How do i keep everyone happy?

sooty&sweep

Hi

I can see your wife's point of view.
For me the issue isn't so much with your father but with your brother & sister.

If it was just your father I'd go for a quiet life.

Not trying to be morbid but your father should pass on before you. When this happens what then ? Will you then allow your brother & sister to continue to live there ?

They are younger than you ? So all things remaining equal they should outlive you.

From your wife's perspective you're providing free accommodation for your family & will continue to do so for the rest of your life.

If it was me I'd decide how much responsibility I want take for my father & then my brother & sister. If you decide that you want to let them continue living there then look at their income & agree a reasonable rental amount or even investigate an arrangement where they buy the property off you.

Jen

FBaby

I personally think your wife had no right to tell you what to do with the house that you got before you met her and dictate what you should do with your family. People like this really angry me.

My husband gives his mum quite a significant amount of money towards his mum each month. It is something they agreed before I even met him and something between his mum and him. We too hope to retire as early as possible and do everything towards that aim but it has never crossed my mind even a second to suggest, let alone tell him that he should stop supporting his mum to pay towards our mortgage. What a nasty and selfish thing that would be.

My OH loves his mum and wants her to be happy. I want him to be happy, so support him 100% in his decision.

You lied to your wife, not nice, but she brought it upon herself with her selfish demands. She is lucky you are so devoted to her!

Flyonthewall

As this is causing a lot of anxiety, depression and resentment it would be best to sort it asap.

Your father has lived their for years, it's his home and although he has paid in the past he's no longer giving you rent so he isn't going to want to change things. However, things clearly need to change.

So give him options and a time limit. Tell him he can start paying rent at £x a month (whatever you feel fair) but you'd do best making it all official (written agreements and actually being a landlord) or he can move out and you'll sell the place (giving him X% if you wish, however much you feel fair and maybe an offer to help him pack/move and find a new place) or he can buy the property off you (perhaps below market value). Tell him he has, say, a month to decide. Set an exact date and tell him to let you know when he's decided what he wants to do.

If he doesn't tell him that the house will be sold. You can still give him a percentage if you wish.

He probably won't be happy, but you're giving him a fair choice and if you do give him 50% as you suggested earlier in the thread that's generous. The time limit also gives him chance to deal with any potential obstacles.

spadoosh

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I really can't see why Mrs Piggyplank is getting all this malicious commentary when the OP clearly states that HE is the one feeling resentful, taken for granted, anxious, depressed and used.

I'd also point out that Mr and Mrs Piggyplank aspire to retire early and travel. As he says, THEY have been "talking a lot" which does not suggest to me that he is being forced, compelled or in any way bullied into making a decision about the house just to shut Mrs up!

If we accept for the sake of argument that Dad is half owner and the rental value is £600 a month, surely as a matter of fairness Dad ought to be paying £300. As it is, he's not paying anything and if that isn't leeching, I don't know what is.

If Dad hasn't got a lot of money left over, then he needs to apply for the appropriate top-up benefits. It is not OP's job nor obligation to fund him as though he's a helpless, deeply dependent child with severe learning difficulties who can never be cast adrift.

If Dad needs to find a fair and reasonable rent, then surely his other adult children need to pay up their fair share, anxiety etc notwithstanding. Many similar threads on this forum almost always agree that being completely funded/subsidised by parents is grossly unfair to those parents and morally reprehensible on the part of the taking child. I cannot see why this situation is any different except that in this case, there is not even the residual obligation of a parent since these are siblings not offspring. £50 a week to house three adults is the bargain of the century and yet these three decline to pay even that!

There's giving a helping hand and there's being taken advantage of to the nth degree and I find it no wonder that loyal Mrs Piggyplank has had enough of it! If I'm going to be working my socks off to support some cause, I'd at least like the privilege of choosing who is going to benefit from my efforts. She's been an angel in my opinion :A and doesn't deserve the adverse comments.

Read the first post again, the OP very clearly states his OH resent the fact that his family live in his house. My responses have been based on that, the OP changed tact a little bit later on suggesting the majority was him and not OH.

Lets look at the facts we have.

The cost to OP is an oppotunity cost.
There is no direct financial losses from his dad staying there.
His dads in all probabilities has about 10 years left. (call this one a variable fact)
The dad is under the impression the house is shared.
The op didnt want to ask his dad for rent.
The op put the blame towards their OH in the OP
Then suggest they are more to blame

Conclusion easiest way to please everyone, let the dad live their and tell the wife to forget about the other property until the old man dies. Money can be found to enjoy early retirement by not paying into the pension (theyll have a house they can sell for that), working a couple of hours a week.

I made the assumption that the brother and sister werent fit for work, having never worked a day in the life due to anxiety and depression. I suppose you can work but then i suppose you can not work and not claim benefits too.

You dont know much about the family yet quite ready to suggest theyre scroungers, is that not the same thing your trying to defend against?

The pressure was brought on by themselves really wasnt it, i can imagine the brother and sister are sitting blissfully ignorant.


Its compromises and it just seems and odd situation.

My fiance gets annoyed that i work for my parents (quite far) below the going rate for my job, she doesnt complain when i finish early or take the extra day off or always available to take her mum to the airport. Out of all the scroungers i do contribute to, the least i would begrudge would be my family members. Having just become a dad i do feel my debt to my parents has almost become overwhelming, aint nothing i can do to make up for the life thyve given me.

Floss

OP, do your siblings receive benefits? Are they claiming that they rent the property or live with your dad? Do any of them work at all? Has any maintenance or decorating been done?

£50/w works out to £200+ pm, over the last 5 years it equates to £13,000 - that would go some way towards maintenance & exterior decorating, which would probably need to be done if you want to sell and get full market value.

ska_lover

spadoosh wrote: »

My fiance gets annoyed that i work for my parents (quite far) below the going rate for my job, she doesnt complain when i finish early or take the extra day off or always available to take her mum to the airport. Out of all the scroungers i do contribute to, the least i would begrudge would be my family members. Having just become a dad i do feel my debt to my parents has almost become overwhelming, aint nothing i can do to make up for the life thyve given me.

Say if you left your job - would your parents easily be able to replace you, with someone of the same skill set - for the same low salary?

piglet74

I would sell the house and give dad a share,
I would be thinking of 25% \ 40%,

paddy's_mum

Piggyplank wrote: »

My OH resents the fact that they all live in what is essentially my house, don’t pay any rent

Five years have passed ... I have been telling my OH that my dad has been paying the £50p/w and she has been happy with this

I suspect that the OP has inadvertently given a totally erroneous picture of Mrs Piggyplank.

Looking at the opening post, he states circumstances that apparently contradict each other. However, if we change the order of writing, this is what we get;-

Five years have passed (during which my wife believed that my family were at least contributing something even if not a realistic rent and she has been happy with this.

Then she found out that I had lied and that for five years she has been working to contribute to our income while they paid not a single penny and she now resents that they don't pay any rent.

I think I might damn well resent being lied to and deceived and effectively swindled out of money I had worked hard for. It seems to me that she did not mind contributing to her husband's generosity to his family until she discovered that actually, without any consultation whatever, she was actively funding them. Her choices have, in fact, been taken away from her.

I think I might have kicked up a stink too in the same circumstances!

Marvel1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Then she found out that I had lied and that for five years she has been working to contribute to our income while they paid not a single penny and she now resents that they don't pay any rent.

I think I might damn well resent being lied to and deceived and effectively swindled out of money I had worked hard for. It seems to me that she did not mind contributing to her husband's generosity to his family until she discovered that actually, without any consultation whatever, she was actively funding them. Her choices have, in fact, been taken away from her.

I'm now confused how she was funding them, if there was no mortgage to pay and paid her own 50% on her house.

theoretica

I think Spadoosh makes a very good point - in a few years dad may be in a very different situation and need to move into supported housing or have passed away. Selling the house now and giving a portion away would probably be a poor bargain compared to selling it and keeping all the money later.

If the siblings (or dad) can get housing benefit then they should definitely be paying rent, it wouldn't even be coming out of their own pockets!