How much rent should my parents charge me?

Caz3121

annandale wrote: »

If the OP was in a council flat in my area shed be paying around 21 pounds a week on a £400 a month income as she would get some of her rent paid due to being on a low income.

...and from the income would be paying gas, electric, public transport, insurance, council tax (probably discounted) although currently pays for own food there is no mention of things like washing powder, loo roll etc
OP could potentially be at home for months if not years...unless her intended is wealthy, moving to the US on finance visa is not cheap

AylesburyDuck

Anyone else think annandales writing style is very similar to the OP's.
Spooky

fairy_lights

FBaby wrote: »

The only 'cure' to anxiety is exposure.

There's a huge difference between normal anxiety as an emotion and a medically diagnosed anxiety disorder though. For the former, I agree that exposure and pushing on with it is the only real solution.
But for someone with an anxiety disorder it doesn't always work like that and if you push too hard you can make it worse.

For example, a 'normal' person might feel anxious about starting a new job but go anyway, realise it wasn't so bad after all and start to feel better about it.
Someone with an anxiety disorder might feel anxious about a new job, go anyway, realise it was actually worse than they expected because they're convinced all their colleagues are secretly laughing at them, that they made lots of terrible mistakes, that they'll mess everything up etc, to the point of feeling physically ill and being unable to function.

Which type of anxiety the OP has I couldn't say, but I do find it very strange that someone who's anxiety disorder prevents them from working more than 3 days a week would be able to run their own business and make plans to emigrate.

suki1964

annandale wrote: »

The OP is wrong in the respect that she's saving too much on not enough income. But lots of people have jumped on the smallest thing. I saw a comment saying that she'd be working from home and using a lot of fuel. Where did she say that? She's buying her own food. She'll be using electricity or gas to cook it and fuel costs to wash and dry clothes but what else?

Nowhere did she say that her family have money worries. She said that they have savings and pensions and that her dad is still working. Their mortgage is paid off.

People do end up unemployed in their 30s and beyond. I was made redundant in my 40s. I didnt sit on the dole because I didn't want to work. I went self employed because I wanted to do something with my life more than turning up at a job centre every two weeks and job hunting in between. I was almost two years on the dole, Id much rather have been working.

It took time for my business to turn a profit. It's realistic to suggest that when you run a business you'll have overheads and expenses as well. You are also allowed to claim some of the 30 hours you need to work to get WTC on admin. When you are doing admin you aren't out earning. Promoting a business costs money as well. Working tax credits kept me afloat during the lean times, it certainly wasn't a case of me going yahoo!!!! Heres my free £213 a week from the Govt, I'll just sit on my backside rather than claim JSA. My business wasn't a hobby either.

It is hard out there just now. Ive just spent a year working for a big company doing a self employed position for them. That is, working 15 hours for them doing a job I should have been paid for, for nothing, with the way I was supposed to make my money was from clients who use that company. Its advertised at £30 an hour, some of my colleagues were making £30 a week, not an hour. I spent that year being bullied and belittled by two managers despite working my bottom off and I gave it up partly due to not making enough money, but partly because of their behaviour day in and day out. I thought I was going to end up suffering from full blown depression if I didnt get away from them.

Anyone who mocks people who are suffering from anxiety and depression by saying you can do this so why can't you do that doesn't have a clue how it can impact on your working life and your entire life.

Some jobs and some self employed jobs are nothing more than slave labour. Look at the conditons workers in sports direct in the factories have to endure. Its apparently like a victorian workhouse. One woman gave birth in the toilet rather than take time off and face sanctions for it.

These days I do paid work and am self employed as well, I do more paid work and less self employed hours. But getting that paid work took a lot of interviews and a decision to actually retrain and do something else and I could still only get work on a zero hours contract. Ive got several professional qualifications and 25 years of work experience including management.

I went for a job a few weeks ago, didnt get it and saw a review from the person who did. They lasted five weeks. Part of their job was scrubbing crap off toilets (not in the job description and nothing to do with the job they were applying for). It was in a hotel. This is what some people are asked to do for minimum wage.

The in my day people just got on with it and worked 60 hour weeks and never complained argument really isn't appropriate.

The OP might need a boot up the backside but she doesn't need lectures and pages of in my day no one suffered from depression and I know someone who worked a five hour week and leeched off their parents?

How on earth is that helpful in the slightest? I know single people with kids who have never worked and I mean never. They've spent the years from 17-33 having kids and taking far more money off the state than a single person on JSA or WTC.

If the OP was in a council flat in my area shed be paying around 21 pounds a week on a £400 a month income as she would get some of her rent paid due to being on a low income.

