How much rent should my parents charge me?

fedupfreddie

I asked him to leave.

fairy_lights

fedupfreddie wrote: »

I asked him to leave.

And did he? Was your relationship Ok afterwards?
I hope he saw how unreasonable he was being in the end.

fedupfreddie

There was a lot of argument with him feeling hard done by but he would not budge from his position so yes he left.
Of course I felt very sad about it but had no real choice, he still feels that I was the unreasonable one.
That was three years ago and now I only hear from him when he wants to borrow money.

paddy's_mum

fedupfreddie wrote: »

now I only hear from him when he wants to borrow money.

So 'self' was his motivation all along and was happening long before he came back to live with you again.

Who has he now found to pay his way through life as it's been my experience that you don't get many of those to the hundredweight.

It is sad but you did what was right for you. To continue to bleed a parent dry is simply demonstrating a profound lack of love and his conduct says far, far more about him than it does about you!

Peter333

If it's sympathy the OP wanted, she came to the wrong place. :rotfl:

Seriously though, although I think some people will empathise with anyone who is suffering anxiety and mental health issues, not only do some things the OP says not exactly add up, but there's also the fact that many other people have had to endure anxiety, depression, and mental health issues, whilst working - AND looking after their family. I know it sounds like a cliche, but many years ago, many people worked 30-40 odd years with hardly a day off. No matter how stressful their job, or their life. And there was certainly no tax credits or handouts if you decided to work less hours!

I appreciate people have different stresses these days, (debt, high house prices, high expectations from employers,) but my father worked 8 til 5, Monday to Friday for 45 years til he retired. He looked after his wife and kids, and I don't recall him ever having any time off sick.

In fact, pre-1970s, he only got 2 days off for Christmas: Christmas day and Boxing Day, and if they fell on a Saturday and Sunday, then that would be it! That was his Christmas break. He and his colleagues loved it when Christmas day was on a Thursday or a Monday, because that meant they got 4 days off in a row!

And many women just had to get on with it and raise the kids, and look after house and home, with no counselling services or anti depressants or sympathy from anyone. And there was definitely no surplus income for new nails, tattoos, fancy haircuts, and costas with their pals!

Whilst I think it's better these days because we care more for people with anxiety, depression, and mental health issues; I can't help but feel that it's gone too far the other way (like political correctness!) and 'some' people don't even attempt to help themselves because they've got people enabling them, massaging their sensitive egos, and picking up after them.

Also, although I believe some people are genuinely depressed and can't help how they are, I feel that people are labelled as 'depressed' far too easily these days. I'm not saying people DON'T suffer depression; just that people are given that diagnosis at the drop of a hat these days, and also doctors throw anti depressants around like smarties.

Some years back, my wife and I knew a couple who met when we met (early 80s,) and were together for 10 years. (from age 22 to 32.) In that time, they met, got engaged (never got married,) moved in together, and went on holiday to Morocco.

When they were there, she picked up a virus, had a few weeks off work, and was never the same again. This virus turned into many months off work with depression and anxiety, and saw an end to their relationship. This was because she wouldn't go out, she gained 5 stone, she was miserable when anyone came round, she constantly yelled at him and even physically attacked him a couple of times in a rage, and she stopped 'sleeping with him,' and after 2 years of it, he had had enough. Some people lambasted him for ditching her when she was clearly at a low ebb. But she was not the woman he met and previously loved.

Anyway, fast forward another 5 years; she was nearly 40 by now, and had spent that 5 years living with her parents, not working very much (just 3 or 4 hours a week - behind the pizza counter at Asda, along with endless weeks off work,) and basically just living off her parents.

When we bumped into her parents this one time, her mother said their retirement had been ruined by her being there. They were in their late 60's by now, they had no privacy, their daughter was always there, she dominated the tv, she dominated the internet, she drained the electric, she always had the heating on, and their bills were much higher. Also, they only had a 2 bed bungalow, and they had previously had separate bedrooms for years. They couldn't share, so had to take in turns sleeping on the couch.

You should care for your children in their hour of need yes, but this girl had taken advantage of them on a grand scale! And I did hear some people who knew her, saying 'it must be nice to work 10 hours a month and have so much free time and know that you're OK because your parents will keep you!'

As I said, many people won't have sympathy for the OP, because they have also had to live through depression and anxiety, whilst looking after children, spouse, and home, and often holding down a job too!

Not everyone has had the luxury of having parents look after us right up to our mid 30s- or middle age even. I think not wanting to give them £50 a week for your board is a cheek actually!

thorsoak

OP hasn't been back to see the responses since 11.30 am yesterday - I hope that the few messages she did read gave her the message that she should pay her parents!

fairy_lights

thorsoak wrote: »

OP hasn't been back to see the responses since 11.30 am yesterday - I hope that the few messages she did read gave her the message that she should pay her parents!

I've got a feeling that she's probably read the responses but isn't going to log in again and reply, because this thread hasn't gone the way she'd hoped.
I hope she's taken some of the things people have said on board though and is at least thinking it over.

TBagpuss

I think some of the comments are a little harsh we don't know how severe OPs illness is and it does sound as though OPs parents were originally willing to provide support nad then changed their minds, so I would cut her a little slack, although I still don't think that what her parnets are asking for is in any way unreasonable.

She mentioned that her mum worries and I do wonder whether any of them have actually sat down and worked out the actual finacial cost of her being in the house.

I know that on the ocassions when I've had friends living with me as lodgers, I found that my bills didn't go up a huge amount (except council tax) but it does fepend a lot on the people concerned. The first time I did it, my riend had a longer commute than I did, so she was always out of the house before me and back after me, for there was no extra heat or light. She and I chose to cook together so there wasn't any sgnificant increase form extra use of cooking facilities, water wasn't metered so that wasn't an issue and so on.

The second time (different house, difernt friend) it made a bit more of a difference asshe worked from home and we didn't always cook together, but the additional cost was pretty small - iwould be very surprised if OP is costing her parents £50 a week in actual cash terms, but neither she nr they may have worked out what the real costs is.

Mojisola

Peter333 wrote: »

When we bumped into her parents this one time, her mother said their retirement had been ruined by her being there.

They were in their late 60's by now, they had no privacy, their daughter was always there, she dominated the tv, she dominated the internet, she drained the electric, she always had the heating on, and their bills were much higher.

Also, they only had a 2 bed bungalow, and they had previously had separate bedrooms for years. They couldn't share, so had to take in turns sleeping on the couch.

I do feel sorry for people who have got themselves into a mess like this but it only goes on because they allow it.

annandale

I think some of the comments were a little harsh as well. Just because some people know someone who sat and worked five hours a week and sat on the internet all day and all night doesn't mean everyone is like that. Id be surprised as well if the OP was costing her parents £50 a week in cash terms.

On the subject of working tax credits, the rules changed I think in 2012, you used to get working tax credits based on your own income, irrespective of the family income, if you then claimed and were living with parents even if you had a low income anyway, if they were earning over a certain amount your working tax credits would stop. One of my relatives was working in a low paid job and got working tax credits, they then stopped as his family income was taken into account when calculating them.

Depending on what the OP's parents currently earn, her WTC might have stopped anyway.