How do i keep everyone happy?

bossymoo

The poor OH is getting some insults here!

How do we know she hasn't worked OT for years and years to ensure they could meet their financial commitments only to find out her husband is allowing family to live rent free?

I'd be miffed too! We shouldn't assume that he bring home more bacon than she does, I earnt much more than my late OH - and both of us would have been upset to find the other had been lying about finances.

OP! I don't envy you, you've found yourself between a rock and a hard place. I too think a meeting with a solicitor might give you some unbiased options on how to proceed.

Only you know how much support your dad provided in terms of that house - only you have an idea of morally, how much *should* be his share - if you decide to split.

I gather there's no option for them to buy you out?

paddy's_mum

cjdavies wrote: »

I'm now confused how she was funding them, if there was no mortgage to pay and paid her own 50% on her house.

But she believed there was £200 a month coming in that wasn't.

So, who is making up that shortfall in their own income if the family were not?

Marvel1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

But she believed there was £200 a month coming in that wasn't.

So, who is making up that shortfall in their own income if the family were not?

Assuming she did her normal job no overtime, I personally don't see the problem, and don't see any shortfall or funding his family compared to many people who have no second homes and work full time. I must be missing something.

Mojisola

theoretica wrote: »

If the siblings (or dad) can get housing benefit then they should definitely be paying rent, it wouldn't even be coming out of their own pockets!

They wouldn't be able to claim HB - it would be considered a contrived tenancy.

Mojisola

Piggyplank wrote: »

I asked if he would pay £50p/w rent to contribute to my current mortgage but he greatly resented this and I stopped asking him for it because It was badly effecting our relationship and was making me feel terrible.

There are three adults living in the house - £50 between them is £16.50 a week each.

They have so little gratitude to the OP despite providing them with free housing for years that they won't even hand that over!

LKRDN_Morgan

Mojisola wrote: »

There are three adults living in the house - £50 between them is £16.50 a week each.

They have so little gratitude to the OP despite providing them with free housing for years that they won't even hand that over!

But without the dad covering household bills would OP have been able to pay off the mortgage so quickly? Without him the OP may not be in the comfortable situation he/she is in now. Own 1 house outright with the option of selling it to pay off existing mortgage, retire early and jet off!

Siblings sound like absolute leeches though

Detroit

OP I don't think you're being treated well by either your family or your wife.

With regards to your wife, she presumably knew and accepted your commitments to your family before she married you. To put you under pressure by moving the goal posts now is very unfair.

It's telling that you felt you needed to lie to her, presumably for fear of going against her wishes. This is not a healthy way to feel about your partner. You should feel free to stand by your choices if you want to, and have her respect you enough to support you.

You have had a history of abuse from your mother, and its not surprising if you feel afraid to oppose your wife. I therefore don't criticize you for lying, it was unwise, but given your history and your wife's position, understandable.

As far as your family are concerned, they are taking advantage of you. I agree that, with the correct benefits in payment, what you're asking for is affordable and perfectly reasonable.

Given that you have two opposing forces trying to influence you, you will be unable to please both. So how about, maybe for the first time, you please you?

Think hard and decide, if there was no pressure on you, what would you want to do?

Would you feel happier continuing to support your family, or would you rather have the £50, half or all of the house proceeds, or something else?

When you've worked this through, give them all your decision.

You have done quite enough thinking of them, let them please you for a change.

I'd also strongly recommend you talk this through with someone outside of this who has YOUR interests in mind.
Or maybe a professional counsellor who can help you reach the decision right for you.

TBagpuss

I'm really surprised at the criticism of OPs wife.

OP, I think it might be helpful for you to talk to a solicitor to be clear about your options. I think it is very likely that you dad, at least, would have some legal claim on the property if push came to shove, and that it would be wise to try to get some sort of agreement sorted to make clear the limits of that interest.

One possible option might be to look at whether you could sell the house, and buy a smaller property for your dad to live in. You could ensure that there was a formal agreement in place defining his responsibilities (.g maintenance, insurance etc) and this could also free up some of the equity to reduce your mortgage.

This gives your dad security and somewhere to live, and your siblings can then look at renting elsewhere.

Another option would be to arrange to sit down with your dad and to specifcally ask him what he thinks would be fair, taking into account your much higher contributions to the property, and the fact that you never agreed, and do not want, to support your siblings.

It may e worth checking that your dad is claiming any benefits etc he is entitled to. I don't see that his paying £50 per week should be a hardship to him if he has no rent/mortgage to pay - has he given any explanation as to why he feels that's unreasonable? Even if he feels he should be entitled to half the house, then if it has a rental value of £600 per month it would not be unreasonable for him to be paying £300 month, and you are asking for less than that.

Is there any chance that he is being pressured by your siblings? Or that he feels responsible for them?

What does your wife suggest that you do next?

Kynthia

I doubt the OP's partner is money - grabbing if she was satisfied that the family were paying £50 a week as it's not much. It sounds like she felt that the man she loved was being taken advantage of and taken for granted by people who are supposed to care for him too and he's been extremely generous to. For her troubles she is lied to for years. Not a nice situation to be in.

Detroit

My criticism of the OPs wife is due to the pressure she is placing on the OP, who she knows to be vulnerable, to get him to utilise an asset which belongs to him to benefit her.

The house in question belongs to the OP, not to them as a couple, and unless his wife is bringing a similarly valued asset to the marital table, I feel she has no right to dictate that he should use his personal asset to benefit her, rather than his family.

The choice is the OPs and a supportive partner should respect that, and prioritise his peace of mind over their own agenda.