Pre-30 panic

Beautiful-Moose

You say hundreds of millions have children before they are ready and it's the best thing they ever did as if it's fact again. How many found it wasn't the best thing? How many regretted it? How many would have been happier if they had waited until they were ready in comparison as that really can't be known but is the crux of your statement?

When I was younger (in my teens) I honestly thought I would want kids no later than 25 but as I crept further towards that age I hadn't met anyone I wanted to settle down and have kids with. I wasn't willing to have kids just for the sake of having one. I am glad I waited as I am now with someone who I would love nothing more to do than have kids and a little family with him but again I want to be in a better position financially before I go down that road. My sister and my BF sister both had kids in their early twenties and a cousin recently had a kid and she is only 21 but all had met someone by then that they wanted to have children with. I can't imagine being 25 and having kids at all but I wouldn't tell someone they were wrong to have kids that early, that is their choice in most cases.

Kynthia

Guest101 wrote: »

I'm confused at what your point is, can you spell it out to me?

Yes I don't think you get my point. It seems like you think you gave opinion and stats. However you've given no evidence based stats but actually stated things you don't know to be true as if they are fact, and made extrapolations that aren't necessarily true either. That's why your post got reactions.

If your post is your opinion then I don't have a problem with that, it just wasn't how it came across to me. There's probably much we agree on and ensuring the OP considers the benefits of parenthood sooner and the risks or downsides to starting later so she can make an informed choice is probably one of them. However there is also a lot to be said for being 'ready', having a secure relationship and good finances in place where possible. Like many things there are shades of grey and you make the best decision you can.

It really is the best and hardest thing I've ever done which is why I'm both excited and a little bit terrified to be doing it again.

Guest101

Kynthia wrote: »

Yes I don't think you get my point. It seems like you think you gave opinion and stats. However you've given no evidence based stats but actually stated things you don't know to be true as if they are fact, and made extrapolations that aren't necessarily true either. That's why your post got reactions.

If your post is your opinion then I don't have a problem with that, it just wasn't how it came across to me. There's probably much we agree on and ensuring the OP considers the benefits of parenthood sooner and the risks or downsides to starting later so she can make an informed choice is probably one of them. However there is also a lot to be said for being 'ready', having a secure relationship and good finances in place where possible. Like many things there are shades of grey and you make the best decision you can.

It really is the best and hardest thing I've ever done which is why I'm both excited and a little bit terrified to be doing it again.

I'm glad we can agree on some things, but to clarify it was totally my opinion, if it came across differently I apologise.

I think that many people leave it too late to have children and at a point when they are beyond the physical limitations that children crave.

I'm glad to have had a son relatively early, 25, I'm able to keep up and he loves it. Many parents I've seen, especially fathers, but certainly not limited, are 10 years ahead and I genuinely feel for them. They can't keep up.

I'm the 'young dad' at any parent events, and it's not an exclusive group. This does mean though I'm able to make full use of the times I'm there. Working 9-5 and being close to work help, but I'm developing my career around my family, whilst I see others struggle as their time is stretched between child(ten) and work.

Mostly though I find parents who have one child and they end up spoilt and, frankly, bullies.

ska_lover

I am genuinely surprised at Guest 101 being a young bloke. I always thought you were a retired lady for some reason lol

Guest101

ska_lover wrote: »

I am genuinely surprised at Guest 101 being a young bloke. I always thought you were a retired lady for some reason lol

Ha ha! Best post ever!

Gavin83

Detroit wrote: »

Re the marriage issue, the 'its only a piece of paper and makes no difference' argument only works if both parties in the relationship agree.

People who want to be married and have partners who think as above, will see it as a withholding of commitment on the part of the other.

After all, if it makes no difference and the other person really wants it, why not?

If neither want to marry, great; but where one partner does, the reluctance of the other may be due to avoiding that absolute commitment. Possibly due to poor examples of marriage, but maybe also because they really aren't sure.

I just don't see marriage as a bigger commitment than living together in a long term relationship. It's not about being sure or even poor examples of marriage (my parents have been married over 30 years) I just don't see the difference.

However I'm not particularly anti marriage either. My girlfriend does want to get married so we will, seeing as it makes no difference to me I'm happy to go along with it. However I could quite happily continue along unmarried as well.

Guest101

It's weddings rather than marriage I have a problem with.

FBaby

you say hundreds of millions have children before they are ready and it's the best thing they ever did as if it's fact again. How many found it wasn't the best thing? How many regretted it? How many would have been happier if they had waited until they were ready in comparison as that really can't be known but is the crux of your statement?

It's one thing to look at it from the perspective of the parents, but what about the children? Are they better or worse off raised by parents who might be more tired, physically and mentally, but also more mentally mature, more knowledgeable, less stressed, better off financially etc...

My mum had me at 22 and then my sister at 42 (no sibling in between). When she had me, I was just an addition to the many aspirations she still had, so receive limited attention compared to my sister who had a mum who had accomplished already most of what she desired and was able to focus her time and attention much more. I think my mum would say that she enjoyed being a mum to my sister a lot more than to me and had more energy as she was more in control of her life then and didn't have half as much going on.

My mum is in her 70s and the role of care still hasn't shifted fully for me, and not at all for my sister, she still sees my mum as responsible for her!

Detroit

Gavin83 wrote: »

I just don't see marriage as a bigger commitment than living together in a long term relationship. It's not about being sure or even poor examples of marriage (my parents have been married over 30 years) I just don't see the difference.

However I'm not particularly anti marriage either. My girlfriend does want to get married so we will, seeing as it makes no difference to me I'm happy to go along with it. However I could quite happily continue along unmarried as well.

A lot of people don't see the difference, and if both parties are happy not being married, that's great.

My point was where one person wants to be married, and the other doesn't, the argument not to because is makes no difference doesn't really wash, because if a person genuinely feels there's no difference, why not do that seemingly irrelevant act to make their partner happy?

In your case you say you will, but there are others who claim it makes no difference who refuse, despite their partner's wishes. It is these people I imagine have a stronger objection than merely ambivalence, and are using the can't see the point argument as an excuse.

Detroit

Studies show that young parents have healthier pregnancies and children because they are at the peak of their fertility.

Studies show that older parents have healthier pregnancies and children because they are more financially stable and able to afford better diet.

Studies show th a younger parents have better relationships with their children as they are closer in age and better able to relate to them.

Studies show that older parents have better relationships with their children because they tend to be more patient and at a more stable point in their life to give attention and resources to the child.

Studies show that only children are more likely to be lonely and grow up self centred and socially awkward.

Studies show that only children benefit from the company of adults and grow up socially confident.

Studies show that studies generally involve gathering evidence to support a preconceived theory and that if you look hard enough, studies can be found to support your viewpoint of choice.