First post the op made was to say her mum is retired, dad works part time and is retiring soon. That suggests they are pensioners now at the end of their money generating years and have saved for their retirement

The op also said the mother worries about money

HMRC obviously thought she had had enough time to turn a profit, 2 years by all accounts, an she hadn't so they pulled the plug on her WTC. Seriously do you think it's ok to be paying out benefits forever to a failing business?

No one here is mocking anyone with anxiety. Plenty are saying they have it and still have to get on with working to keep the roof over their heads. Even you have said that. What has been questioned here is how can someone who is so disabled by anxiety that they have complete meltdowns, manage to fly back and forth to the states, go out with friends, drive, work etc etc. Plus on top of all that she's putting herself through the stresses of trying to get an immigration to the states, then she has the stress of actually learning to live there

Doesn't sound like someone with crippling anxiety that's so bad she can't work full time to pay her way in life

Why are the "in my day" arguments not appropriate yet your " I know loads of people never done a days work in their life" is?

End of the day the op wants to save £500 a month from a £480 take home. You don't need a degree in math to work out that's not going to happen and that she needs to up her income

enthusiasticsaver

Not sure if the OP coming back.

If the original reason for OP moving back in with parents was to save for her to emigrate to USA and parents indicated they would subsidise her than she would not be unreasonable to offer a percentage of her wage providing they initially said they would be ok with that. If she is having to pay more now because HMRC have taken away tax credits and parents cannot afford to subsidise because they both now retired then she has a dilemma. Either she takes on a 2nd job (or looks into claiming some sort of benefit if anxiety stops her doing that) or delays her emigration until her finances improve.

I thought America would not allow people to emigrate over there though unless they were earning a certain amount?

paddy's_mum

In two separate posts within this thread, the OP was asked how long she had lived in her parents' house at their expense and we have yet to have an answer.

However, reading between the lines and seeing what has not been said, I'd hazard a guess that she lived with them free of charge for many months. Making up a shortfall may have exhausted all the parents 'accessible' savings (for want of a more accurate term) and Mother is scared to death of having to eat into their safety net for the future.

I would be very wary of that downhill slope myself and I personally can't understand why the OP says she felt offended!

suki1964

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Not sure if the OP coming back.

If the original reason for OP moving back in with parents was to save for her to emigrate to USA and parents indicated they would subsidise her than she would not be unreasonable to offer a percentage of her wage providing they initially said they would be ok with that. If she is having to pay more now because HMRC have taken away tax credits and parents cannot afford to subsidise because they both now retired then she has a dilemma. Either she takes on a 2nd job (or looks into claiming some sort of benefit if anxiety stops her doing that) or delays her emigration until her finances improve.

I thought America would not allow people to emigrate over there though unless they were earning a certain amount?

Precisely.

For her fianc! visa, she has to prove an income ( and have it saved) of 16k USD, of they won't even entertain her being allowed in

The hoops you have to jump through to get that important visa would give anyone nightmares. Someone with anxiety so bad in that it cripples them, well................

theoretica

FBaby wrote: »

The only 'cure' to anxiety is exposure. There is no other ways, ...

I am sorry, that is not correct. For instance, one of the possible symptoms of anaemia is anxiety. So there are cases of anxiety which could be cured by treating anaemia.

Peter333

annandale wrote: »

If the OP was in a council flat in my area shed be paying around 21 pounds a week on a £400 a month income as she would get some of her rent paid due to being on a low income.

Caz3121 wrote: »

...and from the income would be paying gas, electric, public transport, insurance, council tax (probably discounted) although currently pays for own food there is no mention of things like washing powder, loo roll etc
OP could potentially be at home for months if not years...unless her intended is wealthy, moving to the US on finance visa is not cheap

EXACTLY. What a ludicrous analogy from 'annadale.'

The fact is that the OP has come across as a spoilt princess with an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

And no-one is 'mocking' anxiety FGS. As several people have said, many people have had anxiety, far worse than the OP, and have had to muddle through, and battle on with their job, looking after family and home, and dealing with other struggles in their life. Do you know 'annadale' how many people would LOVE to be able to pay out just £50 a week for their board, rent, food, washing, bills and everything?!

As many people have said on here, if the anxiety was THAT bad, the OP wouldn't be planning on moving to the USA.

Although, as several people here have said, I can't see how the OP is going to successfully emigrate to the USA anyway, with no money or savings, and 'health issues.'

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Anyone else think annandale's writing style is very similar to the OP's.
Spooky

I did notice too. Didn't wanna be the one to point it out though.

warby68

I do wonder if OP has more issues than anxiety.

The immaturity and selfishness coming through plus what seems like an unrealistic plan to get to the US with no income and health issues don't sit well with a 35 year old who has supposedly also lived and worked in the 'real world'.

If its just a simple question of is £50 a week fair? Of course its fair, its a gift and no more than a token gesture towards the real cost of supporting yourself.