Is it my fault? What would you do?

makingplans4nigel

He sounds like a d!ck. It is not ok to use physical violence when angry, nor is it ok make threats of even more severe violence.

Yes it sound like gas lighting, and now you'll be treading on eggshells in case you make him angry again and he follows through with his threat.

I've seen this behaviour time and time again in the soaps. First with Trevor Jordache in Brookie and again in Eastenders with Trevor Morgan.

k3lvc

makingplans4nigel wrote: »

I've seen this behaviour time and time again in the soaps. First with Trevor Jordache in Brookie and again in Eastenders with Trevor Morgan.

Seriously :rotfl:

Littlepea1_2

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it and thank you for making me understand that I wasn't stupid for thinking he should not have acted the way he did.
I did try to talk to him, I just asked if he is ok and wanted to talk, to which he replies he doesn't have anything to say to me only if I wanted to say sorry for my behaviour and for making him angry. To be honest, I was surprised and asked if he believes that he did nothing wrong, to which he said that he believes he showed in his exact words "great restraint" and that if he actually wanted to hurt me he would have.
He does not drink, smoke or anything so can't blame it on any substances.
We basically ended the conversation after he kept insisting that it was all my fault with him saying that he could have easily left last night, I made him so angry and that I have to promise never to act like that again and that he loves me.
I know I shouldn't have but I did apologise because I just wanted to get over this but will look up all the links and suggestions in your messages.
I need to think of looking after myself and my boys because he still doesn't think his attitude and reactions were wrong.
I don't have anyone really to confide in but will try to see my gp about it.

LannieDuck

And after you apologised and promised never to act like that again, did he? Of course not.

OP, this is a man who grabbed you by the throat and said that he was close to punching you in the face.

I would be taking myself and my children directly to the closest women's shelter. And I would tell my parents exactly what's happened.

TeamPlum

Typical bully. Tell the police, see how much of a tough man he is with a couple of burly coppers in his face.

hazyjo

After your last message, I would get out of that relationship immediately.


My sister's partner (of around 25 years) recently had their daughter (15 at the time) by the throat and threatened to punch their son (think he was 20). It was after a very heated row. He's a drinker. He was absolutely blotto and very aggressive on this particular occasion - and was full of remorse the next day. She'd left for my mum's and he KNEW he was in the wrong. It doesn't make it okay, personally I think she's bonkers for staying with him so long when the kids hate him, my mum hates him, and all she does is moan about him, but hey ho, each to their own!


He won't want to let you go. If you go, avoid ALL contact with him. He will probably make all sorts of threats, will constantly be finding reason to speak with you ('onion peeling' where you just peel off another layer, more tears...), if you go, you need to cut ties completely. I know his type.


Had an ex once (15 years older, been together around 3 years) who was very controlling. He ended up moving out but hassled me so much (including sending me a creepy rhyming poem about me dying at the stroke of midnight and something about fire, and it was signed 'The Grim Reaper' - nice) I found myself sobbing in a police station. They sent someone to his work (the only address I had) and he didn't hassle me after that.


Good luck.


Jx

Madbags

My partner is always telling me what to do and how to do it but she just can't help it. I am a relatively intelligent male and she is a relatively intelligent female.




I think it's just in her nature she can't help it. Like when I'm driving for instance she'll say "you wanna start slowing down the lights are red" or "oh watch out for that curb" etc. I just laugh and go "for christs sake who's driving here?" It'll be the same with other things around the house. She just can't help it!!


Anyway the point is at no point during our relationship have I wanted to harm her physically, mentally or emotionally. I'll admit I do like a drink too and the same as above still applies. Yes we've had our arguments and problems like any normal couple but we get over them.


I am sorry to say but this kind of behaviour is not normal and if he was fine before and has always been nice to you there is some deep rooted problems here. Either he has always been like this and you haven't told us or there is a serious issue he hasn't told you about. As a bloke myself I'll admit I'm not always the best for opening up either but I won't hide it by being nasty about it and I'll certainly admit I was wrong if I cocked something up.


You say he has no problems in terms of drink, drugs or gambling etc. but if he is controlling you the way it sounds, do you ever see your joint finances or do you presume it's all going well? If you trust him as "the man of the house" with all the big things there could be something going on you don't know about?

goodwithsaving

I would leave. It's easy to say, 'well, in 1 year' then a year passes and it's 'well, I will next year'. Leave NOW. If anything for your sanity and general welfare.

robin_banks

Is it your fault? No.


Walk. And don't look back.

Claire_A87

I'm really sad for you that you said sorry. You've just apologised to a man for hitting you, verbally abusing you, and putting his hands around your throat. What's the next thing that you or your children will be 'sorry' for?

Please ring Women's Aid OP. Even just for someone to talk to.