How do i keep everyone happy?

paddy's_mum

Someone asked this earlier but is there enough equity in the property for you to sell and a buy small property outright for your father or else enough to pay a decent chunk of the rent on another place for some years to come?

What he does then with HIS lodgers/tenants/!!!!!!!!!!s rests with him but you will have honoured your original agreement with him, played entirely fair with your wife, helped to achieve the dreams you and your wife have, and have done away with the stress and resentment you are feeling about the family gravy train.

As an aside, I do feel that Dad should have a sizeable chunk out of the proceeds as per the original purchase agreement but bear in mind too that he would have been paying bills to keep a roof over his head, whether that be a council flat, a lodging house, a hotel or a house you both lived in.

Did anyone ask your permission for your siblings to move in? Who pays the bills for the house now? Who funds or performs routine maintenance?

If the answers come back as no, me and me, you'll know why your wife feels as she does.

Filter has blanked out a word that sounds like a film about a lioness called Born !!! and the word to describe a person who loads things. No swearing!

Piggyplank

Thanks a lot for the replies everyone I really appreciate it.

The most important thing to me is repairing my relationship with my OH, I have talked to her and I think she understands what I am feeling and why I did what I did.

I think, deep down there are past issues that I have with my dad. I feel a little let down by him both from when I was a kid and now. He has always stuck his head in the sand and never seemed to deal with responsibility. I resent the fact that he is living in the house rent free and not willing to make a compromise and the idea of him paying rent is more my idea than my OH.

At the end of the day the deeds are in my name and my will leaves everything to my OH. Part of me is thinking stuff it I’ll have to work until the mortgage is paid off and then think about retirement and the other part of me is thinking I should have been selfish and when I originally left home I should have not taken anyone with me.

Just about all the posts on here have made valid points and are all mirror things that have been going through my head but I’m still no closer to coming up with a solution that means I haven’t upset anyone or let someone down.

Mojisola

Piggyplank wrote: »

Since I left my old house my dad has continued to live there and has also been joined by my sister and younger brother.

My dad Is now 69 and semi-retired with a normal pension and not much else, my brother and sister are both mid 30’s and have never worked as they both suffer with anxiety and depression.

If they are all claiming the benefits that they are entitled to, there is a lot of money going into the house every week!

Your Dad alone must be receiving at least £155.60 (if his pension isn't this much, Pension Credit will bring his income to this level).

The three family members are taking you for a ride.

You have done amazingly well to get where you are after such a difficult start in life but you can't carry your family for the rest of your life.

Pricivius

I don't see how selling the house and splitting the profits wouldn't keep everyone happy? Your father accepts that at least part of the property is yours - let's say 50/50 for the sake of argument. So you explain that you need to release your 50% equity from the property. Him and your siblings either buy you out of your share or you have to sell the property.

They must be able to see that living in a house you (at least) half own is unreasonable, even if it is what they want and what they have become accustomed to. I would sit everyone down, explain that they have lived there for free for 5+ years, but that now you need to release your cash from the property. How do they propose this happens?

I do tend to be far too pragmatic and ignore the emotional side so perhaps I am not being realistic as to whether the above would work - but it has to be the fairest solution...

d70cw6

your fiance sounds like a complete POS.

paddy's_mum

Pricivius wrote: »

They must be able to see that living in a house you (at least) half own is unreasonable

Oh, I'd bet money that they do, indeed they do. They just don't want to!

Life must be so very easy with nothing to do or pay out for, no repercussions and every expectation of a continuing meal ticket. They sound like the worst kind of grasping divorcee and OP should have no agony of guilt or feelings of failing anyone for wanting to lay down a burden that should never have been his in the first place.

He's their brother not their father, for goodness sake!

Legal advice, OP, not least because it may show you several options and you then pick the least unpalatable. Good luck and bless your kindly heart.

paddy's_mum

d70cw6 wrote: »

your fiance sounds like a complete POS.

What fiancee is that, then?

Did you bother to read the thread before launching such a spiteful, unfounded and sleazy comment?

spadoosh

SailorSam wrote: »

If we all took that attitude, none of us would go out looking for someone to fall in love with and have a family of our own.
We'd all stay at home with Mummy & Daddy.

Ive written a response but erring on the side of caution.... what are you on about?

From what the OP wrote about this lady

My OH resents the fact that they all live in what is essentially my house, don’t pay any rent and she thinks we should sell the house and pay off our own current mortgage to speed up our retirement plans

I think my attitude is pretty justified.

Piggyplank

In answer to some of the queries. The property is worth approx. 130k with a rental value of about 600pcm.

When I moved out my sister and brother both moved in with me after a while to get away from my mum. They left after a few years and moved in with another family member but moved back about 5yrs ago without asking me. I have spoke to my dad about selling and splitting the money 50/50 but he is very reluctant to do this and seems to want to puts obstacles in the way at every solution I offer.

borkid

Piggyplank wrote: »

In answer to some of the queries. The property is worth approx. 130k with a rental value of about 600pcm.

When I moved out my sister and brother both moved in with me after a while to get away from my mum. They left after a few years and moved in with another family member but moved back about 5yrs ago without asking me. I have spoke to my dad about selling and splitting the money 50/50 but he is very reluctant to do this and seems to want to puts obstacles in the way at every solution I offer.

That's a very generous offer in my opinion. When I've had both mortgage and bills the mortgage was much higher than the bills so you've paid in more than he has there also he's been living rent free for 5 years.

It depends on how much you want to keep him and siblings happy. If I were your OH I would see your actions re the rent as choosing father and siblings over me.

To others who have said she is grasping etc we have no idea how much she contributes financially to the household. You don't know her background maybe she has fears of herself or OP dying young and wants some time together. The point is we just don't know, I've seen too many people die just before retirement or shortly after, this might be influencing her view.