How do i keep everyone happy?

silvercar

Does the mortgage lender on the house you lived in with your Dad know that you are not living there? Bit of a tricky situation. I'm quite surprised that you managed to get a mortgage on your current home, with the mortgage on the previous home still going.

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I think your OH accepted you with the "baggage" of your upbringing and needs to have accepted a long time ago that part of the deal was you offering continuing financial support to your father. Bit late in the day to resent that.

spadoosh

Sod the partner!

Sounds like you and old man had an arrangement that you where both happy with?

Then soul mate comes along and doesnt like this arrangement and decides they get a free ticket?

Hell no, not when she could be jumping on board that gravy train and retiring and travelling earlier!

What is the difference?

Id be tempted to look at contributions from brother and sister on the basis that they are probably in reciept of benefits that should be getting used for accommodation (where is that money going if they do claim?)


Not an easy situation for you op.

The way i would deal with it is as follows.

Tell the partner to keep her nose out, your finances before you met are nothing to do with her. The first reply is waffle in my eyes, if shes willing to leave because you lied to her because you tole her you didnt want to take money from your old man, and she pushed you into it then shes put you in that situation, she shouldve made it a lot easier for you to say 'i dont want to do that sorry, hes my dad! instead of saying 'wheres my £50'

I have to do loads of stuff that costs me money and stuff i wouldnt necessarily want to do on my own or means i miss out because my fiancee wants to help her mum out. I do it because i want to make her happy and her making her mum happy seems to do that, the sacrifices i make are well worth it!

If you thought old man was taking the mick say so and get a contribution.

Im guessing that the property is fully in your name and fully paid off. So 1, you dont make any contributions now towards the house/upkeep? 2, its yours to do what you want with. It seems you dont want to kick your dad out, you dont have to, but i would be asking questions about your brother and sister

AylesburyDuck

silvercar wrote: »

Does the mortgage lender on the house you lived in with your Dad know that you are not living there? Bit of a tricky situation. I'm quite surprised that you managed to get a mortgage on your current home, with the mortgage on the previous home still going.

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I think your OH accepted you with the "baggage" of your upbringing and needs to have accepted a long time ago that part of the deal was you offering continuing financial support to your father. Bit late in the day to resent that.

It states it was payed off in the OP

"Although it was a real struggle at first after a while I managed to come to deal with the demons of my childhood and worked hard on sorting my life out. I did a lot of overtime at work and payed the mortgage off inside 12yrs"

SailorSam

spadoosh wrote: »

Sod the partner!

Tell the partner to keep her nose out,

If we all took that attitude, none of us would go out looking for someone to fall in love with and have a family of our own.
We'd all stay at home with Mummy & Daddy.

System

i think now the house is paid off and its essentially costing you nothing. I'd be asking 'rent' for repairs at the very least.

Your family have had it easy over the last few years and your partner should be happier.

cyantist

If you paid the mortgage off in 12 years, surely between you and your partner you could pay your current mortgage off earlier without £50 from your dad? Your partner sounds a little selfish, especially considering the money in that house was accrued before you ever met her and there's your mental health to consider.

However I do think your siblings should be paying something, as others have said.
Regarding them visiting - are they as easily able to? Or are they just used to you doing the running around and haven't ever thought they should make more of an effort.

jetplane

The question I forgot to ask. How do you feel about your family living in the house rent free. Your father in particular and can you afford it?

Could your partner putting unnecessary pressure on you?

paddy's_mum

Piggyplank wrote: »

We got married and bought a house together and have been talking a lot about retiring early and travelling a lot more.

I'm normally fairly eagle eyed but I missed this on first reading.

In my view, it changes everything. She is not just 'some girlfriend' who shouldn't have any entitlement to a viewpoint. She is your wife and if, heaven forbid, a divorce was in the offing, the previous house would be classed (at least in part) as a matrimonial asset.

OP - if you are genuinely feeling resentment towards your family, you really need to deal with those feelings before they create a situation where the whole kit and caboodle erupts into the most horrifying and damaging row. I see why you don't wish to alter the agreement made with your father but I can think of no reason why your siblings, who were not party to the original agreement, should jump on the family gravy train.

I also agree with a previous poster who said that you have to protect your own health and well-being and this situation is not good for you for exactly that reason.

Good luck with resolving a dreadfully difficult and emotionally volatile situation.

jetplane

^ I think many of us missed the married bit

[Deleted User]

Your arrangement was with your dad. Without him, how would you have paid the bills in the early years? He contributed - it just wasn't towards the mortgage 'bill'. In some respect, he does have a right towards some of the property. (This may not be legally).

BUT - your Sister and Brother don't have an arrangement with you. They should be contributing towards a rent. The problem will be that you become a landlord and will have all the responsibilities that come with that.

I don't want to be mean; but will your Dad be around when you're looking to retire? Won't you be able to sell the house 'when the time comes' to pay off your remaining mortgage?

You might find things complicated by your siblings if they refuse to move out, or make a claim on the property themselves.