Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

Pollycat

Lulu
I just re-read the last page of one of your pre-birth threads (baby shower).

The advice given by Mojisola is very relevant to this thread.

fairy_lights

lulu_92 wrote: »

They do work, ish, but have more flexibility than the rest of our relatives. The way it always is with them, it has to be what, when and how they want it to be.

Then you're going to have to be firm with them. How do you think they would react if you told them the truth - that you want some weekends alone for family time? You could sugar the pill a little by saying you'd love to have them round one evening a week instead.

Marvel1

Do what I do, don't answer the door.

lulu_92 wrote: »

Our front door is in the living room so it would involve hiding upstairs.

That's excatly my house, as I know people would hear the TV, I wear headphones :rotfl:

cats2012

Lulu I don't have kids yet but I think this is crazy! I would definitely be pushing my OH to tell them every weekend is too much. It's lovely they want to be involved, but they should work round you, not the other way around.

I definitely won't be having my in laws round every week when we have kids, or at best it would be on a weekday when I'm still off work - they will only be allowed to eat into our time at the weekends if we want them to!

Stand your ground - it must be exhausting having twins anyway, let alone dealing with constant visitors too!

Caroline_a

I had a mother in law who tended to be like this. I started making arrangements that clashed with when she was due. I told her the first time and she tried to rearrange for later but I said no, probably not a good idea (can't remember what excuse I made). The second time she turned up and I genuinely wasn't in. Bit of moaning, but I said well we didn't know you were coming... and bit by bit we got her out of expecting us to be in. It wasn't easy though!

lulu_92

fairy_lights wrote: »

Then you're going to have to be firm with them. How do you think they would react if you told them the truth - that you want some weekends alone for family time? You could sugar the pill a little by saying you'd love to have them round one evening a week instead.

I tried this approach last week and they weren't very happy. Apparently they can't do any other time any other day (which I know is a lie as they visited last Wednesday whilst I was at slimming world, and it wasn't a one off, they used to come over every wednesday too)

I've grown a bit more backbone since having the girls, but honestly they put up such a wall it is impossible to even negotiate with them. There's a couple of issues in the air that no matter what we say they will ignore it.

I'm in no way saying they can never visit, nor am I trying to deprive them of a relationship with their grandchildren, I, perhaps naively, expected to be able to have some control over the quality time OH and I can share with our children, which I don't seem to get.

lulu_92

cjdavies wrote: »

Do what I do, don't answer the door.



That's excatly my house, as I know people would hear the TV, I wear headphones :rotfl:

You can see my TV through the window unfortunately! Plus I think two very giggly babies could give the game away! :rotfl:

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

The way it always is with them, it has to be what, when and how they want it to be.

lulu_92 wrote: »

I've grown a bit more backbone since having the girls, but honestly they put up such a wall it is impossible to even negotiate with them. There's a couple of issues in the air that no matter what we say they will ignore it.

I, perhaps naively, expected to be able to have some control over the quality time OH and I can share with our children, which I don't seem to get.

You can't negotiate with people who always want their own way - you have to set out your position and stick to it.

To be honest, it sounds as if your OH is as much a problem as his parents. By not standing up to his parents, he's forcing you to be the 'baddy'.

pmlindyloo

I know you have 'issues' with your MIL but sometimes life is a compromise. The most important things are your partner and your babies (had twins myself)

If your partner was totally with you on this then my words might be different but am wondering if compromising is the way to go.

I suspect that they come at the weekends because your partner is a home (after all he is their son). The suggestion that they visit in the evening personally filled me with horror! I was totally knackered by the evening and certainly didn't want to have to be sociable, particularly to someone who wan't my favourite person.

It is relatively a short time so I was wondering whether you could take advantage of their visiting. Since it is summer time could you ask them to take the babies for a walk? I am sure they would love this. You could then spend this time doing whatever you and your partner wanted. A quick cup of tea and a cake when they got back and hey presto it would be over!

I realise that part of this is the feeling that your MIL is dictating how you live your lives (and perhaps I am different ) but I welcomed all sorts when mine were young just to give me and my husband time to ourselves. My two were also wonderful babies but were still time consuming. To be able to have an hour to ourselves was blissful.

If you can compromise on this now (as long as you don't have plans yourselves for the Sunday) then, believe me, there will be plenty of opportunity later on to be firm. Plus, I have a feeling that compromising now will score big points with your partner who obviously feels differently to you. Please don't let it draw a wedge between you and your partner.

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

You can't negotiate with people who always want their own way - you have to set out your position and stick to it.

To be honest, it sounds as if your OH is as much a problem as his parents. By not standing up to his parents, he's forcing you to be the 'baddy'.

This is true. I am the bad guy constantly, so I end up looking like a bitter woman who hates her in laws :rotfl:

Its even the little things. Recently they bought us a few packs of pampers as they were on offer. We thanked them and I said although we appreciate them they won't fit for a while and pampers don't agree with our girls, so we tend to get another brand. The response I got was "it's our money and we'll do what we want with it" and we now have about 800 nappies that won't fit for a month at least, and leak so profusely we end up chucking clothes away! As grateful as I was for the help at first, if they had listened to me they could have saved their money and bought us nappies that we could get use out of, or not bought us any more full stop :rotfl: