How do i keep everyone happy?

Zeni

In some way i can see where your OH is coming from as she probable feels (at it very much seems) that you are being taken advantage of and getting nothing for it. You did an amazing thing for you and your dad breaking free from a terrible situation and paying off a mortgage for the both of you. I'd be interested in the split of how much the mortgage cost you vs how much the bills your dad paid a month cost because as I would imagine you paid a lot more than he would of and you even state you then ended up paying some of the bills too.

It must be hard obviously not wanting to upset your dad but at the same time it shocks me he (and your siblings) would quite happily live there and not want to give 50 p/w rent between him and the two others..its not asking much but as a gesture would show some appreciation for what you have done. Also sad to read the part where you say they never make any effort for you and yet you are always trying to see them etc.

Worrying to read that this situation is making you feel depressed and setting you back. I've seen how hard it was for my OH to come back from depression episodes several times and the one thing he always found was that he had to be selfish at times and do the things he needed to do to feel well again.

Maybe a solution might be proposing to your father that you would like to restart the rent for 50 p/w however if this cant be resolved you may have to sell the property. If hes reluctant to move out this may make him think in comparison its a small price to pay, or it may make him instead agree with you about selling up if he's not prepared to do that. If anything you need to get out all that you are feeling to him and your siblings - do they really realise what effect this is having on you?

Sadly to answer your topic title.. you can never make everyone happy and sometimes to try and do so ends up making you the unhappiest of them all.

spadoosh

Piggyplank wrote: »

In answer to some of the queries. The property is worth approx. 130k with a rental value of about 600pcm.

When I moved out my sister and brother both moved in with me after a while to get away from my mum. They left after a few years and moved in with another family member but moved back about 5yrs ago without asking me. I have spoke to my dad about selling and splitting the money 50/50 but he is very reluctant to do this and seems to want to puts obstacles in the way at every solution I offer.

I can kind of see why.

So he gets £65k, can he buy a house outright with that?

On the assumption the answer is no, due to his age hes unlikely to get a mortgage that means renting. £600 per month gives him 9 years of having a house and then hes trying to find £600 a month on his pension. You suggest he doesnt have much that way so going off state pension that gives him about nothing to live off.


The guys 69 and still working, about to get kicked out of the house hes lived in for so long because your mrs wants to go travelling, i would be miffed too. As bad as it is can you not just wait until he dies from the sounds of the life hes had hed be doing well to get past 70!

One thing my old man taught me, you can please some of the people some of the time you cant please all the people all the time.

Marvel1

I have to come back to this thread as I keep thinking about it, again towards the partner.

It's more sell your house, to help pay off the mortgage you both have, so she can have the easy free ride your family has.

My Uncle bought my Nan a house many years ago, no rent, only pay for repairs that occured, worked well and when moved to a care home, the house was sold- worked well as he wanted to ensure she had a home over her head mortgage/rent free.

spadoosh

borkid wrote: »

To others who have said she is grasping etc we have no idea how much she contributes financially to the household. You don't know her background maybe she has fears of herself or OP dying young and wants some time together. The point is we just don't know, I've seen too many people die just before retirement or shortly after, this might be influencing her view.

Its not cool to do this at the expense of the op and his family relations. Clearly at one point the OP didnt want to ask his dad for the money. So he didnt. Clearly he didnt want to tell the OH this, so he didnt. The OP has made the choice, to reneg on that choice will probably mean burning bridges. Personally im one to stick by my convictions so id go on the basis that i want my dad to have a house. If this cost me a relationship then so be it. I wouldnt be prepared to lose the relationship i have with my dad because i decided to backtrack on an arrangement, especially one that would see him unduly stress and potentially massive consequences regarding where he lives and how hes able to look after himself.

If she wants to retire earlier and £50 per week would do it, tell her to find a (n extra) job, its 7 hrs work at minimum wage.

Marvel1

SailorSam wrote: »

If we all took that attitude, none of us would go out looking for someone to fall in love with and have a family of our own.
We'd all stay at home with Mummy & Daddy.

I don't do go out looking for someone, quite happy livng on my own and don't live with Mammy & Daddy.

Mojisola

Piggyplank wrote: »

I have spoke to my dad about selling and splitting the money 50/50 but he is very reluctant to do this and seems to want to puts obstacles in the way at every solution I offer.

It's only your name on the deeds, isn't it? You don't need his permission to sell - but you will need them to leave which is where it could get difficult.

Even though they haven't been paying rent, they are your tenants and will have rights. You also should be complying with all the landlord legislation.

You may also have capital gains tax to pay - as well as estate agents, etc - when the house is eventually sold so take that into account before you offer your Dad 50% (or whatever %) of the sale price.

Going4TheDream

Your dad helped you to get on the ladder by supporting bills etc until your circumstances improved. There is a lot of value in that and your wife needs to understand that. How you build the bridges over the lie over the fact he was paying £50 a week is more difficult but there would be no house had he not helped you in the early years.

Your siblings on the other hand need to make a financial contribution. Whatever their circumstances they cannot be expected to 'live for free' and perhaps this is where you need to look for starters. Turn the tables on them and perhaps suggest that you are going to get a paying lodger in to share with your dad so they will have to start looking for somewhere else to live or you will have to sell the house as you can no longer afford to keep up your own house and need the extra money but if they want to stay there instead there will be monthly rent to pay from them.. get them to sign a lease even, make it official.

This way your wife is kept happy, you keep the house, and the money you get in rent could help pay down your mortgage.

DigForVictory

My two pennorth is that you Cannot keep Everyone happy & that even half an hour with a solicitor would clarify a lot of questions about who has entitlements.

It would take a bit longer, with therapists, to figure who has reasonable expectations.

In your shoes, I'd be trying to balance between my father & my spouse & trusting both to explain, repeatedly, to my siblings that none of us are the hideous monsters they will suddenly decide we are if we decide to change how things are done as regards the house.

I'd get a Will drawn up too.

paddy's_mum

spadoosh wrote: »

£600 per month gives him 9 years of having a house and then hes trying to find £600 a month on his pension.


You suggest he doesnt have much that way so going off state pension that gives him about nothing to live off.



about to get kicked out of the house hes lived in for so long because your mrs wants to go travelling

I really can't see why Mrs Piggyplank is getting all this malicious commentary when the OP clearly states that HE is the one feeling resentful, taken for granted, anxious, depressed and used.

I'd also point out that Mr and Mrs Piggyplank aspire to retire early and travel. As he says, THEY have been "talking a lot" which does not suggest to me that he is being forced, compelled or in any way bullied into making a decision about the house just to shut Mrs up!

If we accept for the sake of argument that Dad is half owner and the rental value is £600 a month, surely as a matter of fairness Dad ought to be paying £300. As it is, he's not paying anything and if that isn't leeching, I don't know what is.

If Dad hasn't got a lot of money left over, then he needs to apply for the appropriate top-up benefits. It is not OP's job nor obligation to fund him as though he's a helpless, deeply dependent child with severe learning difficulties who can never be cast adrift.

If Dad needs to find a fair and reasonable rent, then surely his other adult children need to pay up their fair share, anxiety etc notwithstanding. Many similar threads on this forum almost always agree that being completely funded/subsidised by parents is grossly unfair to those parents and morally reprehensible on the part of the taking child. I cannot see why this situation is any different except that in this case, there is not even the residual obligation of a parent since these are siblings not offspring. £50 a week to house three adults is the bargain of the century and yet these three decline to pay even that!

There's giving a helping hand and there's being taken advantage of to the nth degree and I find it no wonder that loyal Mrs Piggyplank has had enough of it! If I'm going to be working my socks off to support some cause, I'd at least like the privilege of choosing who is going to benefit from my efforts. She's been an angel in my opinion :A and doesn't deserve the adverse comments.

paddy's_mum

spadoosh wrote: »

If she wants to retire earlier and £50 per week would do it, tell her to find a (n extra) job, its 7 hrs work at minimum wage.

If it's that perishing easy, why can't each of the two siblings get 3 and a half hours of work at home per week, pay their fair share, and take all this very unkind pressure off the OP?