birth in the middle of the night). My mum and sister stuck to this rule and arrived when they said. My sister ended up leaving early because the in laws arrived an hour earlier than they said then wouldn't leave until visiting was over (2 hours!) And took OH with them to go to the pub! I was angry about that for ages! I've said that next time I'm not having anybody visit in the hospital, that didn't go down well.

barbiedoll

lulu_92 wrote: »

Good plan, I could fit in a visit to my parents as well as they live about a mile from each other. This will probably be when the girls are older as they have a big labrador who is a bit excitable and last time we took the girls over the dog was going crazy all over them and MIL wouldn't put her in the garden or her cage temporarily despite me saying I wasn't comfortable with the situation.

Although saying that, we're going over to theirs this Sunday for her birthday.

See....this is why you absolutely need to start letting her know who is in charge of your children. An over-excited dog, who is probably not used to young babies, is a disaster waiting to happen. I don't want to scare you but you must, must, must get her to keep the dog away from the children unless you are certain that the dog can cope with crying babies. And obviously make it clear to her that the dog should NEVER be left alone with the children at any time.

I'm an animal lover and I think that children should be bought up with pets if possible, it's almost always a good thing. But it's not fair to the dog if the presence of small babies is going to stress it out. Your MIL sounds like a very stupid woman indeed. :mad:

lulu_92

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

If you asked your other half to say that while you all enjoy the visits (white lie), that every week is NOT working for you,you have things to do and cant plan, and that maybe every other week would work better, would he?
It would drive me insane i'm afraid, so i dont for one second think you unreasonable, i wouldnt be held to ransom in my own home, and they'd just have to lump it no matter how snotty they got.:eek:

Honestly I don't think he'd bring it up of his own accord. There's this big hoopla about a bank account that MIL wants to set up in the girls' names, and I have some reservations about it for many reasons (and it's not because it's her, I would feel the same if it was anyone else) and it was only when I made one particular point that OH brought it up of his own accord, and still got told it was tough and they were doing it anyway. I'm not sure what's going on with this now.

liney

Drop into theirs unannounced on random weekday evenings, so as not to form a habit, and tell them of your weekend plans which do not include them.


When leaving, say see you next week - we'll try and drop around on Tuesday. And if they protest, then tell them it's the only day that's good for you so you'll leave it until the following week. Turn the tables on them.


If the dog is not calm, pack up and leave. Make it clear you are leaving because of the dog.

lulu_92

barbiedoll wrote: »

See....this is why you absolutely need to start letting her know who is in charge of your children. An over-excited dog, who is probably not used to young babies, is a disaster waiting to happen. I don't want to scare you but you must, must, must get her to keep the dog away from the children unless you are certain that the dog can cope with crying babies. And obviously make it clear to her that the dog should NEVER be left alone with the children at any time.

I'm an animal lover and I think that children should be bought up with pets if possible, it's almost always a good thing. But it's not fair to the dog if the presence of small babies is going to stress it out. Your MIL sounds like a very stupid woman indeed. :mad:

Oh I got totally ignored when I said I didn't want the dog going near my babies, did she listen? This is why I don't visit often because I also find it harsh for the dog to have to be put away in her cage because of the babies, as it makes me nervous (and I too am an animal lover).

pinkshoes

My inlaws know that I do what I want to do.

If I were you, i would just tell them you are going out on Sunday, and if they still insist on coming round, tell them that is fine, but you won't be there, so see them next week, or perhaps they would like to come during the week instead...

Just let them turn up if you are out!!

Go out and enjoy your babies! Mine are now 8 months and so much fun to take out.

lady1964

Lulu should not have to go out to avoid her MIL, though I can understand why she might want to.

Years ago in a job I had, I was eating a hot lunch at my desk in our back office. Someone came in to speak to me, I said I had a hot lunch and I would come & find him when I'd finished. He went off & !!!!!ed to someone else that "if she doesn't want people to disturb her, she should go out." No, I shouldn't have to go out, people should learn to respect that was my lunch hour and I was eating. Not quite the same as Lulu's situation but still complete disrespect for what she wants and total disregard for her feelings, and not just on the visits either.

I was going to suggest visits to the in laws but can see it's a problem with a large dog. I really think you have to get this resolved NOW before winter arrives and it's not so easy to get out, or you end up loading them into the car & heading off to a shopping centre or something.

I guess you have to suck up your visit there this Sunday as its her birthday but on the following one, I'd follow pinkshoes idea and tell her you're going out and go out.

This would drive me nuts if this were my MIL. Sorry if I've missed this but how far away from you do they live?

paddy's_mum

Oh, stop it!

How many times does your m-i-l and husband have to force you into things, that you don't want, before you finally stand up for yourself and say, shout, scream "NO"?

You are being too nice. What's to stop you saying no,no,no, and again no? If they ignore you and you throw a monumental strop and shout "no and if you do, I'm leaving..." Would it shock them into listening and perhaps, finally, obeying?

It's all too nice. Will your husband let you leave if this all goes pear-shaped? If he will, then you are already on a losing wicket.

There are people on this earth who give not a damn about others. There are people on this earth who let those folk do it.

There are others on this earth who realise that those folk will also, some day, quietly poison the children against their parents.

Don't you be so willing not to rock the boat that you become one of them.

FIGHT. You are already the enemy in M-i-L eyes so make it real and ruddy well make it worth the fight!

There comes a time where peace, compromise and niceness is actively working against your own best interests.

itsanne

Others have said most of what I would, but make sure when you go over that you leave if the dog is not put away. Don't be put off by the birthday - if anything that's a bonus as it will really make the point. Say something like, "I'm sorry but I'm very uncomfortable with the dog being around the babies. I'll have to take them home if it's not put in its cage or outside." And then do it.

It's likely that at some point your inlaws will babysit at their house, and you need to establish now that the dog is not to be around the children.

If your inlaws do as they please regardless of what you say, there's nothing to stop you doing exactly the same, especially where your children are concerned.

Kim_kim

lulu_92 wrote: »

Oh I got totally ignored when I said I didn't want the dog going near my babies, did she listen? This is why I don't visit often because I also find it harsh for the dog to have to be put away in her cage because of the babies, as it makes me nervous (and I too am an animal lover).

If they are willing to cage the excitable dog then isn't that good enough. It's not for that long.